Sunday, November 18, 2012

giving B23 a second chance

B23:  I miss hanging out with ya
Mad Girl:  Well you are the one who dropped off the face of the earth
B23:  I guess I did but you made it seem like you wanted to date more than just me

So this is the recent e-mail exchange I've had with long lost B23.  It's been about two months since I gave up on him and I was shocked as hell to find a message in my OKC inbox the other day.  It's got me wondering what I did to make him believe that I wanted to date other people because he was the only one I was dating at the time and I really liked him.

I think I'm going to give him a second chance and try to figure out exactly what gave him that impression.  I know I try to play it cool and sometimes that comes across as uninterested.  I think I do it to protect myself from heartbreak (thanks B19).  So maybe I need to be upfront with B23 about how that made me feel and how I actually did want to date just him.  I mean, the guy made me carbonara for Pete's sake.  You don't just go throwing away a chance to be with carbonara making man who is good at sex and fun to be around.

To complicate this situation a bit more, I've been seeing B29 again.  Remember how I ditched him because he had kids?  Well a few days later he started texting me again and and we've been speaking ever since and have even gone on a few dates.  I don't know what to make of it all.  I think that part of me just likes the attention (he texts me every morning and calls me beautiful).  I also like a guy who doesn't take no for an answer.  Also, I do have this thing for cops...  However, I'm not feeling the spark with him.  I like him, but don't necessarily desire him.  He came over the other night (we still haven't had sex yet....very strange for me) and we had a heavy make out session and just cuddled on my couch.  It was nice, but I'm not sure I want us to go further.  I don't want to lead him on and I'm really confused about what I should be doing with him.  I think that when it comes to dating confusion is the name of the game.

Saturday, October 27, 2012

B29 and his little suprise

This was supposed to be a happy blog about how I think I may have met someone worth keeping around.  B29 was also supposed to be kid free.

B29 was someone who responded to my Dark Lord ad (the one where I say I'm not interested in anyone who has or wants to have kids).  We exchanged a few e-mails and then started texting.  Turns out he is a cop (hot!) and a little kinky.  He's also half Peurto Rican (you know I love the Latin men)  I felt I was on the right track.  We finally met about two weeks ago and had a nice date.  I wasn't wowed with him, but I did like him and felt that there was definitely more chemistry via text.

We've spent that last two weeks texting every single day.  It's been nice and I've been looking forward to dating him again.  We finally managed to meet up again last night.  So there we are at Sheffield's sharing some beers and basket of ribs and wings.  I'm being my normal Chatty Cathy and decided to ask him some serious questions.  I had been warned about married men working the dating sites so I flat out asked him if he had ever been married.  Turns out he was recently (as of February) divorced   Okay, I can deal with that.  He was married for 13 years so he can obviously commit.  On a whim I decide to ask if he has kids.  I said this almost jokingly because I've been talking to him for almost a month and he hasn't once mentioned kids.  Also, he knows how much I hate them.  Oh and there is the fact that I put that disclaimer on my FUCKING AD.

Surprise....he has two sons who are 6 and 8.  What the fuck!  I'm sure he saw my reaction to that, but I tried to play it cool and knew I needed time to processes this information.  However, a big part of me wanted to just end the date and run.  We continued our date and had a nice time, but by this point I wasn't even feeling like kissing him and just ran into my apartment when he dropped me off.

Now that I've had time to process I know what I need to do.  I need to let him know that I'm really not cool with the kids.  The part that bothers me the most is that I clearly stated this in my ad and he proceeded to date me without being upfront about that.  Also, I'm not into him enough that I would be willing to accept  kids into my life.  This is a deal breaker for me and I'm not going to budge.  Guess it's back to the drawing board.

Tuesday, October 16, 2012


B28 was another response from my Dark Lord add.  He was probably the most up front and cocky of the group.  Here is the first message he sent me:

A little about me:
Seeking a LTR with a single lady who's First and foremost-Honest as trust is the foundation, confident, secure, loving/big heart, fun and can hold a good stimulating conversations or debates, ect...
I'm Single White(1/2 Italian, Polish & Irish). Never married. No kids, only 1 overly friendly, well trained(off leash), non-allergic dog. 40 yrs old. 5'11" 195lbs. Love to laugh and make people as well, loyal, honest to a fault at times, very witty, sarcastic, like stimulating conversations, great kisser, very passionate, sexual & sensual. The common compliments, I receive are: Eyes(blue/green but can change), strong chest, wide shoulders, muscular legs, well endowed, funny, witty, adventurous, daring, good w/business & financial advise. I like going out to good dinners, cocktails, random walks, lakefront, walking my dog, camping, hiking, outdoors, biking, concerts, music, travel ect.. Independent business owner that has somewhat flexible hours. I live alone on the northside in the Lakeview neighborhood. After all said, I'm not arrogant. I believe it's respectful of each others time to be honest and show a bit of yourselves.

I appreciate a guy who is direct, but he really came across as a douche bag -don't you think?  We IM'd a bit and he didn't seem all that bad so I figured I would give him a try.  He works in the restaurant business so we had trouble meeting up.  He kept wanting to meet up at 10pm which is way past my bedtime on most nights.  I finally managed to meet up with him after work one night last week.  We met at Sheffield's and had a few drinks there.  I liked talking to him, but I don't think I was quite feeling it.  He spoke about starting bar fights and other displays of testosterone.  That kind of manly behavior just doesn't fly with me and certainly wasn't a turn on.  Also, he kind of spits when he talks.  It wasn't horrible, but it was noticeable.  These are things you overlook when you like a guy.  However, I just don't know if I can date a llama.

We left there and he invited me back to his place.  I declined and suggested we grab a beer somewhere else.  We went to this really shitty douche bag bar on Clark street and had a few more.  The conversations was fine and it wasn't like he was bad looking, but he just didn't wow me.  At the end of the night he invited me back to his place once again and I once again declined and left it at that.  He texted me later and obviously felt a bit of the cold shoulder from me at the end of the night.  I told him I had a nice time and that we could go out again, but honestly, after writing this blog and reflecting on my date I'm thinking that i really don't want to waste my time with a testosterone filled spitter.

Tuesday, October 9, 2012

B25, B26, B27 and an appearance from B21

I don't even know where to start.  Operation Dark Lord has kept me really busy.  I've turned into a dating fool these past few weeks.  I think that in the end there will be two Bachelors standing and I actually haven't even gone on dates with them yet.  So here is the breakdown of my next three Bachelors.

B25 responded to my Dark Lord add.  He's a private investigator and I thought that was kind of cool.  I actually had this whole film noir thing playing out in my head.  However, he did not show up in a trench coat, order a whiskey on the rocks and call me a dame.  We did have a nice date involving a few beers at Fountainhead, which is becoming one of my favorite beer bars in Chicago.  He was nice enough and we had a good conversion but I really wasn't feeling a spark.  Also, he kept staring at my boobs so that's pretty annoying.  We left on good terms, but he hasn't called me and I honestly wasn't that in to him so I figured I should let it pass.

