Mad Girl and the goat

I have to admit that I have a culinary crush on Stephanie Izard. It all started when I was watching Top Chef Season 4. I liked that she was a local chef and the first female to win Top Chef. After she won I started following her career to see what she would do next. 2 years ago she opened up The Girl and The Goat and I've been dying to eat there ever since it opened. It's damn tough to get reservations and if you do try to book you have to do it a few months in advance.

My friend and I decided to pop by there the other day and see if we could get in. It was 4:30 on a Sunday, just as the restaurant was about to open. We walked in and asked if there were any available tables and by some miracle they were able to seat us. I was already in love with the staff and was pretty sure that the food was going to be fantastic as well. I had finally made it to The Girl and the Goat!!!!

The restaurant's decor is dark, warm and inviting. There is interesting artwork, a beautiful bar and an open kitchen. We were seated and immediately greeted by our awesome server who was super friendly and explained the menu to us. Throughout our meal she helped up make the tough decisions (pig face or goat confit? cheesecake or zucchini bread?)The concept is based around small plates so you usually order about 2 plates per person. I love this kind of food because you get to try a lot of different flavors, experiment with things you wouldn't normally order and get your fill of food.

I started with a cocktail, the best of three, which had vodka, pimms and cucumber. It was refreshing...I sipped it down at a brisk pace and then moved to the beer list which was focused on local craft brews. My first was Saison from the Haymarket brewery right up the street. This went really well with the bread we ordered to start. It was a warm, crusty loaf with corn baked into it. We had some amazing goat butter and corn relish to go with it. It really was the perfect loaf of bread. It had a soft spongy center and a nice crust on the outside. The butter was slightly sour and deep.

We ended up ordering four small plates for our meal (but honestly could have gotten away with 3). Our first plate was the escargot ravioli. The ravioli was so yummy and the tamarind-miso sauce really helped cut the richness of the escargot. After this we had the squash blossom rangoon and pan friend shishedo peppers. The rangoon was yummy, but not a show stopper. Now the peppers weren't my first choice, but damn if they weren't tasty. I've never considered peppers as a side dish like this. They were sweet, a little spicy and covered in Parmesan, sesame seeds and miso. Holy hell were they amazing. This is one of those things you must order when you go there.

At this point I ordered a black IPA and waited for the our pig face. That's right, our main meat dish was two patties of pig face (cheek and jowls) fried so they were crispy on the outside and fatty on the inside. These were served under some fried potato sticks and a fried egg. It was like breakfast for dinner and everything just worked together so well. This was everything right with the world today. Amazing work Chef Izard. I am now in love with pigs face.

By now my friend and I were ready to burst so I did the most rational thing possible and ordered the zucchini cake for dessert. I inhaled my portion and delighted in the fact that she used tomatoes (I think they were candied in some way) as a garnish. This was an amazing meal from start to finish. I'm going back for sure and have plans to bring everyone to eat here. The Girl and the Goat is a true Chicago gem and an all around success as a restaurant. If you want to see what kind of culinary talent this city has then you have to eat here.

zucchini bread, peppers, pigs face

deal breakers

I really don't have a lot of deal breakers and I feel that the ones I do have are pretty reasonable.

These are my deal breakers:

Unemployed - I do understand that it's a tough market out there and am okay with dating someone who had been recently laid off, but I do not want to date the type of man who sits on his ass and collects unemployment. At the very least you should get out there and volunteer.

Lives with his parents - No way in hell am I going to date someone who lives with his parents. Just not going to do it.

Married - I've had quite few married men approach me. I don't care if they are in an 'open' relationship - I don't want to be. I plan on getting married one day and I don't want to waste my time with someone who has already committed to another person.

Has or wants to have kids - No way Jose. I am not maternal and do not want to procreate or raise anyone else's children.

And then there are these things that I really don't like, but I would be willing to overlook if they were pretty fucking charming.

Orders steaks and burgers done anything above medium rare - This would just kill me every time we went out to eat. I'd cringe when he orders his steak well done.

Drinks Blue Moon - Actually, drinks any type of shitty beer. I once went on a date at an Irish pub and I ordered a Guinness and my date ordered a Blue Moon. When the waitress brought the drinks she set the Blue Moon in front of me and I had to make a point in saying that I did not order that. What kind of sissy orders a Blue Moon?

Doesn't drink - Worse than drinking bad beer is not drinking any liquor at all. Booze is clearly a big part of my life and I want to be able to share that with the guy I'm dating. I like to go to bars, have cocktail hour and crack open a nice bottle of wine with dinner. I'd like someone to enjoy those things with me.

