Tuesday, December 28, 2010

surviving Christmas

Maybe I'm a bit of a Grinch, but Christmas can go suck it. In fact, the whole month of December can suck it. For me, December is about survival. It's sort of like training for a marathon and the month of December is the big day. By the end of the holiday season I'm left in a state of pain and exhaustion. Most people spend December attending holiday parties and visiting family. However, I work retail and I spend the month dealing with the general public -most of which who do not spend a lot of time in retail establishments and therefore, don't know the rules.

I spend December running around like a mad woman dealing with people who don't understand how sales tax works or the fact that the online price is different than the in store price. Not only don't they understand it, but they want to argue about it and waste my valuable time. These type of people can suck it.

The worst part of the month is the two weeks before Christmas when I work 6 day work weeks. This usually drives me to the brink of insanity and takes until about mid February to recover. I'm currently sitting in an apartment that looks like it hasn't been cleaned in months. There are dirty dishes and clothes everywhere and a nice film of grime. I'm pretty sure there is a dead body somewhere in my kitchen as well. Tomorrow is my first real day off in 2 weeks and I have to spend it digging myself out of this filth. I also plan to shave my legs. This hasn't been done in a bout 2 weeks and I'm feeling a little too bohemian for my liking. Clearly, there haven't been visits from Bachelors so I will also need get my love life jump started.

Last year I promised myself that I would not be working retail during the holidays this year. Perhaps I can finally make that a reality. I plan to get serious about finding a new job after the new year. Who knows, I may be one jolly mother fucker by the time Christmas rolls around next year. Perhaps I will be able to join everyone down and Whoville for holiday festivities.

Tuesday, December 21, 2010


Can you believe that it’s been one year since I started this blog? Let me just start by saying that I just watch Scott Pilgrim vs The World and I’m very happy that I did not acquire 7 evil exes. Hell, I didn’t even date a vegan this year. (if you haven't seen this movie yet then I suggest you do ASAP -it's pretty rad) I feel that a I got to document a lot of my life this past year. Sure, a few things fell through the cracks, but MadGirl’s Manifesto serves as my own little journey through life, food and sex.

When I started this blog I really didn’t have a purpose. I figured I’d just sit down and write and see what sort of shit I could spew on to the page. I’m not sure if I want to refocus for this next year or just keep going. What if I finally settle down with one of my Bachelors? What would that be like? Or maybe I should just stop getting so personal and focus on food and drink? Does the world really need another foodie blog? I think maybe I will leave it open to my readers...what's working? What's not? What do you want to read more of?

Tuesday, December 7, 2010

The 12 Bachelors of X-Mas

So here we are. It's almost the end of the year and I've dated 12 Bachelors and slept with with 7 of those 12. Is this really a lot considering all the catching up I had to do? I'm glad that I finally got over whatever it was that was keeping me from dating and just dove in. It really has been a new adventure and I hope there are more to come. Who knows, maybe I will end up in a relationship with one of these 12. So, in honor of my 12 Bachelors I've decided to do a bit of a recap...

Bachelor #1 - I really liked this one. He was the lawyer who was a few years older and a lot of fun to hang out with. Great conversation, good chemistry, loved his dog...and then he dropped of the face of the earth. Current Status: hoping he will wake up from his coma and remember he owes me a date.

Bachelor #2 - The one I really wasn't that excited about and ditched for Bachelor #1. Ironically he contacted me recently and we've started dating a gain. However, I feel he's more of a drinking buddy than anything else. Current Status: Dating, but I don't know for how long.

Bachelor #3 - He's actually the one that started it all about a year ago. You may remember him as Aquaman. Current Status: probably due for another guest appearance in my bedroom. I also still have his cuff links.

Bachelor #4 - My first foray into the kinky lifestyle. A genuinely good person who has been very sweet to me. Likes anal sex a little too much for my liking though... We haven't slept together in months, but still keep in contact from time to time. Current Status: Possible play time very soon.

Bachelor #5 - Gollum from Lord of the Rings. Worst Date of The Year. Current Status: living somewhere in Middle Earth.

Bachelor #6 - The extremely hot tattooed writer who has fucked most of the girls in Chicago. Awesome, hot sex and great conversation. Sometimes I look at this guy and think "what are you doing with me?". I can tell you that the 17 year old me is very jealous. Current Status: Still on rotation.