B26 is actually someone I met on OKC a bit ago.  He really wasn't my type, but wrote me a really nice e-mail and it turns out he is a food critic so I was thinking I could be foodie friends with him.  I sort of lied and told him I wasn't looking for a relationship.  He e-mailed me a lot and we finally decided to meet up.  We went for lunch (this wasn't a date so I was okay with getting food) and then had a few beers at Sheffiled's (which is now my go-to date place).  Turns out he can not hold his booze and was out after only two drinks.  Pathetic.  I could tell that he was into me, but I was so not into him.  It was fun to talk foodie stuff with him, but he looked like Newman from Seinfeld and can't hold his booze.  No way Jose.  He's been e-mailing and texting me ever since our date last week and I've kind of stopped responding because it's getting a little creepy.  If you send three texts to someone throughout the day and they don't respond then you should probably take a hint.  Also, I think I have issues with guys liking me.  I only seem to like the ones that don't like me in return...what the fuck is up with that?  I feel that's a whole other blog and a few sessions at the therapist.

B27 is someone I might go on a second date with.  He really isn't my type physically   He's the first Chinese-American I've dated and I'm just not turned on by Asian men.  I'm always willing to prove myself wrong though and I like that he seemed very polite and was a world traveler.  Turns out that he's a beer geek too and a pretty funny guy.  I had a really nice date with him, but I just wasn't feeling it.  I'm thinking about giving him a second date before I write him off though. this is a strange twist of fate.  So I had some issues with my debit card and needed to stop by my bank to see if they could help me.  I thought i was just going to go to the teller and make a quick withdrawal and leave   I knew B21 worked at that branch, but I've never run into him.  So I get there and they decided I need to speak to a banker....who happens to be B21.  There was a little awkward moment and then we fall into conversation.  We decide to meet up for a drink.  Turns out that I actually do enjoy hanging with B21 as a friend.  We had a really nice time out and got to catch up with each other.  We agreed to stay in contact and have been texting ever since.  Now, the twist to all of this is that B21 is REALLY into me.  Not only did he make me make a pact to marry him at 40 if we are both single, but he also told me that he had the most amazing sex with me.  It was a total confidence boost to hear that I'm so skilled in the bedroom.  Kind of want to put that on my resume.  He was so kind and sweet to me that I felt bad for not liking him that way in return.  He wants to hook up with me again, but I'm not sure if that's what I want to do.  On the other hand, I'm horny as hell and this might keep me from jumping into bed with an unassuming bachelor.  We'll see, but I'm going to try and keep it in my pants.

So there you have it.  I have 2 more potential Bachelors to try out and then Operation Dark Lord will come to a close.  I don't know if I've found anyone worthy of my Dark Lord yet.  I might have to try posting again and see what I find.

Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Operation Dark Lord

Operation Dark Lord actually started as a joke.  I recently became the owner of a bottle of 3 Floyds 2009 Dark Lord Imperial Stout.  For those of you who aren't beer geeks this is a big deal.  Dark Lord is only produced for one event during the year (Dark Lord Day) and if you can get your hands on a bottle you are a lucky duck.  My friend and I were enjoying lunch when I started musing about how it would be funny to post an ad about how I was looking for someone special to share my Dark Lord with.  We figured I would either find some beer geeks or Satan worshipers, but either way it wold be fun.

Later that night I went on to Craigslist and started hashing out an ad.  Here is what I ended up posting

Looking for someone special to share my Dark Lord with (32F Lakeview)

I have this bottle of Dark Lord 2009 and I was just thinking about how I would like someone special to share it with. So if you are a beer geek who does not have an ironic beard or mustache then you should message me. I'm looking for someone serious so if you are looking for a casual hook-up then keep looking. I love to eat and drink good food, go on adventures, and cook. If you are interested in finding out more then just reply to this ad. I will send pictures if I decide to respond to your e-mail.

Also, I'm not interested in anyone who has or wants to have kids, doesn't live in the city and is over the age of 45.

Devil worshipers need not apply.  

I had never considered looking for love on Craigslist.  It just seems really dodgy and after looking at the some of the ads that other people had posted I wasn't quite sure this was going to end well.  However, I was  inundated with responses from real, normal men.  I got about 50 messages after the first day!  I'm now messaging about 20 guys and three have already asked me out!  Holly Hannah!  Had I known it was going to be this easy to attract a man I would have done this months ago.  I think the only way I would have gotten more responses is if I posted a pic of my boobs.  I guess it's just a matter of having the right bait.  In this case, Dark Lord.  It's like worms for beer geeks!

So I've decided to name my new endeavor Operation Dark Lord.  We have passed phase 2 and are one to phase 3, actual dates.  We'll see how it goes, but don't laugh at me when I tell you I met my boyfriend on Craigslist, okay?

Sunday, September 16, 2012


When will I learn to follow my gut and stick to my rules? The rules are there for a reason. I am still a little raw because I have officially lost contact with B23. After our exchanges almost a week ago he has totally stopped responding. This annoys me to no end, but I know there is nothing I can do about it. I'm honestly considering talking to the next guy I get serious with and just asking him to please let me know when he's done with me. It's so much nicer to just get a text message letting me know he's not interested than sitting around and wondering what the fuck is going on. So I have somehow frightened off another bachelor. Drats.

I had decided that I really wasn't going to search for any more bachelors until after the holidays. My heart just needs a break even though I know my vagina will be angry. I was on OKC Friday afternoon when I get a message from B24. I checked out his profile and he's really kinky and a little cocky so I figure I'm going to have some fun with this guy. He's one of those types who thinks that girls can't 'handle' him. I immediately put him in his place and let him know that the kinky stuff does not frighten me off. We chat for a bit and then he makes a comment about inviting himself over to my apartment. I respond that there is not way in hell that is happening and that I thought that was a typical douche bag response. He apologizes, we chat for a bit more and he asks for my phone number. I give it to him, but am really not impressed with this guy.

Also, his two pics he has posted are a little dark and fuzzy so I can't really see what he looks like. His profile says he is 38 and white so I don't really think too hard about this. I also figure there is always the chance to ask for more pictures. So on Saturday he texts me and pretty much sets up a date within 5 minutes. He's so forward that I don't even realize I've agreed to a date until it's over. I figure what the hell. I have a Saturday night free and I should go out and have fun. I tell myself that this could be a good opportunity and that I should be spontaneous. This could be the guy I've been waiting for.

