Worst Date of My Life - Thus Far

This one is hot off the press. Tonight I went on the worst date ever. Even as I write I am cringing and considering taking a hot shower. Bachelor #5 was a total failure. I met this one on FetLife so I knew I'd be getting something a little less vanilla than the guys I have been dating. We exchanged a few e-mails and his pics seemed okay. He looked a lot like the type of guy I would have had a dated in high school. I figured I'd give it a chance and see what happened. I was trying to be open minded about all of this because in the end he was just going to be a potential playmate.

We agreed to meet at Clarke's, a diner near the Belmont Red Line. I arrived before him and took a seat. He arrived shortly after and this is when I should have pretended I was waiting for someone else or started to speak French. So, his looks were not quite what I was expecting. He weighed about 10 pounds and had greasy long hair. He kind of looked like Gollum with better skin. I really could have looked past that, but after about 30 seconds I knew that this was not a love connection. This guy was socialy inept. It was almost painful to have a conversation with him. How the fuck was this guy going to take control of me in the bedroom if he couldn't even manager to carry on a fucking conversation?

I wanted to run out before we even ordered. He was awkward and boring and I found myself talking a mile a minute to try and fill the void. I ordered a cup of soup in hopes that the waitress (who was sending me sympathetic looks) would poison it and then I'd have to be rushed to the hospital -thereby ending my horrible date. No such luck.

In all the date lasted about 45 painful minutes and then I pretended i was really tired and needed to get home. We got the check and I tried to run out of there with a see you later. He tried to walk with me up the block and said he'd call me (why did I give him my number?) . I tried to be nice and say that maybe I'd see him around, but OMG!!! I was so ready to run into traffic just to get away from him. I decided not to do that but i did make a bee line for Wilde where i threw back two bourbons on the rocks before making my way home.

This Mad Girl has learned her lesson. I will no longer try to be open minded and date outside my species. No dating hobbits, Ringwrathes or other creatures from Middle Earth. Also, first dates will now be drinks only. This way I can make an easy exit and at least get a healthy buzz out of the experience.