Bachelor #7 - Mr. Blue Collar worker who also had a kid that he didn't tell me about until halfway through our date. Current Status: Ditched him.

Bachelor #8 - Lance Armstrong type. Mediocre sex. Current Status: 2 strikes and he's out.

Bachelor #9 - Looked like Adam Sandler. Kept putting himself down during our date. Nice guy, but not for me. Current Status: ignored him after the first date. Didn't have the heart to turn him down.

Bachelor #10 - My kinky rockabilly boy. Not only does he come over and dominate me, but he sticks around to cuddle and watch Robert Rodriguez movies as well. Current Status: Seeing each other weekly.

Bachelor #11 - We had our first date a few weeks ago and are going on our second this Friday. Really like his company and we seem to have a good time. Current Status: dating.

Bachelor #12 - Just had a fantastic first date consisting of beer, bacon and unplanned sex. Hopefully there's more to come. Current status: dating.

So with this recap done, I'd like to ask you which one is your favorite Bachelor? Cast your votes for Bachelor of the year now.

Bachelor #12....and then he kissed me

I didn't know if I'd make it to 12 by the end of the year, but it turns out that 12 may just be my lucky number. I met Bachelor #12 on OkCupid where we QuickMatched each other. I started things off with my usual witty e-mail and he immediately messaged me back and suggested we just skip the chit chat and meet up. So a week later we had our first date. This date had everything a girl could hope for: bacon, craft beer, good conversation, laughter, kissing in a bar, promises of dates to Hooters and drunken sex. But I'm getting ahead. Let's start with the beginning of the night....

We met at this place called Paddy Longs which is your average neighborhood bar with a fantastic beer list. However, the best thing about this place is the bacon centric menu. Bachelor #12 arrived a little after me and I liked him for the start. He looks like your average joe, but I come to find out that he's actually an artist who has had shows in galleries. He works a day job in marketing, and is going to pursue a doctorate in psychology. The conversation was great and there weren't any awkward pauses or moments. I think I really won him over when I told him how much I liked Hooters and we agreed to go there for our second date.

Everything was going well and then he suggested we order a flight of bacon and I think i swooned a bit. So over bacon and more beers we got to know each other. When the bacon board was we ordered the beer battered bacon strips. It was pure evil and I really shouldn't even be alive right now. He might as well have pulled out a speedball for dessert. My insides are still paying for it, but I do not regret. So, if you are in the mood for bacon done right then bring your Imodium and head to Paddy Longs.

The date was going really well and he suggested we move on to a second bar. That's always a good sign because we could have easily parted ways right there. Our second bar was another neighborhood pub where we drank some Guinness and talked about music with the bartender (who's dad was Trent Reznor's body guard). We were sitting at the bar having a really good time and then he asked me if he could kiss me. I hesitated a bit because I'm anti PDA, but we kissed and it wasn't awkward. He said he wanted to get that out the way now so it wouldn't be strange later....yep, I was smitten.

And as if all of the beer and bacon wasn't enough we ended up at the Duke of Perth. It turns out that he actually lives close to me so we walked by his apartment on the way (I made a mental note on the convenience of dating within my neighborhood). I was pretty drunk by the time we hit the Duke and probably should have stopped with the last place, but I was really enjoying myself. So we drank some more and I ran into an employee which was a little strange because this is the second time I've run into this employee at the Duke and each time I'm with a different guy. We left the Duke and at this point I gave Bachelor #12 some options:

1) We part ways and make plans to go to Hooters some time soon
2) He comes back to my apartment, we have sex and then still go to Hooters sometime
3) He comes back to my apartment, we have sex, and he drops off the face of the earth

He choose option 2. Now, let me say that I did not intend to bring Bachelor #12 home. I had just assumed this was a real date - which it was. I hadn't shaved my legs, had an ugly bra and underwear on and my apartment was a mess. However, I was drunk and horny and just really wanted to have sex with this guy. Now we also have the first awkward sex out of the way.

