Mad Girl gets left with the tab

I seem to be stuck in a 'relationship' with B21. I like him on a platonic level, but feel absolutely no chemistry or connection to him. This was so clear last night when we had a date. He came over after work and we drank a few beers and caught up on our lives. We then had sex which was okay (it's very rare that I every dislike sex), but really lacked a certain pizazz that I look for in a partner. He's not B10, that's for sure, but he's adequate and I do enjoy myself.

Anyway, after that we actually headed out for dinner. It was nice to get out for a change and I thought that maybe this would mix things up a bit. We had a nice dinner at Duke of Perth. However, here's where it really went wrong. When the check came I had fully intended on splitting it, but he says: I'll get our drinks at the next bar. What the fuck? He totally left me with the bill and now that I think about it, I'm a bit pissed. Most guys will insist on paying or will at least pay their share. What is he trying to pull? So, I paid the $50 tab and let him buy me a Guinness at the next bar....totally not fair. If he knew he was going to leave me with the tab the least he could have done is not order two $8 beers! What a douche. Speaking about money makes me uncomfortable and I hate to be petty, but I'm in no financial shape to picking up this guy's tab all the time.

Afterwards we went back to my place and watched a movie while cuddling on the couch. Having the companionship was nice and he even tucked me into bed when I fell asleep. He's a nice guy, but not what I'm looking for. The part that really bothers me is that I am still with him because I want some sort of companionship in my life, but I'm also still looking. I think I am being unfair to him and have to tell him that I don't see us going anywhere and he should just move on or he can keep me as a friend/hook up if he wants.

This is not how I wanted to treat guys. I never intended to lead him on. A part of me was holding out and hoping that things would change and I would grow to really like him. However, the bottom line is that I'm looking for something more. I need that guy who can put a smile on my face, make me feel special, take care of my emotional and physical needs. I'm looking for chemistry and I'm not going to settle. Now the question is weather I just 'dump' him over text or tell him in person next time we hang out. I want to do it face to face, but I'm afraid I'll just have sex with him instead. Decisions, decisions.

full disclosure...i'm lazy

I'm pretty sure that the pile of laundry in my bedroom is going to grow legs and attack me in the middle of the night. I planned to come home tonight after work and do a few loads. It's not like doing laundry is that big of a task. My freaking laundry room is only down one flight of stairs. However, it started snowing -a lot. So, I decided that would be a reasonable excuse to avoid laundry. Instead, I promptly put on my PJs and poured myself a glass of wine when I got home. I somehow found the energy to do a load of dishes and make tacos, but my efforts stopped there. What the hell is wrong with me?

I just can't seem to be a responsible adult and clean up after myself. I let dishes pile up, laundry go unwashed and, for fucks sake, my Christmas tree and Christmas decorations are still up! I am a pro when it comes to avoiding housework and putting of doctors appointments.

I'd like to say that I'm going to change these bad habits, but that would be a lie. It's just not who I am. Some people are neat and responsible. Me, I'm big ball of chaos.

back in action

I really need to commit to one blog a week. I know it's been a while, but when you work retail during the holidays life as you know it stops. I'm slowly regaining my life and figured I should start posting again. So here's a quick update:

Bachelors: I'm still 'seeing' B21, but I use that word loosely because we basically just hook up every 2 weeks. All he wants to do is have sex or sext me, which is fine by me. However, I am looking for something more. I want to be with someone who will take me out from time to time. I know that it's totally my fault that I've ended up in a another dead end 'relationship'. So, I decided to get serious and join Match.com (for those of you counting I've been through eharmony, zoosk, plenty of fish and ok cupid). It seems like this is the site to join if you are serious about being in a relationship. I've been on for 3 weeks and have emailed 6 guys with no responses yet. I've been hit up by two weirdos and am getting pretty annoyed with the site. 90% of the men on there either have kids or definitely want them. This sucks. I'm just looking for a nice guy to spend my time with who doesn't need to procreate...is that so hard?

Maid of Honor: It seems I was born to be a kick ass bridesmaid. I'm the MOH in my sisters wedding which is going to be on New Year's Eve this year. Expect lots of blogs about wedding stuff. I'm totally stoked about this and my sis and I have about 80% of the wedding planned already. I'm awesome at planning and strategic thinking and really organized when it comes to events like this. I should have been an event planner.

So this is a quick update on where I am right now. Hopefully 2012 is way better than 2011. I'd like less stress at work, no deaths in the family, and a Bachelor to call my own.