Mad Girl has a thing for Mexicans

I guess it all started back in high school when I first watched Desperado. From that moment on I was in love with Antonio Banderas (who I realize is actually Spanish). The grit, the danger, the passion, even the mariachi outfit just did it for me. And don't even get me started about his oh so sexy accent. I still struggle with the fact that Puss in Boots kind of turns me on. I've always had this thing with dark, handsome men and now that I've dated a few Mexicans I can honestly say that I have a thing for them. For the past few months I've totally been cruising every decent looking Mexican boy that comes into my line of sight. I find big Mexican men with tattoos to be irresistible. (I blame B10 for this). Hell, I even went for B19 based on the fact that he reminded me of B10. The formula just seems to work for me.

I can't quite explain what the draw is exactly. I like that the Mexican men I've dated have close ties with their family and were raised by mothers who taught them how to treat a lady. Both B10 and B19 do this thing where they make me walk on the inside of the sidewalk because their mothers told them that only prostitutes walk on the outside. I found this practice strange at first, but now I've come to like that. I see it as a sign of respect. Even though B19 ended up being a total jerk, he did treat me well when we were together and I believe that goes back to how he was raised. Just wish his mother had taught him how to be a big boy and talk about his feelings rather than post some nasty shit on Facebook. Guess you can't win them all.

My interest in all things Mexican doesn't stop with men. I love the culture too. The food is amazing, tequila is one of my favorite spirits and the art and cultural history is rich. I took a trip to Guadalajara a few years back and fell in love with the country. I choose that city because it seemed like a real Mexican city (not some touristy beach town). It is the second largest city in Mexico and not the first place most Americans would think to visit. It's a town known for Orozco murals, home of the mariachi and one of the biggest indoor markets in Central America. Also, it's right by the town of Tequila so, clearly, I had to go. I discovered so many things that I loved in Guadalajara: the Mexican muralists, taco stalls, tequila bandera and birria (a goat stew). I wonder if I was Mexican in a past life? Or maybe I'm just destined to be with a Mexican man.

toxic friends

Cutting people out of my life does not mean I hate them, it simply means I respect me.

I saw this quote posted the other day and it really struck a cord with me. Over the past few years I have cut a few very close friends out of my life. I call them my toxic friends and the decision to part ways with them wasn't easy. In fact, it still haunts me sometimes. However, I know it was the right choice. These were my toxic friends and I had an 'a ha' moment with each of them that made me realize that I was not being respected as a friend.

I am fiercely loyal when it comes to friendship. I am fortunate enough to have two best friends in my life. One of them I've been friends with since kindergarten and the other since middle school. They are awesome women and we've shared many good memories. I have never once doubted their friendship. I use them as my guide for how friends should make you feel.

And then there are toxic friends. I seem to have a knack for picking these people up along the way. The thing that really sucks about it is that I always have a great time with these people. We've shared many adventures and big life moments. They aren't bad people, they just weren't always the best friends. I don't think friends should make you feel left out or disrespected. For some of these people there was just one thing that set me off and for others it was just years of build up. I admit, I'm not the best about confronting people and when I do it's usually a gigantic blow up of pent up feelings. However, I feel that even if I had addressed some of these issues in a different way I still would have ended up taking these toxic friends out of my life.

So let's start with Toxic Friend #1. She was someone I became friends with in middle school and stayed close with all through high school. This friend did have some mental instability, but she was a good person and fun to be around. I stayed loyal to her through college. When I graduated and eventually moved to the city things got tougher. I was always the one reaching out to her, visiting her, calling her. She never made an effort to reach out to me. It was all about her. My a-ha moment with her was when I found out she had come up to the city to get a tattoo and was literally a few blocks from my apartment. She never bothered to visit me. I had been living in the city for months and she would never make the effort to see me even after numerous invitations. This one gesture really clicked with me and from that point on I cut off contact from her. What really hurts about all of this is she did not fight for me. She never once called or e-mailed asking what had happened. She didn't care. She just let me slip away. What kind of friend does that?

Toxic Friend #2 was probably the toughest to let go of. She was also the one who probably did the most damage. I knew her in middle school and high school, but we didn't really become good friends until college and that's when she became my partner in crime. I had so much fun hanging out with her and we had so many adventures. She even studied abroad in England with me. The issue I had with her is that she always had to be the center of attention and at that point I was way to much of a wall flower to do anything about it. It was always about her, her stories, what she wanted to do and I just let it happen. I had a few nasty blow out fights with her that always left me feeling like the bad guy. She never owned up to how I was feeling. I stayed friends with her until after college. We lived in different cities so being friends with her got easier.

