Mad Girl is ready to get inked

I've wanted a tattoo since I was about 15. I remember the first one I was going to get. It was a rainbow around my bellybutton with the word imagine written underneath. I'm glad I didn't go for that one when I was 18. In fact, I held off for two big reasons: money and the fact that I knew I would become addicted. It's no secret that I like tattooed boys. Also, most of my friends have tattoos. I was laying in bed the other night thinking that now was the time. I have a few tattoos in mind that I plan to get over the next few years. The big one is my pin up girl, but I'm going to start small with some cherries:

I know it's simple, but I've always had this thing for cherries. It's something I will be able to live with for the rest of my life and maybe expand into a bigger design (I'd love to get a sleeve). I'm just not sure where to get it. I was thinking that since cherries are sexy and the inside of my thigh is sexy that I should get it there. I also like the idea of getting it on my upper arm on just inside the elbow crook. I worry that the elbow crook might be a little too unprofessional for my line of work though. What are your thoughts?

I want to start with the cherry and go to a really good artist. If I like them they will do my pin-up girl:

I'm thinking about putting her on my thigh. I'm going to change her wardrobe up a bit though. Red bow in hair, dark brown hair, blue sweater, black skirt and stockings and red shoes. She's going to be reading a copy of On The Road. This image has always stuck with me. It's the perfect girl for my first tattoo. My friend has two awesome pin-up girls and I want them to be like hers. They are works of art and very sexy. I'm thinking about going to either Hannah or Kit at Deluxe tattoo, but will take suggestions on other good Chicago tattoo artists.

I have a few other tattoos in mind. I want to get a compass rose between my shoulder blades. This is one is for the traveler in me. I was thinking that instead of directions I can get the names of important people in my life or something like that...not quite sure yet.

The one other things that I'm going to get is a tattoo with my sister. She already has a few and I think it would be neat for each of us to get sister in Polish (which is sisostrzany) tattooed somewhere.

So there is my short term ink plan, what do you think? I'd love suggestions, ideas and tips from those of you in the know.

the origins of Mad Girl

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars...

Every superhero has an origin story and mine begins with Jack Kerouac. This quote (from On The Road) has always struck a cord with me. When I first read OTR as a teenager I yearned to be part of the mad ones. I wanted to live a life on the outskirts of society, full of adventure and booze. I wanted to hop a train out West and shack up in San Francisco with gay poets. Well, this never played out, but I did spend most of my high school an college career pining over hipster poet boys.

However, I did continue to study the Beat generation in college. I took this class on youth culture of the 1950's and for one of our projects my friend and I wrote this screenplay intertwined with selections of our poetry. I really wish I still had a copy of it. We decided to name it Mad Girl's Manifesto. I guess that idea has always stuck with me and eventually lead me to this blog. So there you have it...the Mad Girl origin story.

why I need to stay away from 4am bars

I am writing this blog from the depths of the worst hangover ever. I think my drinking binge actually started two nights ago. Wednesday was just an all around shitty day for me. On top of feeling horrible about the whole B10 situation, I also had a royally sucky day at work. I can usually manage through a bad day, but this one was just sucksville. So, I did what any normal gal would do. I came home, balled my eyes out and got drunk. My companion for that evening was a bottle of Evan Williams 10 year single barrel bourbon and some Johnny Cash CDs. I felt way better by the end of the night and have to say that bourbon is cheaper than therapy.

So yesterday I go to work and afterwards I head to a Bucktown pub crawl. We started the evening at the Map Room. I had a Bockor Cuvee des Jacobins Rouge which is a Blegian sour red ale. I've been into sour ales lately. If you are a beer geek and live in Chicago then you've been to the Map Room. They have an amazing beer selection from around the world and even offer one cask conditioned selection. After leaving the Map Room we walked up the street to the Charlston. This had to be my favorite bar of the night. It's been a bar since the 1930's and has this amazing old time bar vibe to it. The original wood bar, ice box and tin ceiling add to the worn in charm of this place. The bar was actually used as the green room when they shot High Fidelity and Untouchables. They have a decent selection of beer on tap and the bartenderesse made these awesome mint and cucumber margaritas for us. She had fresh ingredients, bitters and a muddler. I was in heaven. I also tried this amazing white Belgian ale, Blanch de bruxelles. It was almost buttery in taste and smell. So very good. When we finished there we walked around the corner to Danny's Tavern. I love that this bar is basically an old Chicago apartment made into a bar. It's got that whole college house party vibe to it. It's a great place for a date. I went with a beer from 5 Rabbit, which is a local Chicago brewery and one of the only brewery's run my Hispanics. After this we went to Lottie's Pub which is kind of a Kansas City doucebag bar and not really my thing. The pub is named after it's original owner who was a transvestite who ran a gambling ring and other nefarious affairs out of the basement of the bar.

Before we move on with the rest of the night I will add a little bit about Bucktown. It's boundaries are Fullerton to the North, North Ave to the South, Ashland to the East and Western to the West. The name Bucktown comes from the Polish immigrants who originally settled here when it was just farm land. They raised goats here and male goats are called bucks. Also, you will notice that sidewalks are raised and many older homes are sunk into the ground making the second floor the first floor. The reason for this is that, at one point, Chicago decided to have everything at sea level. Sidewalks and streets were raised leaving the house to have look like they've sunk into the ground.