Turns out that he is NOT the guy I was expecting. First off he looks more like 48 and he's not white. I immediately believe him to be Arabic and I'm not too excited about that. I've dated Arabic and Indian men and they are just not for me. He looks like the men who wear gold chains and run family style restaurants back in Northwest Indiana. Also, he's not even good looking so there is no sexual desire on my part at all. He even kisses my hand when we first meet and this makes my skin crawl. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

So we find a table and have a few beers. Turns out he was born in Cyprus and raised in Montreal, but has lived in the states for about 13 years. He's a medical engineer (which means he makes a lot of money) and loves to read self help books. He enjoys dancing (especially Latin) and has been dating a lot of Eastern European women who are not kinky. I am so not into him.

At this point I know that this date is a waste of lipstick. I kindly sit through one a half beers and then I decide to be straight with him. I let him know that i am not feeling it and that I don't think it will work between us. The sad thing is that I think he was on a way better date than I was. He was nice enough to talk to and I felt it was my duty to introduce him to the kinky community and FetLife, but there was not way in hell that I was going to go on a second date with this guy let alone get into bed with him.

The moral of the story is that I had signs and just choose to ignore him. First off his messages were in broken English, but I just thought he was typing too fast and didn't have spell check or something. Second, always get a few good (recent) pictures. Third, if they seem too forward there is probably a reason for that. Confidence is okay, but being cocky can district you from finding out some important information before you jump into a date.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

B10 is dating again, B23 has dissappeared and B6 is the Penis Whisperer

My apartment is a tragic mess and I'm recovering from a mini-hangover I inflicted on myself last night. Turns out that my stomach does not like beer, tater tots and a turtle sundae for dinner. I feel the need to write about my bachelors and how I might be heading towards heartache or awesomeness. At this point, It's any one's guess.

So after B23 couldn't find parking I decided to invite B10 over. He was able to find parking without a problem and we had amazing sex (as usual). I even learned a new trick which I will share with any individuals who private message me :) After sexy time we were laying around talking about relationships and it turns out that he is seeing a chef who lives in Guernee and has 14 year old kid. WTF...this guy moves fast. I really wanted to say something, but we also had this chat about not asking guys about important relationship things right after sex....umm then when the fuck am I supposed to tell him that I've had a crush on him and want to give US a chance? Seriously, they say girls are complicated, but I just don't get men.

I did end up patching things up with B23. I swallowed my pride and apologized for being bitchy with him about the parking situation. He accepted and when I went over to his place a few days later he greeted me with a glass of wine and a massage. Now, this is where it all gets twisty. I messaged him last Friday and asked he wanted to come over for a dinner sleep over this week. I received no answer. This was very strange because he's good at getting back to me and we've texted every day since we met. Every morning he texts me a good morning message and I've started to look forward to that. I didn't hear from him all Saturday or Sunday. So Sunday night I just sent him a simple text asking him how his weekend was and got no response. I was starting to think that I lost him.

Yesterday after work I tried to meet up with B10 but he was busy (and apparently is going to spend a week in Dallas with his new girl...seriously?). I ended up drinking at the Local Option by myself because I was dealing with my stupid girl emotions. I'm sitting at this bar, drinking good beer and wearing a tight leopard skirt, my hair down, and red lipstick. I looked hot and not a single guy (and there were many) chatted me up. I don't get it. By the time I left I was drunk so I dialed my friends and family and ranted about how much men suck. I hate being THIS girl. I sent one more text to B23 which was this: ....?. Still no reply. I then remembered some advice I got from B6 about sending a racy picture to get a guys attention. It wasn't really my style, but I decided to try it.

Turns out B6 is the Penis Whisperer and after sending a few saucy pics I got a response from B23. Amazing. Guess if you want to understand men you should just ask a male friend for advice. Anyway, B23 says that his phone wasn't working (which actually is believable because it broke on him the other day when I was with him) and he spent the weekend celebrating his mom's birthday. I still don't understand why he couldn't send me a quick e-mail letting me know that his phone wasn't working, but hey, I guess that guy brains don't work like girl brains. Anyway, I'm hoping things start working out with B23. I think I'm going to stop holding back and see what happens. I admit that after B19 I started to build some walls. I really didn't' want to get hurt that way again. So it's time to do things differently. If I like a guy I need to go for it and let him know because I don't need another B10 situation on my hands.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

why do I even bother?

B23: I can't find parking
MadGirl: Uh-oh.
B23: Nothing, even like 5 blocks away..How about an 830 breakfast wake up call?
MG: :(
B23: I know! It's like no one is leaving and there are tons of moving trucks so a lot less spots.
B23: ?
MG: Ok...I will just spend my evening all alone :(
B23: Don't make me feel guilty ;)
MG: I am not sure if I will be up at that hour. If you are not coming over I am going out.
B23: Ok

I am seething right now. Why can't I just find a guy who does not disappoint me? If B23 really wanted to be with me he had so many other options. He could have invited me to his place or taken the bus. We are only about 15 minutes away from each other by public transportation. I can't believe he wouldn't even make an effort. So I immediately sent a text to B10 who might be stopping by later. I'm hurt and I figure sex with B10 can't make things worse. Most likely I'll be drinking bourbon and feeling like speaking the truth. I'm feeling bold tonight. Let's see what happens.

Friday, August 31, 2012

The B10 situation

The good news is that B10 is single again. The bad news is that if I don't act fast he may not be for long. About a week ago I was stalking his OKC and FetLife profile and noticed that he had made some changes and it seemed like he might be single again. That night he texted me letting me know he was single. I was thrilled. Finally my chance had come. However, I really do enjoy B23 and think that might lead somewhere. Deep down I know I'm a sucker for B10 though and need to see where that will lead. B10 and I exchanged a few texts where he told me he had a date with a girl the next night. Damn, this guy works quickly and clearly I wasn't the only girl on his mind. That was a bit of a bummer, but he isn't taken yet so I know there is still time.

So we haven't set a time to meet yet, but have texted each other on and off this week. My most recent text from him said that he might not be single for long and I know my window of opportunity is small. I have something I need to do. I need to find out if I have a chance to be with him because not knowing is going to eat me up. I need to let him know i have a crush on him and that I want a chance to be with him. I really don't know what he is going to say. Did he ever think of me like that? I know we are friends, but will he want more? Best case scenario is he likes me too and we live happily ever after. Worst case is he rejects me. It's frightening going into the unknown and I know it will need to involve some booze.

There is also the B23 factor. The guy is growing on me. I cooked dinner for him last night and we cuddled and watched movies (and had multiple rolls in the hay). We haven't really established where we stand with each other yet. Hell, I still don't know his last name! So here I am, at a cross roads. I know i'm going to try to come up with an excuse not to tell B10, but if I catch him before he's dating someone again I need to come clean. This is about my happiness. This is about me growing a pair and telling a boy that I like him. It's a whole new adventure for me. Wish I could just slip him a note and run away....

