my dating policy

I recently read a really good blog post on HelloGiggles.com that was about first dates. It got me thinking that I probably need a dating policy. I'm back on OKC and actually already have a date for tomorrow. However, I think that it's time to apply all I've learned from dating 19 Bachelors and set some guidelines. So, here is my dating policy.

• only drinks on a first date and only a few drinks at that. no more getting drunk and smooching boys in bars


• no sex on the first date...in fact, no sex until we've dated for a month or at least 5 dates


• no invites to my apartment until after we've had 2 dates. this goes for visits to his apartment as well


• follow my gut. no compromising early on. if it doesn't feel right then I need to cut my losses and move on.

I'm not sure how well I'll be able to stick to these guidelines, but I'm really going to try to be good about this. The idea is that I find someone who wants to get to know me and genuinely wants to spend time with me. Once that's been established then we can have lots and lots of sex.

down with B19

B19 and I are no more. I guess I should have seen it coming because he totally forgot (or just ignored) my birthday this week. I wasn't expecting much, but a Happy Birthday text would have been appreciated. Was this my warning sign or was it when he wouldn't invite me to his place or spend the night at mine?

I guess I was just having so much fun with him that I choose to not read too much into any 'signs'. I figured he was just the type of guy who needed more time to get comfortable around me. It came as quite a shock when I went to check my Facebook account last night and I saw that he had posted something on his page that was clearly directed at me.

It was obvious that he read my recent blog, the mean reds, because he actually referred to it in his post. He spoke about me not believing in god and not wanting kids. It was basically a big fuck you message and was probably the most hurtful thing that has ever been directed at me.

At first I was in shock. I went to my kitchen, poured a glass of wine and started chopping veggies for dinner. Then it hit me and I started sobbing. I'm talking, uncontrollable, heaving sobs. How could someone that had once made me so happy make me so miserable? I pulled myself together enough to reach out to my friends for a little comfort. They helped and I knew that it was time to cut B19 loose (as if there would be any other option). I sent him a message on Facebook letting him know I had read his post and thought it was time to move on. I then promptly unfriended him. I still just can't (and probably won't) understand how a grown-ass man could be so cruel. I totally misjudged this one.

a case of the mean reds

Holly Golightly: You know those days when you get the mean reds?

Paul Varjak: The mean reds, you mean like the blues?

Holly Golightly: No. The blues are because you're getting fat and maybe it's been raining too long, you're just sad that's all. The mean reds are horrible. Suddenly you're afraid and you don't know what you're afraid of. Do you ever get that feeling?

I've been in a bit of a funk lately that lead to a case of the mean reds about a week ago. They eventually transitioned to the blues and I feel that now I'm out of my rut. I've got a lot of shit going on in my life right now and in bits and pieces it really wouldn't be that bad, but when it all hits around the same time and is combined with a horrible case of PMS...you get the mean reds.

First off I had scheduled some cleaners to come in and clean my apartment. I was planning this all month and had let certain areas of my apartment get pretty dirty. Well, I get up and wait for the cleaners to arrive and when they are 30 minutes late I call the company and they say they canceled my cleaning appointment! What the fuck! So, on top of wasting an afternoon waiting for these people I'm now in charge of cleaning my apartment. GRRRRR!

So to add to this I got to thinking about B19. I decided to be a big girl and approach the subject of our 'relationship'. I feel strange referring to him as 'the guy I'm dating'. We've been dating for about four months, we are both exclusive and I have not desire to see anyone else. Plus, I really, really like him. Well, that conversation did not go as well as planned. I thought we could come to an agreement to 'go steady' (yep, I'm old). Instead he sort of skirted around the issue and made it clear that I'm just 'the girl he's dating'. Awesomeness.

Well, to top everything off I call my mom and listen to her cry about her relationship with my dad and the strain that moving in with my grandmother after my grandfather's death is putting on their marriage. I've always come for a happy, stable home, but lately home is the last place I want to be. My mom is very unhappy because she is trying to please everyone and feels guilty about my grandma because she is depressed. My grandma doesn't want to be left alone and will even follow you from room to room like a puppy. My parents are free to live the life they used to live and I am starting to resent my grandma big time. I truly don't even want to be around her because she drives me batty. It's just no a good situation and it's only a matter of time until it all blows up.

As you can see, things got a little intense and emotional and hit a boiling point for me. I'm better now, but think I should probably look to get on some sort of medication so I don't break down at work one day and strangle a Lincoln Park housewife.

fall reads

Yay! Fall is here. This is by far my favorite season. I adore everything from apple cider to pumpkin pie to haunted houses. Also, my b-day is in October so that month has always been a time of celebration for me. Fall also means fall reads. A lot of famous authors put their books out just in time for the holidays. Here are some of the books I've put on my to read list.

Night Circus by Erin Morgenstern - I just started reading this tale of two magicians who are supposed to face off to the death but end of falling in love. Yes, it does seem a little like the Hunger Games plot, but I am enjoying it so far. Also, I could easily see this book being adapted into a Tim Burton movie.

Damned by Chuck Palahniuk - I'm going to give him another chance, but I've been very disappointed by his last few books. This one is about a young girl who overdoses on marijuana (can you do that?), dies and goes to hell.

The Magician King by Lev Grossman - This is actually a follow up to The Magicians. It's getting rave reviews and I know a few people recommended The Magicians to me (telling me it was Harry Potter for adults). However, I have two reliable sources who say that The Magicians blows so I'm going to start with number two and see if it's any better.

The Family Fang by Kevin Wilson - I've been eyeing this book for the past few weeks. It's about a family of performance artists and the effect it takes on their children.

Wonderstruck by Brian Selznick - I adore Hugo Cabret and expect greatness from his new book. Yes, it's a kids book. However, her combines moving narrative and fantastic images to make this a read for all ages.

1Q84 by Haruki Murakami - I haven't read any Murakami, but this one looks really interesting. It looks like this might be a spin on 1984 by Orwell so I'm willing to give it a try.

Momofuku Milk Bar by Christina Tosi - She's the pastry chef for David Chang's Momofuku and I can't wait to see what this book holds - yummy!

Girl in the Kitchen by Stephanie Izard - I am smitten with Izard and so excited that this local Top Chef has a cookbook out now.


....and what was my favorite summer read? I would have to say that Divergent by Veronica Roth was the best of my Summer of Teen Dystopian Reading.

the universe did not want me to do laundry today

Today the universe did not want me to do laundry. I had the best intentions of doing some laundry and then maybe heading to the lake front to read. I went to withdraw $20 and purchase a roll of quarters from the bank. Turns out that I had insufficient funds. Instead of just transferring the money from my savings I decided that this was a sign - the universe wanted me to go to the lake.

So I came home and packed up a tote consisting of a book (Witches of East End), a peach, some chocolate covered berries, a bottle of water, my ipod and a thermos filled with cheap girly wine. Needles to say, it was a splendid afternoon. It was really windy and a bit chilly, the waters were rough and I was able to just tune out.

I spent the time listening to podcasts and watching the waves crash against the walls of Belmont Harbor. I chugged some wine, read my book and ate my snacks. It was a wonderful way to spend my afternoon and I could have stayed there way longer, but I ran out of wine and it started to rain.

Now I'm back home in my apartment getting a refill on the wine. I think I'm going to disconnect myself from the world and curl up with my book, some brie and some sweet girly wine. This is a perfect way to welcome Fall.