The sex was drunk, hot and little kinky. However, I suspect we are going do a much better job when we haven't had so much to drink. I was way too drunk and had very little motor skills. I even had to sneak into the bathroom to vomit at one point. So, not your most romantic first sex, but I like making my own rules when it comes to dating and relationships. I don't feel it was a one night stand and who says a gal can't have a little fun on the first date.

I'm not sure where this is going, but I think I want it to go somewhere. He hasn't texted me yet, but if I don't hear from him by the end of the day I will text him and see what happens. If things are meant to work out then they will. (But just in case, keep your fingers crossed from me and Bachelor #12).

Wednesday, December 1, 2010

MadGirl's Favorite Things

I may not be Oprah, but I do have a few favorite things I've discovered this past year. Sadly, you will not be going home with any of these things, but do feel free to use this as inspiration for my Christmas present:) Here are some of the products, places, activities, etc that I've come to love.

  • Chocolate Truffle face and and body scrub from Mojo Spa - This shit is the bomb! Handmade with real cocoa - it's divine. (www.mojospa.com)
  • The Supernatural face powder by Philosophy - I carry this with me for on the go touch ups. Love the compact design and mirror that's included. Super easy to use. (http://www.philosopy.com/)
  • Global chef's knife - My pride and joy. Set me back about $100, but well worth the investment. This knife gets me cooking.
  • Ginger Beer - Not only is it delicious by itself, but it's the key ingredient in my new favorite drink: The Moscow Mule.
  • Chicago Architecture Foundation Membership - CAF members get to go on over 80 free tours! I've been on two so far and they are fantastic. Plus the staff of volunteers has excellent customer service skills. (http://www.caf.archicecture.org/)
  • truffle salt - I do have an obsession with truffle oil (it's like an aphrodisiac for me). I finally purchased truffle salt and my baked potatoes and popcorn haven't been the same since.
  • red lipstick - Finally got bold enough to start wearing this out. Haven't found the perfect one yet though.

  • The Passage by Justin Cronin - Post apocalyptic vampire novel. I wasn't quite sure about this from the start, but the book ended up consuming me (and a month of my reading time this summer).
  • Ad Hoc at Home - Favorite cookbook of the year. Makes a great wedding/housewarming gift.
  • nook - I've succumbed to the e-reader generation and feel no shame. What was life like before my nook? Not only is it convenient, but I feel I am a much more efficient reader now. (http://www.nook.com/)
  • Pink Martini- I know the band's been around for while, but I finally fell in love with them when I caught them rehearsing for a concert in in Grant Park. (http://www.pinkmartini.com/)
  • She and Him - Zooey Deschanel...I'm smitten. (http://www.sheandhim.com/)
  • Blackdagger Brotherhood series by J.R. Ward - Nothing like a new trashy vampire series to get me though my gall bladder surgery and recovery. (http://www.jrward.com/)
  • Sleeping Beauty - Haven't seen this in ages, but purchased it as soon as it came out of the elusive Disney vault.
  • Snow White/ Alice in Wonderland - also out of the vault this year.
  • Modern Family - Best TV show of the year. Love the gay couple!
  • Drop Dead Diva - Another fantastic show.
  • The Walking Dead - Because who doesn't love zombies?


The Local Option - A bar right up the street from my work. They have about 20 craft beers on tap. Me like. (http://www.thelocaloptionchicago.com/)

farmers market - Made it out more times this year than ever before. It's always fun to see what's in season. (http://www.chicagogreencitymarket.org/)

History Pub Crawls with the Chicago History Museum - History and booze - it's a win-win situation. (http://www.chicagohistory.org/)

Jamaica - No problem man! Can't wait to return to this island paradise where the rum flows freely and the locals are always up for a good time. Also, got to do zip lining when I was there!
The Chopping Block - Took a knife skills class here and really want to go back for more. (http://www.thechoppingblock.net/)

Drinks Over Dearborn - This is the perfect place to pick up odds and ends for my bar and acquire a new bottle of something to enjoy. They also hold classes here. (http://www.drinksoverdearborn.com/)


Peapod - Groceries delivered to my apartment! (http://www.peapod.com/)

Groupon - Best. Idea. Ever. I'm addicted. (http://www.groupon.com/)

FetLife - Who knew that I had a kinky side? (http://www.fetlife.com/)