Sunday, August 19, 2012

B23 breaking the rules...again

It's Sunday and I've seen B23 three times since last Thursday night. I met him on FetLife when he e-mailed me commenting on all the losers that had posted responses to a recent ad I put up. The first thing I noticed was that he was 26 which was a bit outside my age range. However, he didn't' seem like a douche and had something to say that was original so I e-mailed him back. Turns out he is on OKC so I was able to stalk his profile there. He looked young, but I was also really interested in him because he didn't seem like the average looser I am used to attracting. We exchanged numbers and so the texting began. Texting turned into sexting and we soon had plans for a first date (which was last Friday). He tried to get me to come over before then, but I stood my ground and insisted on a first date without sex first. This almost worked.

Last Thursday I went over to his apartment after work for a pre-date. First, off his apartment is amazing. He owns the building and has been restoring everything himself. It is by far the most grown up place I've been in. Secondly, he doesn't look as young as his pic and I am definitely attracted to him. Thirdly, we had sex. I didn't mean to (hell, I hadn't even gotten waxed) but I couldn't resist myself. It started with harmless cuddling and the we started fooling around and the next thing you know.... It was awesome and I have no regrets. So, this was our pre-date.

For the real date we hung out on Friday night, went to dinner and then had more sex. The chemistry is definitely there, but i worry about when he will loose interest and drop off the face of the earth. It's been known to happen with my bachelors and now I'm a bit nervous about it. He also came over this afternoon for a very intense sex session and boy has be pushed my boundaries. I can say that there are a number of things I am crossing off my kinky bucket list and I like it.

I'm trying to not get too emotionally involved yet, because I really don't want my heart to get broken. I'm not sure I can handle any more heart break for a while. So this is where it stands. I'm very excited about this bachelor and can't wait to spend more time with him. I never would have thought that a younger guy could really fulfill me, but it seems that things are finally working in my favor. Keep your fingers crossed and I promise to post more about B23. I think you are all going to like this one.

Saturday, August 11, 2012

Mad Girl does not like kids

I am really not a huge fan of kids. I just don't have patience for them. There used to be a point in my life when I wanted 6 kids. Maybe it's because I got wiser as I got older, maybe it's because years of retail have made me NEVER want to procreate or maybe it's because I like the lifestyle that not having kids affords me, but I am 99% sure I NEVER want children.

The thing is that I do like kids. I love my cousin's kids and they seem to like me as well. I also plan on being an awesome auntie one day. However, in general, I hate other people's kids and I guess it's not really the kids fault, but the parents. Unfortunately I see the worst side of parenting. I work in an upper middle class neighborhood where both husband and wife work and decide to hire a nanny to watch their children. There is something to be said for parents who raise their own kids rather than leaving them in the hands of a nanny. I also think that a lot of parents I see have kids more as status symbols. I really don't think I could hate any object more than a double wide stroller. When I see one coming I just think chaos, destruction, and temper tantrums. It gives me anxiety.

I could honestly blog for days about how much I hate these horrible parents and their nasty little children and I'm sure there will be more blogs to come, but let me vent about one very frustrating incident I had yesterday.

I got a phone call from a child of about 7 or 8 who clearly had some communication issues. I couldn't understand what they were asking for and had to ask them to speak up repeatably. I was so fricking frustrated. This conversation took up about 20 minutes of my time when my store was very busy. I had to ask the kid to spell things out and the I would repeat things back only to get it wrong again. I finally found what the kid was looking for, but I really wanted to have them put their parent on the phone.

What the fuck parents!!!! Have you never worked retail? Your child is not prepared to handle a phone call like this. You are not teaching them a lesson you are annoying the fuck out of someone who has way more important things to do. If you can't teach your child to speak clearly then you should not be putting them on the fucking phone. It's little things like this that make my angst build up. I have a laundry list of things like temper tantrums, Cheerios, damaging product, and not watching your children that I plan to rant about. It's time someone spoke up for those of us who are making the choice to not have kids and really don't want to have to live their lives in a kid friendly environment.

Friday, August 10, 2012

bartending school and therapy

I've decided to start making some major changes with my life. I just don't know where to begin. The crap has been building lately and with everything that happened involving my cousin's death I am just not dealing with life very well right now. I feel like I'm very close to a nervous breakdown and I just don't know how to fix it.

This is why I'm going to see a therapist. However, this step is not as easy as I thought it would be. I went to my insurance website and they referred me to therapists and psychologist. I have no idea what type of person I need to see, but I do know I need to speak to someone soon. So I start calling, but half of them didn't answer and the other half were booked for a month! I don't want to wait a month to start fixing my life. Maybe I just need to go to my GP who can then refer me to someone appropriate. Ideally I want to speak to a woman who is under 40 because i need someone who understands what life for a 30 something is like. I really don't know what I need. Grief, Anxiety and maybe a little depression are all creeping into my life more than I would like. I need someone to help me get back on track and make positive changes and maybe I need some meds too.

The other day I was thinking about the things I'd like to change in my life. Here's the list I came up with and it seems that a lot of it is connected. I tried to put my list in my head in order of importance. So, here's what's making me unhappy and stressing me out:

Work - that nasty four letter work probably has me the most stressed and unhappy. I used to love going to my job, but these last few years have been tough and I really can't wait to work my shift and get the hell out of dodge. The problem is that I don't really know what I want to do and the things that do interest me would not pay me enough. I know I've always wanted to be a bartender and there is a chance to make some decent money there so I have an appointment with a bartending school next week. I'm not sure that I'm going to be able to do anything until after the new year though due to time and money constraints.

Relationship - or I guess this would be lack of relationship. I would even settle for a few play partners right now, but I really do want a boyfriend. I want to find that person that makes me want to run away to Vegas and get married. I also suspect I would be a pretty rockin girl friend. Just need a chance to try my skills out. I'm still sore about B10 as well. When I think about him my heart aches like it never has before. I hate that he's got a girlfriend....just hate it.

Money - this is tied to the whole work thing, but, like most Americans, I have debt. I also live a certain lifestyle that I love (going out to eat and drink, buying cute clothes). I really can't make less than I make now and ideally I need to make more so I can get some of my credit card debt down.

Weight - I know this is the eternal girl problem, but I have gained weight this past year and would just like to fit comfortably back into my size 14s. Either way this isn't a major problem for me because I'm confident with my body (most days). I just don't want to get any bigger and want to make sure I don't experience any health issues. I think portion control is the best option for me because I am sure as hell not dieting or working out.

So these are the major areas I need to work on. On the flip side there are things that I love about my life.

Strong Support System - My friends and family are amazing. The only down side is that all of them live at least an hour away. I love my family and miss them very much. It does bum be out that because of my retail job I miss a lot of family functions that are held on the weekends. As for friends I really don't have a support system in the city any more, but I'm working on building one. However, I do have two amazing friends that have basically been my therapists these past few weeks. They are awesome ladies and I am so happy to have them in their lives.

