Wednesday, September 26, 2012

Operation Dark Lord

Operation Dark Lord actually started as a joke.  I recently became the owner of a bottle of 3 Floyds 2009 Dark Lord Imperial Stout.  For those of you who aren't beer geeks this is a big deal.  Dark Lord is only produced for one event during the year (Dark Lord Day) and if you can get your hands on a bottle you are a lucky duck.  My friend and I were enjoying lunch when I started musing about how it would be funny to post an ad about how I was looking for someone special to share my Dark Lord with.  We figured I would either find some beer geeks or Satan worshipers, but either way it wold be fun.

Later that night I went on to Craigslist and started hashing out an ad.  Here is what I ended up posting

Looking for someone special to share my Dark Lord with (32F Lakeview)

I have this bottle of Dark Lord 2009 and I was just thinking about how I would like someone special to share it with. So if you are a beer geek who does not have an ironic beard or mustache then you should message me. I'm looking for someone serious so if you are looking for a casual hook-up then keep looking. I love to eat and drink good food, go on adventures, and cook. If you are interested in finding out more then just reply to this ad. I will send pictures if I decide to respond to your e-mail.

Also, I'm not interested in anyone who has or wants to have kids, doesn't live in the city and is over the age of 45.

Devil worshipers need not apply.  

I had never considered looking for love on Craigslist.  It just seems really dodgy and after looking at the some of the ads that other people had posted I wasn't quite sure this was going to end well.  However, I was  inundated with responses from real, normal men.  I got about 50 messages after the first day!  I'm now messaging about 20 guys and three have already asked me out!  Holly Hannah!  Had I known it was going to be this easy to attract a man I would have done this months ago.  I think the only way I would have gotten more responses is if I posted a pic of my boobs.  I guess it's just a matter of having the right bait.  In this case, Dark Lord.  It's like worms for beer geeks!

So I've decided to name my new endeavor Operation Dark Lord.  We have passed phase 2 and are one to phase 3, actual dates.  We'll see how it goes, but don't laugh at me when I tell you I met my boyfriend on Craigslist, okay?

Sunday, September 16, 2012


When will I learn to follow my gut and stick to my rules? The rules are there for a reason. I am still a little raw because I have officially lost contact with B23. After our exchanges almost a week ago he has totally stopped responding. This annoys me to no end, but I know there is nothing I can do about it. I'm honestly considering talking to the next guy I get serious with and just asking him to please let me know when he's done with me. It's so much nicer to just get a text message letting me know he's not interested than sitting around and wondering what the fuck is going on. So I have somehow frightened off another bachelor. Drats.

I had decided that I really wasn't going to search for any more bachelors until after the holidays. My heart just needs a break even though I know my vagina will be angry. I was on OKC Friday afternoon when I get a message from B24. I checked out his profile and he's really kinky and a little cocky so I figure I'm going to have some fun with this guy. He's one of those types who thinks that girls can't 'handle' him. I immediately put him in his place and let him know that the kinky stuff does not frighten me off. We chat for a bit and then he makes a comment about inviting himself over to my apartment. I respond that there is not way in hell that is happening and that I thought that was a typical douche bag response. He apologizes, we chat for a bit more and he asks for my phone number. I give it to him, but am really not impressed with this guy.

Also, his two pics he has posted are a little dark and fuzzy so I can't really see what he looks like. His profile says he is 38 and white so I don't really think too hard about this. I also figure there is always the chance to ask for more pictures. So on Saturday he texts me and pretty much sets up a date within 5 minutes. He's so forward that I don't even realize I've agreed to a date until it's over. I figure what the hell. I have a Saturday night free and I should go out and have fun. I tell myself that this could be a good opportunity and that I should be spontaneous. This could be the guy I've been waiting for.

Turns out that he is NOT the guy I was expecting. First off he looks more like 48 and he's not white. I immediately believe him to be Arabic and I'm not too excited about that. I've dated Arabic and Indian men and they are just not for me. He looks like the men who wear gold chains and run family style restaurants back in Northwest Indiana. Also, he's not even good looking so there is no sexual desire on my part at all. He even kisses my hand when we first meet and this makes my skin crawl. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

So we find a table and have a few beers. Turns out he was born in Cyprus and raised in Montreal, but has lived in the states for about 13 years. He's a medical engineer (which means he makes a lot of money) and loves to read self help books. He enjoys dancing (especially Latin) and has been dating a lot of Eastern European women who are not kinky. I am so not into him.