My a-ha moment with her was when I called her one day to let her know I had gotten promoted to a store manager position. This was a big moment in my life and I wanted to share it with her. I left her a message letting her know I had some really exciting news. She never returned my call. We went for months without speaking. I did not really feel like talking to someone who had not put any effort into our friendship and couldn't be bothered to ever call me and see what was going on in my life. A few months later she resurfaced because a mutual friend was visiting from England. We had a nice time out and we started talking again. She was having some issues with her husband and it became clear to me that she was becoming part of my life again because she needed my friendship, but where was she when I needed her? We stayed distant friends and then I found out she was going to be moving to Chicago.

I panicked because I did not want to fall back to the way things were. I had changed a lot. I was the quiet introvert who would just follow her around and let her take center stage. I knew I had to do something. I consulted my two besties and decided to let her know that I did not want to continue being her friend. This was one of the toughest things I've ever had to do and it wasn't about hating her, it was about respecting me and not allowing myself to enter into a toxic friendship.

So toxic friend number three only involved one thing, but it was enough to really hurt my feelings. This was one of my newer friends that I made when I moved to the city. We got along well and I really enjoyed her company. She even came on a cruise with me and my family. Her birthday was approaching and we had made plans to celebrate it together. We were out at dinner one night (with the next toxic friend I'm going to talk about) and she made the comment that two of her other friends wanted to hang out with her and she was thinking of doing something with them instead. Just the way she put it really stung, but it didn't hit me until later that night that she had actually just told me that she would rather hang out with these other people than commit to the plans we had. I would have been all for including the other friends (it was her birthday), but just the way that it was presented really hurt my feelings. I felt it was a low blow. I let it sit until after her birthday. We didn't see or talk to each other for a few weeks and then I sent her an e-mail letting her know that she had hurt my feelings. I was just looking for an acknowledgement of what had happened and then maybe some sort of commitment that she wouldn't do it again. Instead she sent me a message back saying she did not want to discuss this over an e-mail and the way she put it actually made me feel worse. Why was I wasting my time with someone who could so easily do something that would hurt my feelings and then not simply say she was sorry?

My final toxic friend is a doozy. He's actually my ex-gay boyfriend and we had a blow out fight during last year’s Pride parade when he drank way too much and got very evil. We got kicked out a restaurant and the he proceeded to harass me, call me names and act like a pretty evil motherfucker. I had him following me up the street yelling at me telling me what a horrible person I was. He brought me to tears and made me feel like an abused woman. That day was the last I ever saw of him.

So there you have it. These are the toxic ghosts hiding in my closet. They are by no means bad people, but they have been bad friends. Cutting them loose was more about respecting me. I realize that now and it make me feel good about the choices I made. I deserve to have friends that are going to complicate my life or make me feel bad about myself.

puma

The urban dictionary defines a puma as a woman who is not old enough to be a cougar, but likes to date/mate with younger men. I think I might give this puma thing a try. Why the hell not?

Last night I was walking home from work. It was about 11pm and I ran into a group of boys who were trying to get directions from some drunk trixie sitting outside a bar. When they were unsuccessful they turned to me. I find people often ask me for directions. I must look like I know where I'm going. Anyway, it turns out that they were one leave from the Army and had asked a cabdriver to bring them to an all ages club. They had some people in their group where were not 21 and wanted to find somewhere they could all hang out. The cabdriver had dropped them in the middle of nowheresville, they didn't even know what neighborhood they were in and there certainly weren't any all ages clubs that i knew of.

I explained where they were and they said they wanted to find somewhere to hang out. I directed them towards a few hookah bars that I know about. They were super friendly and we chatted for a bit. They kept calling me miss, which I kind of liked. They also told me that I was the most helpful person they'd met so far. I really should work for the City of Chicago tourism office.

One of the guys then asked me if I wanted to join them, but I declined. I told them that I was about ten years older then they were and they seemed really surprised (I knew that using a moisturizer was going to pay off one day). I guided them up the street and then we parted ways. As I was finishing my walk home a group of young, drunk college students walked past and one guy stopped and told me I had a nice outfit and pretty eyes. Now, he was clearly drunk, but a I'll take a compliment when I get one. He then invited me to the bar with his friends. I declined.