Doesn't eat meat - Even though I was a vegetarian for 5 years I just don't think I could date a vegetarian. I just like red meat way too much to be spending my days eating tofu. Also, he'd have to be the love of my life and perfect in every other way if he was a vegan.

Is a sports nut - The only way I can get into sports is if I'm at the event and there is good food and drink. Otherwise, it's just not my thing. I get that most guys like sports and I am cool with that, but I don't want to date one of those guys that goes MIA when it's his sports season. I never want to pass on an event or family function because 'The Bears are playing'.

Is uber healthy and fit - Honestly, I like my guys with a little extra padding. I'm not really turned on by the guy who works out 6 days a week for fun. Really? Do people actually have fun working out? I could never be with a gym rat and I don't think that type of guy would appreciate my lifestyle.

Is a picky or unadventurous eater - I'm passionate about good food and willing to try anything. I do not like people who won't try new things or only eat grilled cheese and chicken fingers. Those people can go fuck themselves. If he was the type to travel over seas and only eat at McDonald's I'd probably knife him.

Is uber religious - I'm cool if he believes in god or some higher power, but I am not cool with someone who is really into going to church and talking about jesus. I mock jesus way too much to be with a god fearing christian. Same goes for pretty much any other religion.

Isn't sexual - I like sex. I like to have it a lot in a variety of different settings, styles and positions. If he is not willing to play along then we probably won't last. I need some one who has a kinky side, even if he hasn't really explored it yet.

Is late - I hate people that are always late. Especially those that are over a half hour late. It's okay to run late every once in a while, but I find this irritating and disrespectful.

50 shades of Mad Girl

BTW - you should know - that whole 50's pin up thing - yes - I'd love to take you shopping at a vintage store have you dress up and model for me cause GOD you're sexy

Mad Girl swoons and feels her face flush: Thanks, I'm blushing

Have i mentioned that blushing just turns me on?

Mad Girl tries to find her big girl words...nope not there: Still blushing

Kisses your lips softly - i bet your blush is beautiful - I'd caress your cheek softly, to feel the heat of it - step close to you - my hands caressing your stunning curves - your body is delicious my sweet girl - delicious

Mad Girl notices that her face is getting really hot. This simple e-mail exchange is getting very naughty: Not fair to get me all hot and bothered without any outlet :(

my hand slides into your hair, taking hold firmly. but gently, tilting your head back, my words soft in your ear - sternly - it's very fair my sweet girl - i have no outlet either - but i crave this - i crave you - i lean down and kiss your lips softly, tenderly , biting your lower lip gently

Mad Girl, whimpering: this will certainly make me whimper

i smile against your lip as you whimper - i step closer to you - my body touching yours - you can feel my heart beat through out clothes - beating hard for you - my hand releases your hair and both hands slide down your back slowly - over your back side and pulling you gently to me - our eyes locked - i look at you with hunger, desire, passion and say softly 'hello there beautiful"

Mad Girl decides she should just go with it: I probably wouldn't be able to speak at this point so I would kiss you gently at first and then harder, deeper. I would suck on your bottom lip pulling it into my mouth...biting just a little.

And this is the productive way I've been spending my evening. Now time for a cold shower.

1950's

I've always had this this interest with the 1950's. I think it might have started way back in elementary school when my parents used to take me to this local restaurant called Jim Dandy's. It was a 1950's style diner that served burgers, fries and Green River. I thought Green River was the coolest soda ever and loved that I was getting to taste a little bit of history. I thought that place was so cool with its retro decorations and 50's music playing. Even the waitresses dressed the part. Around the same time my mom made a poodle skirt for my cousin who was in some sort of musical about the 50's. I eventually got that poodle skirt and wore it whenever I could. I even wore it to a school talent show where I sang Going to the Chapel. I still cringe when I think about that....clearly not my finest moment.

I think my next big interest in the 50's was when I got into the Beats in high school. I started with Howl, moved on to On The Road and from there I was obsessed. I read every piece of fiction and non fiction I could get my hands on. This preoccupied me for the next five years or so. In college I chose two classes based on the fact that the would concentrate on the 50's. The first was an English class called Youth Culture of the 1950's. This is the class that introduced me to the David Halberstam's The Fifties which is a great book for anyone mildly interested in that decade. I also took an art class on the Visual Culture of the 1950's. We studied everything from Elvis to Abstract Expressionism. I even got to study Playboy and Bettie Page in this class which I believe was what piqued my interest in the sexier side of the history. To this day, I still find these images (from Bettie Page getting spanked to a demure housewife in her kitchen) powerfully sexy.

