Monday, November 22, 2010

4 am rant

It's almost 4am and I'm having one of my late night online sessions. I've been doing this a lot lately. I'll wake up in the middle of the night and go online for an hour then fall back to sleep. I fell a bit like a zombie right now. Speaking of zombies, are you all watching Walking Dead? I'm really loving it and think I'll read the graphic novels.

I haven't been able to sleep the last few nights because I have work issues on my mind. It seems that there is always something going on at work that causes me to stress out. I realize that retail management is a stressful job, but this is all just starting to take its toll. I was talking to a friend the other day and i figured that my average workday is 11 hours when you factor commute in. I'm starting to think that this is not the best quality of life for me. However, I've been doing this for 10 years and am not quite sure what else I'm qualified to do. Also, I can't really afford to make less than what I'm making now because I refuse to go into more debt.

So I'm thinking about some options:
win the lotto
marry a rich old man with a bad cough
go on Jeopardy or Who Wants to Be a Millionaire
invent something fantastic like the snuggie or shamwow
rob a bank
write a book, get it published and be invited on Oprah to talk about said book

Friday, November 19, 2010

Bachelor #11

You know it's a good date when the guy stays out until 1am and has to get up at 5am the next day. I met Bachelor #11 on OkCupid. We exchanged a few e-mails and I decided that he might be worth a date so I accepted his invitation to Hop Leaf. Picking an awesome bar known for its Belgian beers is certainly a way to get my attention.

I arrived at the bar and took a seat across from him. I can usually tell how the date will be in the first few minutes. If it's awkward and uncomfortable that is certainly not a good sign. However we fell into conversation and there wasn't any sort of awkwardness involved. What I appreciate about Bachelor #11 is that we just sort of bounced back and forth, letting each other take their turn. It was a totally equal exchange of dialogue. I also like that he had a good sense of humor and we seemed to see eye to eye on a lot of things. I think the only weird thing was when he asked me how long my longest relationship was and I had to explain about how I really wasn't a dater until recently. Turns out he's Mr. Commitment with most of his relationships lasting 2 to 3 eyars.

I also seem to have some sort of thing with Latin guys who work in IT. Bachelor #11 is Colombian. He's pretty good looking in that douchbag sort of way, but he certainly not a douche. He is passionate about music, loves to cook, has traveled extensively and has a membership to the art museum. This one could be a keeper.

We polished off two beers and I was expecting the date to end there, but it didn't. He suggested one more beer and this is when I knew the feelings were mutual. A three drink first date is always a good sign. So we had our third beer and he was kind enough to walk me to my train.

As luck would have it, I also think that things are progressing beyond just sex with Bachelor #10. I'm not sure where it's heading, but he did pay me another visit last night and talked about how he wished I lived closer so he could see me more ofen. He also left one of the plugs for his ear here. That is now three items that he's left at my apartment and I'm beginning to think he's marking his territory. Not sure how I feel about that, but i do know I like having him around.

Friday, November 12, 2010

some more about my bachelors

I just finished watching Paranormal Experience and am a little freaked out. I know I shouldn't be watching that before bed. It's not that the movie was particular gruesome or anything. I just tend to get spooked by movies like that. Earlier this afternoon I watched Walking Dead and that didn't scare me. I feel I am pretty prepared for a zombie attack. I'm sure that the likely hood of a demon possession and a zombie attack are nill, yet still I find myself needing a distraction right now. Wish I had Bachelor #10 here....

Last night Bachelor #10 came over to help relive me of some of my stress. It worked. After playtime we sat on my couch and talked while he held me. It was nice. He's a bigger guy and I feel vulnerable and girlish around him. This time he brought leather cuffs over. If you are looking for a way to spice up your love life then I suggest you try them. They were actually shockingly comfy and he was kind enough to leave them here. I also still have his riding corp and suspect that my bedroom might soon turn into sex toy shop...