Chicago - It's no secret that I'm in love with this city. I love going on new adventures and taking in all this city has to offer. I'd say I'm in a very serious relationship with Chicago.

Me - I like me. I'm confident in my ability to survive and get through this. I like the life I've built for myself. Sure there are some things to change, but I don't have low self esteem issues and plan to get my life back on track. Also, I'm so excited to be writing on a regular basis again. What the hell made me stop doing this? Too bad this couldn't pay me enough to make a living.

Monday, August 6, 2012

Mad Girl chills with the Yoopers

I recently went with some of my family to take my grandfather's ashes up to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan where he was born. Grandpa's last wishes were to have some of his ashes scattered up there and this had been a trip one year in the making. My grandpa only lived up there for a short amount of time as a child, but a lot of his family remained up there so he returned to visit from time to time. Ever since I was young he took me on trips to visit the UP.

For those of you who don't know the UP is about an 8 hour drive from Chicago. You basically drive to the end of the earth and then keep going another 30 miles or so. We stayed in Houghton, which is where my grandfather grew up. It's one of the bigger towns around there and home to Michigan Tech. You can easily book a hotel downtown and are walking distance from some great bars and restaurants as well as a really nice lake front path. Houghton is right on Portage lake which leads out to Lake Superior. Here are a few of my favorite things to do in the area.

left: main street of Houghton right: Houghton/Hancock bridge over Portage Lake

First off, you MUST go to Suomi Restaurant for pancakes and nissau bread. This is one of the very vivid memories I have of the UP. Suomi is your basic hole in the wall dinner, but they serve these amazing Finnish pancakes which are the size of a large dinner plate and are slightly sweet. They are thinker than a regular pancake, but you really only need one. I also tried the pannu kaku which is a Finnish pancake which was sort of custardy and served with a side of raspberry syrup. You can also get nissau here (try the nissau french toast) which is a Finnish bread flavored with cardamom. I prefer to have mine with thimbleberry jam which you can only get up in this area. Thimbleberry is sweet and sort of like a raspberry. It costs about $10-12 a jar because it's so hard to make. We always get ours from The Jam Lady. The one other food item you have to have is the pasty. They are meat pies that the wife used to make for the miners. They were easy to put into their pockets and eat on a lunch break. I eat mine with butter and a little ketchup on top. If you had an English meat pie it's similar. As you can tell, the Finnish settled this area. Across the lake in Hancock you will find Finlandia university and all the street names are in English and Finnish.

left: pancake middle: Jam Lady right: The Ambassador

The other must eat at place on my list is the Ambassador. It's a prohibition era bar that serves some awesome pizza and drinks in fishbowls. It is a college town after all. You can get some great views of the Houghton-Hancock bridge as well.

We took a nice drive further up the peninsula and scattered my grandfathers ashes in various locations. He is now resting happily at Brockway Mountain, in Lake Superior, at the Eagle Harbor light house and many other stops along the way. My grandfather said that he felt reborn again when he went up to Brockway Mountain. How can you not feel renewed when you are staring out at miles of pristine wilderness? You really do get away from it all up there.

view from Brockway Mountain

There are also some breweries that have popped up in the area. I'm a beer geek so I had to vi st these places. We went to The Library and the Keweenaw Brewing Company. Both had decent beers to try and The Library has food as well.

So if you are looking for a place to escape and don't mind driving to the end of the world then you will enjoy everything that the UP has to offer. The locals are super friendly and full of stories. The food is comforting and the beer is flowing.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Mad Girl and the goat

I have to admit that I have a culinary crush on Stephanie Izard. It all started when I was watching Top Chef Season 4. I liked that she was a local chef and the first female to win Top Chef. After she won I started following her career to see what she would do next. 2 years ago she opened up The Girl and The Goat and I've been dying to eat there ever since it opened. It's damn tough to get reservations and if you do try to book you have to do it a few months in advance.

My friend and I decided to pop by there the other day and see if we could get in. It was 4:30 on a Sunday, just as the restaurant was about to open. We walked in and asked if there were any available tables and by some miracle they were able to seat us. I was already in love with the staff and was pretty sure that the food was going to be fantastic as well. I had finally made it to The Girl and the Goat!!!!

The restaurant's decor is dark, warm and inviting. There is interesting artwork, a beautiful bar and an open kitchen. We were seated and immediately greeted by our awesome server who was super friendly and explained the menu to us. Throughout our meal she helped up make the tough decisions (pig face or goat confit? cheesecake or zucchini bread?)The concept is based around small plates so you usually order about 2 plates per person. I love this kind of food because you get to try a lot of different flavors, experiment with things you wouldn't normally order and get your fill of food.

I started with a cocktail, the best of three, which had vodka, pimms and cucumber. It was refreshing...I sipped it down at a brisk pace and then moved to the beer list which was focused on local craft brews. My first was Saison from the Haymarket brewery right up the street. This went really well with the bread we ordered to start. It was a warm, crusty loaf with corn baked into it. We had some amazing goat butter and corn relish to go with it. It really was the perfect loaf of bread. It had a soft spongy center and a nice crust on the outside. The butter was slightly sour and deep.

We ended up ordering four small plates for our meal (but honestly could have gotten away with 3). Our first plate was the escargot ravioli. The ravioli was so yummy and the tamarind-miso sauce really helped cut the richness of the escargot. After this we had the squash blossom rangoon and pan friend shishedo peppers. The rangoon was yummy, but not a show stopper. Now the peppers weren't my first choice, but damn if they weren't tasty. I've never considered peppers as a side dish like this. They were sweet, a little spicy and covered in Parmesan, sesame seeds and miso. Holy hell were they amazing. This is one of those things you must order when you go there.

At this point I ordered a black IPA and waited for the our pig face. That's right, our main meat dish was two patties of pig face (cheek and jowls) fried so they were crispy on the outside and fatty on the inside. These were served under some fried potato sticks and a fried egg. It was like breakfast for dinner and everything just worked together so well. This was everything right with the world today. Amazing work Chef Izard. I am now in love with pigs face.

By now my friend and I were ready to burst so I did the most rational thing possible and ordered the zucchini cake for dessert. I inhaled my portion and delighted in the fact that she used tomatoes (I think they were candied in some way) as a garnish. This was an amazing meal from start to finish. I'm going back for sure and have plans to bring everyone to eat here. The Girl and the Goat is a true Chicago gem and an all around success as a restaurant. If you want to see what kind of culinary talent this city has then you have to eat here.

zucchini bread, peppers, pigs face

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

deal breakers

I really don't have a lot of deal breakers and I feel that the ones I do have are pretty reasonable.

These are my deal breakers:

Unemployed - I do understand that it's a tough market out there and am okay with dating someone who had been recently laid off, but I do not want to date the type of man who sits on his ass and collects unemployment. At the very least you should get out there and volunteer.

Lives with his parents - No way in hell am I going to date someone who lives with his parents. Just not going to do it.

