Sunday, August 29, 2010

Too Much To Handle?

Well aren't you tasty for being 30 and so skinny...thought you were underage at first. It's not often I can say that about such a fragile and innocent girl being very attractive. You probably can't keep up with an experienced and kinky daddy unfortunately, can you? ;-)

...we'd definitely make good looking kids though.

I shit you not, some guy just sent me that in a e-mail. I find so many things wrong and offensive that I had to share it. First off, he is 28 and clearly being 30 is old for him. Does he think that being in your 30s means you must look like a hag? Also, assuming I am underage is just plain creepy. Secondly, I am not, nor have I ever been, skinny. Granted I didn't post full body pics of myself, so he just saw my legs...which are pretty fantastic on their own, but they do not attach themselves to a skinny person. Third, innocent and fragile are two of the last words you would use to describe me (along with graceful, musically inclined, and neat). I'm strong, like bear. And then there is the assumption that I can't keep up. Not impressed, stallion.

And finally, there is the reference to our children. His profile does not show his face, just a shot of his naked chest. I'm willing to bet that there is a damn good reason for this. I'm not taking my chances on him looking like Sloth from the Goonies. There is also something wrong with suggesting procreation in the first e-mail - just plain wrong.

Usually I just brush off the weird e-mails and move on, but this one really got under my skin. I'm tempted to e-mail him back and give him piece of my mind.

P.S: His message title: Too much to handle?

Wednesday, August 25, 2010

Totally Mediocre Sex

I just had Bachelor #8 over for some totally mediocre sex. I was hoping there would be some sort of passion or spark this time around, but not so much. This is a bummer because I do like this guy. It's not like the sex was terrible, but it just lacked the passion and roughness i have become used to with Bachelor #4 and Bachelor #6. Also, he was getting ready to go on a bike ride and came dressed in biker gear a la Lance Armstrong. This, my dear readers, is not one of my fetishes. It was vaguely reminiscent of something Aquaman (Bachelor #3) would have worn. The sex we had was the sort of sex I'd expect from an amateur and maybe he is. Is this what normal sex is like? I really wish there was some sort of chemistry but maybe that's what is laking. What really irks me is that i actually like him and find that we have a lot in common and could easily date. This was our second encounter, and while it was better than the first, and he did do his best to pleasure me, I just wasn't impressed. The strange thing is that I will probably do it with him again.

So, just as he was leaving I get a text from Bachelor #6 who volunteers to be my bad sex savior. In a ultimate slutty move I have invited him over and he is on the way right now...

****break for sex and post sex conversation***

Once again, it's Bachelor #6 to the rescue. The sex was great as usual, but it's actually the conversation after that I look forward to (okay, maybe not as much as the sex, but it's close). I find Bachelor #6 fascinating and tonight I found out that he was in a band with Pete Wentz before he started Fall Out Boy, there is a Fall Out Boy song written about him, he is quite popular is Australia, he's publishing a book for Keltie Colleen who is going to be on the next Bachelor. I'm fascinated and somewhat inspired by him. Here is a guy who built a career as a writer and DIY publisher from nothing. You've got to admire that. I have decided to make a better effort to keep up with my blog and maybe expand my horizons from just sex to other topics (like sex and cocktails, sex and food, sex and literature).

So, for those of you reading - what else would you like me to write about?

Wednesday, August 18, 2010

Cock Tales

So this blog has a dual purpose. First, I'd like to talk about Bachelor #6 and Bachelor #8. I met Bachelor #8 a few weeks ago and after a few drinks and some great conversation I did manage to lure him back to my apartment. I actually had no intention of bringing him home that day. In fact, I sabotaged myself by wearing some not so sexy underwear and not cleaning my apartment. However, my hormones got the best of me and Bachelor #8 willingly obliged. However, the sex was not good at all. Maybe it was because I wasn't in the right frame of mind or maybe it was his not so large penis...not sure. The thing is that I really got along with him and he was a fantastic kisser. A bit of a douche bag, but fun to hang out with. Maybe the other guys I have been with have spoiled me. I mean Bachelor #4 and #6 can certainly rock my world. I guess I was expecting more of the same with this one. However, I know I must take some of the blame since I know I wasn't fully prepared. So, Bachelor #8 and I are going to give it a second try.