At this point I know that this date is a waste of lipstick. I kindly sit through one a half beers and then I decide to be straight with him. I let him know that i am not feeling it and that I don't think it will work between us. The sad thing is that I think he was on a way better date than I was. He was nice enough to talk to and I felt it was my duty to introduce him to the kinky community and FetLife, but there was not way in hell that I was going to go on a second date with this guy let alone get into bed with him.

The moral of the story is that I had signs and just choose to ignore him. First off his messages were in broken English, but I just thought he was typing too fast and didn't have spell check or something. Second, always get a few good (recent) pictures. Third, if they seem too forward there is probably a reason for that. Confidence is okay, but being cocky can district you from finding out some important information before you jump into a date.

Tuesday, September 11, 2012

B10 is dating again, B23 has dissappeared and B6 is the Penis Whisperer

My apartment is a tragic mess and I'm recovering from a mini-hangover I inflicted on myself last night. Turns out that my stomach does not like beer, tater tots and a turtle sundae for dinner. I feel the need to write about my bachelors and how I might be heading towards heartache or awesomeness. At this point, It's any one's guess.

So after B23 couldn't find parking I decided to invite B10 over. He was able to find parking without a problem and we had amazing sex (as usual). I even learned a new trick which I will share with any individuals who private message me :) After sexy time we were laying around talking about relationships and it turns out that he is seeing a chef who lives in Guernee and has 14 year old kid. WTF...this guy moves fast. I really wanted to say something, but we also had this chat about not asking guys about important relationship things right after sex....umm then when the fuck am I supposed to tell him that I've had a crush on him and want to give US a chance? Seriously, they say girls are complicated, but I just don't get men.

I did end up patching things up with B23. I swallowed my pride and apologized for being bitchy with him about the parking situation. He accepted and when I went over to his place a few days later he greeted me with a glass of wine and a massage. Now, this is where it all gets twisty. I messaged him last Friday and asked he wanted to come over for a dinner sleep over this week. I received no answer. This was very strange because he's good at getting back to me and we've texted every day since we met. Every morning he texts me a good morning message and I've started to look forward to that. I didn't hear from him all Saturday or Sunday. So Sunday night I just sent him a simple text asking him how his weekend was and got no response. I was starting to think that I lost him.

Yesterday after work I tried to meet up with B10 but he was busy (and apparently is going to spend a week in Dallas with his new girl...seriously?). I ended up drinking at the Local Option by myself because I was dealing with my stupid girl emotions. I'm sitting at this bar, drinking good beer and wearing a tight leopard skirt, my hair down, and red lipstick. I looked hot and not a single guy (and there were many) chatted me up. I don't get it. By the time I left I was drunk so I dialed my friends and family and ranted about how much men suck. I hate being THIS girl. I sent one more text to B23 which was this: ....?. Still no reply. I then remembered some advice I got from B6 about sending a racy picture to get a guys attention. It wasn't really my style, but I decided to try it.

Turns out B6 is the Penis Whisperer and after sending a few saucy pics I got a response from B23. Amazing. Guess if you want to understand men you should just ask a male friend for advice. Anyway, B23 says that his phone wasn't working (which actually is believable because it broke on him the other day when I was with him) and he spent the weekend celebrating his mom's birthday. I still don't understand why he couldn't send me a quick e-mail letting me know that his phone wasn't working, but hey, I guess that guy brains don't work like girl brains. Anyway, I'm hoping things start working out with B23. I think I'm going to stop holding back and see what happens. I admit that after B19 I started to build some walls. I really didn't' want to get hurt that way again. So it's time to do things differently. If I like a guy I need to go for it and let him know because I don't need another B10 situation on my hands.

Sunday, September 2, 2012

why do I even bother?

B23: I can't find parking
MadGirl: Uh-oh.
B23: Nothing, even like 5 blocks away..How about an 830 breakfast wake up call?
MG: :(
B23: I know! It's like no one is leaving and there are tons of moving trucks so a lot less spots.
B23: ?
MG: Ok...I will just spend my evening all alone :(
B23: Don't make me feel guilty ;)
MG: I am not sure if I will be up at that hour. If you are not coming over I am going out.
B23: Ok

I am seething right now. Why can't I just find a guy who does not disappoint me? If B23 really wanted to be with me he had so many other options. He could have invited me to his place or taken the bus. We are only about 15 minutes away from each other by public transportation. I can't believe he wouldn't even make an effort. So I immediately sent a text to B10 who might be stopping by later. I'm hurt and I figure sex with B10 can't make things worse. Most likely I'll be drinking bourbon and feeling like speaking the truth. I'm feeling bold tonight. Let's see what happens.