Friday, October 14, 2011
We decided to meet at a bar in the Ukrainian Village around 9pm. This was so past my bedtime, but I sucked it up and figured I should try to have some fun. Turns out that he had a friend playing in the band so there were a few people he knew there. Everyone was really nice and there was no awkwardness at all. It was kind of loud but we started chatting and found that we had a lot in common.
About halfway into our date he got a little touchy and explained that he was an affectionate person. I just didn't feel very comfortable with it and told him I wasn't really touchy feely. I can be when I get to know a guy, but to start out with I'm a little reserved. He also told me how much he liked me and how cute I was. I was truly flattered by this attention, but it made me uncomfortable because I was not really feeling chemistry towards him, plus I have a hard time taking compliments.
We left the bar and decided to get some food but after that I called it a night. I wanted to be honest with him right there and let him know that I wanted to see him again, but didn't think that this would be anything besides friendship. I really do like him and am going to go out with him again, but the last thing I want to do is lead him on because he seems like a really nice guy.
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
- only drinks on a first date and only a few drinks at that. no more getting drunk and smooching boys in bars
- no sex on the first date...in fact, no sex until we've dated for a month or at least 5 dates
- no invites to my apartment until after we've had 2 dates. this goes for visits to his apartment as well
- follow my gut. no compromising early on. if it doesn't feel right then I need to cut my losses and move on.
I'm not sure how well I'll be able to stick to these guidelines, but I'm really going to try to be good about this. The idea is that I find someone who wants to get to know me and genuinely wants to spend time with me. Once that's been established then we can have lots and lots of sex.
Saturday, October 8, 2011
I guess I was just having so much fun with him that I choose to not read too much into any 'signs'. I figured he was just the type of guy who needed more time to get comfortable around me. It came as quite a shock when I went to check my Facebook account last night and I saw that he had posted something on his page that was clearly directed at me.
It was obvious that he read my recent blog, the mean reds, because he actually referred to it in his post. He spoke about me not believing in god and not wanting kids. It was basically a big fuck you message and was probably the most hurtful thing that has ever been directed at me.
At first I was in shock. I went to my kitchen, poured a glass of wine and started chopping veggies for dinner. Then it hit me and I started sobbing. I'm talking, uncontrollable, heaving sobs. How could someone that had once made me so happy make me so miserable? I pulled myself together enough to reach out to my friends for a little comfort. They helped and I knew that it was time to cut B19 loose (as if there would be any other option). I sent him a message on Facebook letting him know I had read his post and thought it was time to move on. I then promptly unfriended him. I still just can't (and probably won't) understand how a grown-ass man could be so cruel. I totally misjudged this one.
Tuesday, October 4, 2011
Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?
Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?
I've been in a bit of a funk lately that lead to a case of the mean reds about a week ago. They eventually transitioned to the blues and I feel that now I'm out of my rut. I've got a lot of shit going on in my life right now and in bits and pieces it really wouldn't be that bad, but when it all hits around the same time and is combined with a horrible case of PMS...you get the mean reds.
First off I had scheduled some cleaners to come in and clean my apartment. I was planning this all month and had let certain areas of my apartment get pretty dirty. Well, I get up and wait for the cleaners to arrive and when they are 30 minutes late I call the company and they say they canceled my cleaning appointment! What the fuck! So, on top of wasting an afternoon waiting for these people I'm now in charge of cleaning my apartment. GRRRRR!
So to add to this I got to thinking about B19. I decided to be a big girl and approach the subject of our 'relationship'. I feel strange referring to him as 'the guy I'm dating'. We've been dating for about four months, we are both exclusive and I have not desire to see anyone else. Plus, I really, really like him. Well, that conversation did not go as well as planned. I thought we could come to an agreement to 'go steady' (yep, I'm old). Instead he sort of skirted around the issue and made it clear that I'm just 'the girl he's dating'. Awesomeness.
Well, to top everything off I call my mom and listen to her cry about her relationship with my dad and the strain that moving in with my grandmother after my grandfather's death is putting on their marriage. I've always come for a happy, stable home, but lately home is the last place I want to be. My mom is very unhappy because she is trying to please everyone and feels guilty about my grandma because she is depressed. My grandma doesn't want to be left alone and will even follow you from room to room like a puppy. My parents are free to live the life they used to live and I am starting to resent my grandma big time. I truly don't even want to be around her because she drives me batty. It's just no a good situation and it's only a matter of time until it all blows up.
As you can see, things got a little intense and emotional and hit a boiling point for me. I'm better now, but think I should probably look to get on some sort of medication so I don't break down at work one day and strangle a Lincoln Park housewife.