Now Bachelor #6...I'm actually reading his book right now. It deals with his sexual exploits and trust me, there are a lot of them. Bachelor #6 and I had a nice moment the other day. He opened up a bit about relationships and I must say that I find him fascinating. I don't know if I want to fuck him or make a bowl of popcorn and watch Sex and the City reruns with him. What he did for me on his last visit was nothing short of a miracle. I have been feeling really down in the dumps lately and wasn't sure I should even be inviting him over. However, he actually fucked me into a good mood. It was fantastic. Just what I needed. I've decided that, for the time being, I am just going to stick with Bachelors #4, #6, and #8 as play partners while I continue to look for the Bachelor who will be able to fulfill me emotionally as well as sexually.

Well, you've listened to my cock time for some cocktails.

3 Citrus Basil Cocktail

This is a great one to make in a batch and serve at your summer parties. However, I made a batch for myself and polished it off in an afternoon. I always use fresh juice (no bottled shit) because it just gives the cocktail a fresher flavor. Trust me, you will taste the difference.

Basil simple syrup
Bring 1/3 cup water and 2/3 cup sugar to boil in a sauce pan. Stir in 4 large basil sprigs and remove from heat. Let steep for 30 minutes.

Pour 2/3 cup fresh lime juice, 1/3 cup fresh lemon juice, and 1/3 cup fresh orange juice and 2 tbs raspberries (I used fresh, but you can use frozen) into a blender. Strain basil syrup into blender, pressing on the basil leaves to get all of the flavor out. Blend until smooth and strain into pitcher. Stir in 1 cup gin. Divide among 6 glasses filled with ice and garnish with basil sprigs.

Mexican Martini

I saw this one on a Food Network show and had to make it for myself. I think this is my new favorite summer cocktail. I think I’m going to try this same recipe, but substitute agave nectar for sugar and tequila for vodka. Also, the original recipe only called for ¼ cup vodka – clearly not enough for me so I took some liberties.

Boil ¼ cup water and ¼ cup granulated sugar over medium heat. Simmer until sugar is dissolved. Se aside to cool. Blend the juice of ½ a lime, 2 cucumbers (peeled and sliced), simple syrup and 4 cups water. Strain into a pitcher and add ¾ cup of vodka and ¼ cup triple sec. You can rim your glasses with chili-lime powder or salt. I used a mixture of salt and chili powder for mine.

Sage Advice

Sage syrup
Bring 1 cup water and 1 cup sugar to a boil. Add a handful or two of sage leaves and remove from heat. Stir. Cover. Let sit for 15 minutes and then strain into a glass container and cool in the fridge.

Muddle 4 cucumber wheels, juice of half a lime and 1oz sage syrup. Add 2 oz gin and some ice. Shake and strain into an old fashioned glass filled with ice.

Friday, August 13, 2010

A Teeny Tiny Emotional Breakdown

The fact that I had a slight emotional breakdown is no big deal really. We all go through rough patches right? Well, mine was a bit more complicated as I decided to have said breakdown while having sex with Bachelor #4. I have to admit that I have been feeling out of sorts and extremely overwhelmed with work issues as of late. I thought that having Bachelor #4 over for a little play time would help me blow off some steam, and besides, I actually really like the guy. He treats me well and is very respectful of my feelings. This certainly came in handy when I decided to burst into tears during sex.

He immediately stopped what he was doing and comforted me as I let out my frustrations between sobs. He was so understanding and encouraging that it made me cry even more. What lead me to this break down? I think that I want and need more in a relationship besides sex. Don't get me wrong, the sex is great and there is no way that I am going celibate or any shit like that. However, I have been focusing so much on the sexual side of my needs that i totally forgot the emotional side. This is the side that wants a guy to go out with, to share some adventures with, to hold me for a little bit and sometimes (not all the time) wake up next to. Getting the sex is easy, but it's the rest of it that I can't seem to make happen. What I don't understand is why can't there be both? And how the hell do I go about getting it? And most importantly does Hallmark make some sort of 'sorry I had a breakdown while you were fucking me' card?