That's twice in one night that I got invited out by men who were way younger than I am. I have set a minimum age for dating at 28, but I'm even uncomfortable with that number. I've always fancied myself ending up with an older man (45 is my cap). My mom and dad were 12 years apart and I thought I would just follow suit. However, maybe I am ruling out a whole group of men. I was looking at the negatives (inexperience, don't have their lives together, no solid job) and the fact that I didn't want to date anyone who was in my sister's peer group (she's 7 years younger). I never stopped to consider the positives. I could have someone to mold into an awesome boyfriend, teach him all the good habits and train him to be a dynamo in the bedroom. Also, younger guys are open to new experiences and not set in their ways yet. I also suspect that their libido and stamina would be a bonus. Hmmmm....perhaps I do need to consider becoming a puma.

why do guys drop off the face of the earth?

I'm kind of craving some play time lately. I can't believe that I haven't dated a Bachelor since January. This just seems like way to long to go without a date. It's not like I haven't been trying either, but it seems that I just can't connect with the right ones. I've started talking with a few decent guys and we've even exchanged phone numbers, but at some point they seem to just drop off the face of the earth. Why do guys do that? I could understand if I got a vibe or maybe said something to offend, but it's like they just suddenly give up one day. I wish they would at least give me the chance to charm them when we meet in person.

The other trend I'm noticing is that guys want to be pen pals. They send me e-mail after e-mail, but never ask me out. I just don't get this. I'd rather exchange a few e-mails and maybe some texts and then just make plans to meet in person. Do guys just not know how to date?

I feel like I'm starting to run out of options here. My match.com subscription expires in a few months and OKC hasn't really been doing much for me. My best bet lately has been with FetLife, but most of those guys are more play partner material and I'd sort of like to find a boyfriend. I've had more than a few people suggest I just take a break, but I can't. I spent most of my 20's not looking for a guy and I feel that I need to put forth some sort of effort. Everyone says that I will find someone when I'm not looking and I sort of feel like that's a bullshit comment. Clearly prince charming hasn't found me yet. Chances are he's been swallowed into the black hold with most of my bachelors and potential bachelors.

Summer Reads

If you are any sort of a book person (or just don't live under a rock) you have probably heard people talk about Fifty Shades of Grey. Go ahead and read it, but let me warn you...the writing is terrible. I'm pretty sure that I could have written a less contrite version of this book. Also, I guess you could consider it 'mommy porn', but I really didn't find it all that scandalous. However, that could be because I've had some pretty diverse lovers who are into BDSM so maybe it just isn't that out there for me. This book is part of a trilogy, but I haven't read the other two (yet).

If you are looking for something erotic to keep your summer hot then you might want to give these other books a try: The Sleeping Beauty Series by Anne Rice, The Story of O by Anne Desclos and I've just purchased The Safety of Unknown Cities by Lucy Taylor.

Here are some other summer reading suggestions for those of you who want to keep it clean:

Sacre Blue by Christoper Moore - He is one of my favorite authors and this one takes you to and a mystery surrounding Van Gogh's death. If you haven't read Lamb yet please do. It's my favorite book by him. If you like snark and satire then you will love Christoper Moore

I just started reading Soulless by Gail Carriger. This is the first book in the Parasol Protectorate Series and I can really see myself getting into these books. It's set in Victorian London and the main character is worthy of a delicious British mystery series. The only difference is that this is a paranormal type mystery. You know I love me some vamps and werewolves and this has not disappointed thus far.

Gone Girl by Gillian Flynn. I actually haven't read anything by Flynn yet, but I keep meaning to. She writes twisted murder/suspense books and this one has been flying off the shelves at my store.

Wild by Cherly Strayed. This is Oprah's new book club pick, but don't let that turn you away. Strayed hiked the Pacific Rim trail by herself and this is her memoir of that hike. A really good adventure/finding yourself read. I think people who liked Eat, Pray Love will like this book.

And then there are these books which are follow ups to books I love (and, oddly, a lot of them are part of a trilogy)

Insurgent by Veronica Roth (follow up to Divergent). I can't wait to read about what happens to Tris Prior in a dystopian Chicago.

Shadow of Night by Deborah Harkness (follow up to A Discovery of Witches). Witches and vamps...oh my!

The Twelve by Justin Cronin (follow up to The Passage). Post apocalyptic vampire tale continues.

Serpents Kiss by Melissa de la Cruz (follow up to Witches of East End). Do you sense my theme of witches and the supernatural?