Married - I've had quite few married men approach me. I don't care if they are in an 'open' relationship - I don't want to be. I plan on getting married one day and I don't want to waste my time with someone who has already committed to another person.

Has or wants to have kids - No way Jose. I am not maternal and do not want to procreate or raise anyone else's children.

And then there are these things that I really don't like, but I would be willing to overlook if they were pretty fucking charming.

Orders steaks and burgers done anything above medium rare - This would just kill me every time we went out to eat. I'd cringe when he orders his steak well done.

Drinks Blue Moon - Actually, drinks any type of shitty beer. I once went on a date at an Irish pub and I ordered a Guinness and my date ordered a Blue Moon. When the waitress brought the drinks she set the Blue Moon in front of me and I had to make a point in saying that I did not order that. What kind of sissy orders a Blue Moon?

Doesn't drink - Worse than drinking bad beer is not drinking any liquor at all. Booze is clearly a big part of my life and I want to be able to share that with the guy I'm dating. I like to go to bars, have cocktail hour and crack open a nice bottle of wine with dinner. I'd like someone to enjoy those things with me.

Doesn't eat meat - Even though I was a vegetarian for 5 years I just don't think I could date a vegetarian. I just like red meat way too much to be spending my days eating tofu. Also, he'd have to be the love of my life and perfect in every other way if he was a vegan.

Is a sports nut - The only way I can get into sports is if I'm at the event and there is good food and drink. Otherwise, it's just not my thing. I get that most guys like sports and I am cool with that, but I don't want to date one of those guys that goes MIA when it's his sports season. I never want to pass on an event or family function because 'The Bears are playing'.

Is uber healthy and fit - Honestly, I like my guys with a little extra padding. I'm not really turned on by the guy who works out 6 days a week for fun. Really? Do people actually have fun working out? I could never be with a gym rat and I don't think that type of guy would appreciate my lifestyle.

Is a picky or unadventurous eater - I'm passionate about good food and willing to try anything. I do not like people who won't try new things or only eat grilled cheese and chicken fingers. Those people can go fuck themselves. If he was the type to travel over seas and only eat at McDonald's I'd probably knife him.

Is uber religious - I'm cool if he believes in god or some higher power, but I am not cool with someone who is really into going to church and talking about jesus. I mock jesus way too much to be with a god fearing christian. Same goes for pretty much any other religion.

Isn't sexual - I like sex. I like to have it a lot in a variety of different settings, styles and positions. If he is not willing to play along then we probably won't last. I need some one who has a kinky side, even if he hasn't really explored it yet.

Is late - I hate people that are always late. Especially those that are over a half hour late. It's okay to run late every once in a while, but I find this irritating and disrespectful.

Monday, July 23, 2012

50 shades of Mad Girl

BTW - you should know - that whole 50's pin up thing - yes - I'd love to take you shopping at a vintage store have you dress up and model for me cause GOD you're sexy

Mad Girl swoons and feels her face flush: Thanks, I'm blushing

Have i mentioned that blushing just turns me on?

Mad Girl tries to find her big girl words...nope not there: Still blushing

Kisses your lips softly - i bet your blush is beautiful - I'd caress your cheek softly, to feel the heat of it - step close to you - my hands caressing your stunning curves - your body is delicious my sweet girl - delicious

Mad Girl notices that her face is getting really hot. This simple e-mail exchange is getting very naughty: Not fair to get me all hot and bothered without any outlet :(

my hand slides into your hair, taking hold firmly. but gently, tilting your head back, my words soft in your ear - sternly - it's very fair my sweet girl - i have no outlet either - but i crave this - i crave you - i lean down and kiss your lips softly, tenderly , biting your lower lip gently

Mad Girl, whimpering: this will certainly make me whimper

i smile against your lip as you whimper - i step closer to you - my body touching yours - you can feel my heart beat through out clothes - beating hard for you - my hand releases your hair and both hands slide down your back slowly - over your back side and pulling you gently to me - our eyes locked - i look at you with hunger, desire, passion and say softly 'hello there beautiful"

Mad Girl decides she should just go with it: I probably wouldn't be able to speak at this point so I would kiss you gently at first and then harder, deeper. I would suck on your bottom lip pulling it into my mouth...biting just a little.

And this is the productive way I've been spending my evening. Now time for a cold shower.

Sunday, July 22, 2012


I've always had this this interest with the 1950's. I think it might have started way back in elementary school when my parents used to take me to this local restaurant called Jim Dandy's. It was a 1950's style diner that served burgers, fries and Green River. I thought Green River was the coolest soda ever and loved that I was getting to taste a little bit of history. I thought that place was so cool with its retro decorations and 50's music playing. Even the waitresses dressed the part. Around the same time my mom made a poodle skirt for my cousin who was in some sort of musical about the 50's. I eventually got that poodle skirt and wore it whenever I could. I even wore it to a school talent show where I sang Going to the Chapel. I still cringe when I think about that....clearly not my finest moment.

I think my next big interest in the 50's was when I got into the Beats in high school. I started with Howl, moved on to On The Road and from there I was obsessed. I read every piece of fiction and non fiction I could get my hands on. This preoccupied me for the next five years or so. In college I chose two classes based on the fact that the would concentrate on the 50's. The first was an English class called Youth Culture of the 1950's. This is the class that introduced me to the David Halberstam's The Fifties which is a great book for anyone mildly interested in that decade. I also took an art class on the Visual Culture of the 1950's. We studied everything from Elvis to Abstract Expressionism. I even got to study Playboy and Bettie Page in this class which I believe was what piqued my interest in the sexier side of the history. To this day, I still find these images (from Bettie Page getting spanked to a demure housewife in her kitchen) powerfully sexy.

I think all things vintage are interesting. I love fashion and pop culture from the 20's through the 60's and have been trying to incorporate more of that passion into my daily life lately. Before I would just dabble in it every now and then for special occasions. I think that pin-up girl hair and make-up are so sexy and glamorous. I like the idea of fresh faced, curvy girls. It's way better than these waifish models we are forced to stare at every day. Nothing sexy about a girl who weights 10 pounds and has no personality. I've also decided that the Rockabilly scene is defiantly worth checking out. It's basically the culmination of everything that I'm in to from fashion to music. Plus, Rockabilly boys are super hot.

I've never been one to identify with a particular group or movement. Maybe it's because nothing really felt 100% right to me or maybe it's because I know that people are so much more than the labels we like to put on them. However, I think having a style that suits me it important. It's important to feel confident, sexy and fun and this is the way I feel when I get all dolled up. To me it's about integrating the things I'm passionate about into my life a little bit more.