Even though I tend to be dominate in my real life I like the idea of submitting in the bedroom. I'm confident, independent and can be quite aggressive because of my job. However, I'm finding that I have this other side that just wants to be dominated. At least, by the right guy. I'm selective about my partners. They have to be people I can have a conversations with and they have to make me comfortable. Never in a million years did I think I'd find myself here. I never fathomed that there was anything more than a vanilla lifestyle for me. I also never thought I'd be sharing any of this on a blog, but I suspect I'm not the only kinkster out there...maybe just the only one who's willing to talk openly about it :) These are ideas and emotions that I'm still trying to work out, but I feel like I'm starting to figure out what I need from a relationship.

I don't really think Bachelor #10 is boyfriend material, but I am growing quite fond of him and can't really explain why. I tend to get these attachments to my bachelors. I think it's a girl thing. I'm not even 100% sure if I want a boyfriend right now. I also don't like the idea of not being able to have sex with Bachelor #6 every now and then. I don't think most guys would be cool if their girlfriend kept a few guys on the side. I know I certainly couldn't handle that. Clearly, these are all issues I need to work out before I'm relationship ready. I guess if I do find the right guy then these other bachelors really won't matter -right?

Monday, November 8, 2010

I like him, but I don't LIKE him

I think I might be getting better at this dating thing. At least, I'm starting to figure out the signals. Like tonight when Bachelor #2 gave a few subtle hints that he wanted to be invited over and then offered to walk me home at the end of the night. I let him walk me home and when he got here he asked what floor I lived on. I wanted to answer 'the floor you are certainly not going to see tonight'.

Besides the fact that my apartment was a disaster, I just don't think I'm really into him. I like him and like that I've found a drinking buddy, but I'm just not feeling it with this one. So, do I come out and tell him (remember I've already rejected him once) or maybe just keep dating him and see what happens? Does this thing called a 'spark' actually exist? I keep thinking that maybe since I like this guy enough that that's all I should really hope for. However, I've never been the one to settle, but am I just being too picky?

Meanwhile I've been exchanging texts with Bachelor #10 all night. I just requested he bring handcuffs and he's willing to oblige. When I asked him if there was anything I could do for him he responded: nah..chances are, if I do want something I'll probably just take it. Now that gives me some fantastic shivers of anticipation and let us not forget that he still has his riding crop at my place....

Friday, November 5, 2010

This is NOT a Diet

A few weeks ago I picked up a copy of Eat Right For Your Type, which is a book that talks about what foods are best for each blood type. Turns out I'm a type O, which is the oldest and rarest blood type out there. I think that's pretty cool -I like being rare. You'll be shocked to find out that I'm not one for diets or healthy eating. I prefer to keep my girlish figure by feeding it lots of carbs, cheese and booze. When I started reading the book I thought it was going to ask me to give up everything I love and eat only carrot sticks. Turns out that the Type O diet is based on prehistoric man who used to eat a lot of protein (eggs, meat, seafood, nuts). I was in luck.

Now, there are certain things that I should 'avoid' as Type O. Milk, beans and grains being some of the big ones. Apparently they fuck up my digestive track and make me fat. I've spent the last week trying to get more of the beneficial foods into my meals. This meant experimenting with kale and collard greens. leafy vegetables are NOT delicious. I had to trick myself and eat a bite with my meat because I found them so unsavory. I think I'm going to have to treat myself like a 3 year old and sneak these veggies into my meals. Luckily I like spinach and broccoli.

I've certainly strayed a bit this past week (maybe a few drinking binges and some fried food). However, overall I'm quite proud of myself and the healthy meals I've cooked. I've even brought my lunch to work. My consumption of the bad things is down and I'm eating more fruits and veg than ever before. Sadly I'm not hitting the required 3-4 servings a day. Have you tried to eat 4 servings of vegetables each day? It's hard. I've also noticed that my body is not hating me as much. There a little less need for Imodium these days which is something i've needed a lot since I removed my gallbladder.

So does this mean I'm on a diet? Fuck no. I assure you that when you go out to eat with me I will not be ordering the most sensible thing on the menu. This just means that I'm going to make healthier choices when I'm in control of what is one my plate. Yes, Chipotle and I will still have our special relationship and I will NEVER give up cheese, but maybe I'll actually start treating my body better and see where that gets me. Couldn't hurt right?