Alright, ready for more? After Lotties we went to Peace brewery for some awesome pizza, some beers and apparently it was Karaoke night. Everyone there was young and douchey and I was feeling particularly superior to them all. There were all the usual suspects, the girl who kept getting up and singing soulful Karaoke songs, the guy wearing a stripped polo shirt and plaid shorts and some hipster looking types that were not actually very friendly. When we were done here I should have just gotten in a cab and gone home. I didn't. My friend and I then went to Delilah's and proceeded to drink more bourbon. We had a Rowan's Creek and then I had the house bourbon. I was originally put off by the female bartender who couldn't make a sazerac, but turns out that she was pretty awesome and knew her bourbon. I also like the atmosphere in Delilahs, it's dark, the music is good and they have an amazing selection for the bourbon geek as well as the beer geek. The owner is also building up a solid collection of tequilas. You are probably wondering how I am still standing after all of this. I wonder the same thing. We then went to Late Bar where I ordered a suntory yamazaki neat on B10's recommendation. (He's sucha stand up guy that he offered to come pick me up and bring me home....sigh). I took about two sips, it was awesome, I was going to vomit. I left my friend and got in a cab. I thought I was going to vomit in the cab, but I somehow made it safely to my bathroom.

I have now spent most of my day being unable to hold anything down. I had to get up for a conference call at 10:30 and was actually still drunk at that point. My whole day has been spent in misery. Lesson learned: no more 4am bars.

Mad Girl is kind of pathetic and not too proud of herself right now

I am so not proud of myself right now, but I am cyber stalking B10. I really, really, really, like him and I realize that I screwed things up by not making a move on him when I had the chance. He's now dating someone and just changed one of his relationship status to dating...it's killing me. I just came across his profile on OKC and may have creeped his pictures and sent him an e-mail. I'm so pathetic. I knew he was seeing someone a month ago when I tried to hook up with him, but I secretly hoped it wouldn't work out. Looks like he's still seeing her...even referred to her as 'sugar' on FetLife. I'm most frustrated with the fact that I'm being such a girl about all of this. And also, if he really was into me too then wouldn't he have done something? Or maybe he didn't think I was interested in him like that?

I have this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and sort of want to cry. I no longer think that i really like him. I know I do. This sucks because I clearly can't act on anything now, but he is really what I've been looking for and I was too stupid (and afraid) to realize it. He's fun to be around, cuddly, makes me happy and is amazing in bed. I feel really comfortable around him and he's one of the few guys that I've ever cooked for. I wish I could go back in time and make it right. I don't have anyone to blame but myself but damn if this doesn't hurt. I figured I had to put it out there right now or else I'd just keep these feelings inside. There, it's been said.

What's a girl to do? I'm going to give you guys a chance to help me out here:

a) Put on your big girl pants and get over it.

b) Wait until B10 is single again and let him know how you feel.

c) Tell him.

d) Get sauced on tequila and drunk text him.

Mad Girl refuses to pay $120 to NOT go on dates

I joined match.com 6 months ago thinking that I might be able to find some bachelors who were a bit more serious about a relationship. I expected to meet some well established guy who wanted the same things out of life that I did. I ended up going on just one date in the time I was on the site. I chatted with a few guys, but honestly didn't find anything I really liked. Most of the guys on the site were looking to pro-create so it was actually pretty frustrating. OK Cupid has been way better for me and I think I'm just going to stick with that. For those of you that are keeping count I've been on eHarmony, Zoosk and Plenty of Fish as well. I consider myself pretty well versed when it comes to online dating and I have to say that OK Cupid has my vote.

Yesterday morning I got a notice from my bank letting me know that my account was overdrawn. I thought that was strange because I knew I had over $100 in there so I jumped online and saw that Match.com had decided to automatically renew my subscription without letting me know. I was livid. Fist off, you send out a notice before you renew someone's subscription. Secondly, why the hell would I pay $120 to NOT go on dates? The first six months were a total waste of my money and I did not want to repeat that ordeal. In all my time doing online dating I've never felt bad about my situation until I was on match.com. That site constantly made me feel defeated and unworthy. What the hell is up with that?

So I called the customer service number to cancel my subscription. I had to speak to a man who wanted to know why I was canceling and then encouraged me to stick with it. I seriously wanted to reach through the phone and punch this guy in the throat. Obviously he had not seen the slew of potential 'suitors' I got e-mails from. Nor did he know that I frequently sent out messages to guys that I thought had potential only to have those messages unanswered. He didn't know about the guys who can't form a sentence or send me text messages wanting to hook up. He didn't know about the guys who ask for my number but then never ask me on a date or the ones who have kids, live in the suburbs and want to get to know me because I have pretty eyes. As far as I'm concerned Match.com can shove it up their ass. What a joke.

Maybe I am a bit bitter, maybe I haven't been laid in months and maybe I haven't gone on a good date in a while. I'm just sort of fed up and still not willing to settle. So I will keep dating and I will keep kissing the frogs because something has to give eventually.