With that said, I'm eagerly awaiting a shipment of pin-up and Rockabilly style clothes and accessories. I've been having fun playing with my new make up (I just love red lips!) and hair styles and have found a lot of cool resources out there. I'll post some of these in an upcoming blog so you can all add a little glamour to your lives.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

Mad Girl rocks it out on 3 hours of sleep

I just took myself on the most delightful date. When I woke up this afternoon around 11am I hadn't planned on doing anything besides laying on my couch in my underwear and watching Big Ang and MobWives Chicago episodes. I went to bed at 8am today because I was doing an overnight at work. I didn't think 3 hours sleep was going to help me. However, I somehow found the motivation and went out and about.

First I had to get all dolled up. I'm still eagerly awaiting the arrival of some pin-up style clothes I recently ordered. I really wish they were here, but I made do with what I had. I selected a cute a-line rust colored skirt and a deep purple top. I threw my hair up a la Rosie the Riveter and did my make up pin-up girl style (light shadow, heavy black eyeliner and red lips). It was time to head out on the town.

My first stop was Hot Doug's. I'm ashamed to say that I have never been to this encased meat emporium. Luckily it was just a bus ride away (and not too far from Kuma's Korner, my other favortie joint). When I got there I had to wait in line a bit, but was able to find a seat at the counter. Doug was there working the register and he was a really nice guy. I opted for the bacon and sharp cheddar elk sausage with bacon-garlic mayonnaise and mahon bonvallis cheese. Sweet baby jesus was it yummy and the fries were amazing. I must go back for the duck fat fries and perhaps try the fois gras dog next. This is a great place to take out of town guests or just anyone special in your life. Nothing says I love you like encased meat.

After my fantastic lunch I did a little vintage shopping. I swung by Day and Night Vintage. What a cool shop. So many gems! I even tried on this adorable red 1950's style dress that almost fit (damn my boobs!). They had everything from clothes to vintage playboys. I ended up getting a box purse from the 1940's and a cute apron with cherries all over it. The owner was super sweet and complemented me on my look which made my day. She told me a little about the Chicago Rockabilly scene and invited me to the Big C Jamboree at Martyrs. Seems like a good place to meet some cool people (and maybe my next bachelor?)

After this I swung by Bleeding Heart Bakery's new location and bought a caramelized pineapple parfait and a mini-grasshopper pie which I plan to enjoy right now. Just needed to get laid and this would have been the perfect day. I'm so glad I motivated myself to get dolled up and enjoy an afternoon on the town.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

about a Mad Girl

About a Boy Soundtrack

Whatever happened to Badly Drawn Boy? Apparently he is still making music and touring. This soundtrack appeals to the mellower side of my musical tastes. It's the slightly folksy, a little bit twee part that is drawn to this soundtrack. I remember buying a copy of the book About a Boy by Nick Hornby at a bookshop in Dublin. I had read some Hornby books before and figured this would be a good read for the next leg of my journey (a Eurostar ride to Pars). I also own the movie because I'm a sucker for a good Hugh Grant film. I blame the Anglophile in me.

Favorite songs: Exit Stage Left, Above you below me

Mad Girl tries to unsuck her life

I have to admit that I'm still a little sore about B10. I really just want this awful sinking feeling to go away. I try very hard not to think about him, but it's no use. I really hate being a girl about all of this. I can't believe that I am pining over a boy like some kind of love sick teenaged girl. Ugh!

However, the recent wounded heart and job suckiness has made me re-examine my life and start to make some changes. I think it's about time that I took matters into my own hands and started to unsuck things. Right now there are 3 things that are bringing me down.

  • My job is has it's highs and lows, but the lows are far outweighing the highs lately. Plus, I'm having this whole 'what do I want to be when I grow up' crisis.
  • Money. I've got credit card bills to pay so I just cant up and quit my job. I need to find something that pays close to what I'm making now. Either that or move to a shitty neighborhood, rent a studio and live off ramen...not an option.
  • On top of all of that I'm getting zero lovin. I haven't had sex in months, I'm horny as hell and the only boy I can think about is B10. Frustration times 10.
So I've decided to start being strategic about all of this because that's what I do best. I really love the idea of being a bartender. I know it's not really a career that most aspire to, but I think I might like that job. So, I started checking around to see what bartenders make. I figure that if I can pull in $1000 a week in tips I can make ends meet. I'm going to check out bartending schools and maybe do that and get a job bartending a few nights a week. If it works out for me I can quit my job. Eventually I'd like to become a certified cicerone (which is a beer sommelier) and for my long term goal I'd love to own my own bar. I've decided that I also like museusms so if I can swing the bartending gig I can also find time to volunteer and get my foot in the door. Who knows, this may just be the career change I need. I'm going to just take the next logical step with each thing and hope it works.

Now, all of this could just be my exhausted brain talking. I just got off an overnight at work and haven't slept in almost 24 hours. I could very well wake up later today and decides that this isn't such a great plan. One thing I do heart is still tender and that awful feeling is just not going away.

Monday, July 16, 2012

knowing me, knowing you (a-haa)

I was organizing my CD collection the other day and got this crazy idea to listen to my entire music collection in alphabetical order and blog about it. Some will have more info than others, but I'll try to include interesting stores, concerts, and anything else that sparks my fancy. So here you go.....


I only own the greatest hits CD, but damn if I don't like me some Swedish 70's music. Abba is a great motivator for cleaning and doing laundry. The gay man in me just loves Abba, especially the musical Mamma Mia.

Also, there was a very funny BBC series with Steve Coogan called Knowing Me Knowing You with Alan Partridge. Very funny stuff.

Favorite songs: SOS, Take a Chance on Me

Mad Girl is ready to get inked

I've wanted a tattoo since I was about 15. I remember the first one I was going to get. It was a rainbow around my bellybutton with the word imagine written underneath. I'm glad I didn't go for that one when I was 18. In fact, I held off for two big reasons: money and the fact that I knew I would become addicted. It's no secret that I like tattooed boys. Also, most of my friends have tattoos. I was laying in bed the other night thinking that now was the time. I have a few tattoos in mind that I plan to get over the next few years. The big one is my pin up girl, but I'm going to start small with some cherries:

I know it's simple, but I've always had this thing for cherries. It's something I will be able to live with for the rest of my life and maybe expand into a bigger design (I'd love to get a sleeve). I'm just not sure where to get it. I was thinking that since cherries are sexy and the inside of my thigh is sexy that I should get it there. I also like the idea of getting it on my upper arm on just inside the elbow crook. I worry that the elbow crook might be a little too unprofessional for my line of work though. What are your thoughts?

I want to start with the cherry and go to a really good artist. If I like them they will do my pin-up girl:

I'm thinking about putting her on my thigh. I'm going to change her wardrobe up a bit though. Red bow in hair, dark brown hair, blue sweater, black skirt and stockings and red shoes. She's going to be reading a copy of On The Road. This image has always stuck with me. It's the perfect girl for my first tattoo. My friend has two awesome pin-up girls and I want them to be like hers. They are works of art and very sexy. I'm thinking about going to either Hannah or Kit at Deluxe tattoo, but will take suggestions on other good Chicago tattoo artists.

I have a few other tattoos in mind. I want to get a compass rose between my shoulder blades. This is one is for the traveler in me. I was thinking that instead of directions I can get the names of important people in my life or something like that...not quite sure yet.

The one other things that I'm going to get is a tattoo with my sister. She already has a few and I think it would be neat for each of us to get sister in Polish (which is sisostrzany) tattooed somewhere.

So there is my short term ink plan, what do you think? I'd love suggestions, ideas and tips from those of you in the know.

Saturday, July 14, 2012

the origins of Mad Girl

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars...

Every superhero has an origin story and mine begins with Jack Kerouac. This quote (from On The Road) has always struck a cord with me. When I first read OTR as a teenager I yearned to be part of the mad ones. I wanted to live a life on the outskirts of society, full of adventure and booze. I wanted to hop a train out West and shack up in San Francisco with gay poets. Well, this never played out, but I did spend most of my high school an college career pining over hipster poet boys.

However, I did continue to study the Beat generation in college. I took this class on youth culture of the 1950's and for one of our projects my friend and I wrote this screenplay intertwined with selections of our poetry. I really wish I still had a copy of it. We decided to name it Mad Girl's Manifesto. I guess that idea has always stuck with me and eventually lead me to this blog. So there you have it...the Mad Girl origin story.

Friday, July 13, 2012

why I need to stay away from 4am bars

I am writing this blog from the depths of the worst hangover ever. I think my drinking binge actually started two nights ago. Wednesday was just an all around shitty day for me. On top of feeling horrible about the whole B10 situation, I also had a royally sucky day at work. I can usually manage through a bad day, but this one was just sucksville. So, I did what any normal gal would do. I came home, balled my eyes out and got drunk. My companion for that evening was a bottle of Evan Williams 10 year single barrel bourbon and some Johnny Cash CDs. I felt way better by the end of the night and have to say that bourbon is cheaper than therapy.

So yesterday I go to work and afterwards I head to a Bucktown pub crawl. We started the evening at the Map Room. I had a Bockor Cuvee des Jacobins Rouge which is a Blegian sour red ale. I've been into sour ales lately. If you are a beer geek and live in Chicago then you've been to the Map Room. They have an amazing beer selection from around the world and even offer one cask conditioned selection. After leaving the Map Room we walked up the street to the Charlston. This had to be my favorite bar of the night. It's been a bar since the 1930's and has this amazing old time bar vibe to it. The original wood bar, ice box and tin ceiling add to the worn in charm of this place. The bar was actually used as the green room when they shot High Fidelity and Untouchables. They have a decent selection of beer on tap and the bartenderesse made these awesome mint and cucumber margaritas for us. She had fresh ingredients, bitters and a muddler. I was in heaven. I also tried this amazing white Belgian ale, Blanch de bruxelles. It was almost buttery in taste and smell. So very good. When we finished there we walked around the corner to Danny's Tavern. I love that this bar is basically an old Chicago apartment made into a bar. It's got that whole college house party vibe to it. It's a great place for a date. I went with a beer from 5 Rabbit, which is a local Chicago brewery and one of the only brewery's run my Hispanics. After this we went to Lottie's Pub which is kind of a Kansas City doucebag bar and not really my thing. The pub is named after it's original owner who was a transvestite who ran a gambling ring and other nefarious affairs out of the basement of the bar.

Before we move on with the rest of the night I will add a little bit about Bucktown. It's boundaries are Fullerton to the North, North Ave to the South, Ashland to the East and Western to the West. The name Bucktown comes from the Polish immigrants who originally settled here when it was just farm land. They raised goats here and male goats are called bucks. Also, you will notice that sidewalks are raised and many older homes are sunk into the ground making the second floor the first floor. The reason for this is that, at one point, Chicago decided to have everything at sea level. Sidewalks and streets were raised leaving the house to have look like they've sunk into the ground.

Alright, ready for more? After Lotties we went to Peace brewery for some awesome pizza, some beers and apparently it was Karaoke night. Everyone there was young and douchey and I was feeling particularly superior to them all. There were all the usual suspects, the girl who kept getting up and singing soulful Karaoke songs, the guy wearing a stripped polo shirt and plaid shorts and some hipster looking types that were not actually very friendly. When we were done here I should have just gotten in a cab and gone home. I didn't. My friend and I then went to Delilah's and proceeded to drink more bourbon. We had a Rowan's Creek and then I had the house bourbon. I was originally put off by the female bartender who couldn't make a sazerac, but turns out that she was pretty awesome and knew her bourbon. I also like the atmosphere in Delilahs, it's dark, the music is good and they have an amazing selection for the bourbon geek as well as the beer geek. The owner is also building up a solid collection of tequilas. You are probably wondering how I am still standing after all of this. I wonder the same thing. We then went to Late Bar where I ordered a suntory yamazaki neat on B10's recommendation. (He's sucha stand up guy that he offered to come pick me up and bring me home....sigh). I took about two sips, it was awesome, I was going to vomit. I left my friend and got in a cab. I thought I was going to vomit in the cab, but I somehow made it safely to my bathroom.

I have now spent most of my day being unable to hold anything down. I had to get up for a conference call at 10:30 and was actually still drunk at that point. My whole day has been spent in misery. Lesson learned: no more 4am bars.

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Mad Girl is kind of pathetic and not too proud of herself right now

I am so not proud of myself right now, but I am cyber stalking B10. I really, really, really, like him and I realize that I screwed things up by not making a move on him when I had the chance. He's now dating someone and just changed one of his relationship status to's killing me. I just came across his profile on OKC and may have creeped his pictures and sent him an e-mail. I'm so pathetic. I knew he was seeing someone a month ago when I tried to hook up with him, but I secretly hoped it wouldn't work out. Looks like he's still seeing her...even referred to her as 'sugar' on FetLife. I'm most frustrated with the fact that I'm being such a girl about all of this. And also, if he really was into me too then wouldn't he have done something? Or maybe he didn't think I was interested in him like that?

I have this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and sort of want to cry. I no longer think that i really like him. I know I do. This sucks because I clearly can't act on anything now, but he is really what I've been looking for and I was too stupid (and afraid) to realize it. He's fun to be around, cuddly, makes me happy and is amazing in bed. I feel really comfortable around him and he's one of the few guys that I've ever cooked for. I wish I could go back in time and make it right. I don't have anyone to blame but myself but damn if this doesn't hurt. I figured I had to put it out there right now or else I'd just keep these feelings inside. There, it's been said.

What's a girl to do? I'm going to give you guys a chance to help me out here:

a) Put on your big girl pants and get over it.
b) Wait until B10 is single again and let him know how you feel.
c) Tell him.
d) Get sauced on tequila and drunk text him.