I think all things vintage are interesting. I love fashion and pop culture from the 20's through the 60's and have been trying to incorporate more of that passion into my daily life lately. Before I would just dabble in it every now and then for special occasions. I think that pin-up girl hair and make-up are so sexy and glamorous. I like the idea of fresh faced, curvy girls. It's way better than these waifish models we are forced to stare at every day. Nothing sexy about a girl who weights 10 pounds and has no personality. I've also decided that the Rockabilly scene is defiantly worth checking out. It's basically the culmination of everything that I'm in to from fashion to music. Plus, Rockabilly boys are super hot.

I've never been one to identify with a particular group or movement. Maybe it's because nothing really felt 100% right to me or maybe it's because I know that people are so much more than the labels we like to put on them. However, I think having a style that suits me it important. It's important to feel confident, sexy and fun and this is the way I feel when I get all dolled up. To me it's about integrating the things I'm passionate about into my life a little bit more.

With that said, I'm eagerly awaiting a shipment of pin-up and Rockabilly style clothes and accessories. I've been having fun playing with my new make up (I just love red lips!) and hair styles and have found a lot of cool resources out there. I'll post some of these in an upcoming blog so you can all add a little glamour to your lives.

Mad Girl rocks it out on 3 hours of sleep

I just took myself on the most delightful date. When I woke up this afternoon around 11am I hadn't planned on doing anything besides laying on my couch in my underwear and watching Big Ang and MobWives Chicago episodes. I went to bed at 8am today because I was doing an overnight at work. I didn't think 3 hours sleep was going to help me. However, I somehow found the motivation and went out and about.

First I had to get all dolled up. I'm still eagerly awaiting the arrival of some pin-up style clothes I recently ordered. I really wish they were here, but I made do with what I had. I selected a cute a-line rust colored skirt and a deep purple top. I threw my hair up a la Rosie the Riveter and did my make up pin-up girl style (light shadow, heavy black eyeliner and red lips). It was time to head out on the town.

My first stop was Hot Doug's. I'm ashamed to say that I have never been to this encased meat emporium. Luckily it was just a bus ride away (and not too far from Kuma's Korner, my other favortie joint). When I got there I had to wait in line a bit, but was able to find a seat at the counter. Doug was there working the register and he was a really nice guy. I opted for the bacon and sharp cheddar elk sausage with bacon-garlic mayonnaise and mahon bonvallis cheese. Sweet baby jesus was it yummy and the fries were amazing. I must go back for the duck fat fries and perhaps try the fois gras dog next. This is a great place to take out of town guests or just anyone special in your life. Nothing says I love you like encased meat.

After my fantastic lunch I did a little vintage shopping. I swung by Day and Night Vintage. What a cool shop. So many gems! I even tried on this adorable red 1950's style dress that almost fit (damn my boobs!). They had everything from clothes to vintage playboys. I ended up getting a box purse from the 1940's and a cute apron with cherries all over it. The owner was super sweet and complemented me on my look which made my day. She told me a little about the Chicago Rockabilly scene and invited me to the Big C Jamboree at Martyrs. Seems like a good place to meet some cool people (and maybe my next bachelor?)

After this I swung by Bleeding Heart Bakery's new location and bought a caramelized pineapple parfait and a mini-grasshopper pie which I plan to enjoy right now. Just needed to get laid and this would have been the perfect day. I'm so glad I motivated myself to get dolled up and enjoy an afternoon on the town.

about a Mad Girl

About a Boy Soundtrack

Whatever happened to Badly Drawn Boy? Apparently he is still making music and touring. This soundtrack appeals to the mellower side of my musical tastes. It's the slightly folksy, a little bit twee part that is drawn to this soundtrack. I remember buying a copy of the book About a Boy by Nick Hornby at a bookshop in Dublin. I had read some Hornby books before and figured this would be a good read for the next leg of my journey (a Eurostar ride to Pars). I also own the movie because I'm a sucker for a good Hugh Grant film. I blame the Anglophile in me.

Favorite songs: Exit Stage Left, Above you below me

Mad Girl tries to unsuck her life

I have to admit that I'm still a little sore about B10. I really just want this awful sinking feeling to go away. I try very hard not to think about him, but it's no use. I really hate being a girl about all of this. I can't believe that I am pining over a boy like some kind of love sick teenaged girl. Ugh!

However, the recent wounded heart and job suckiness has made me re-examine my life and start to make some changes. I think it's about time that I took matters into my own hands and started to unsuck things. Right now there are 3 things that are bringing me down.

• My job is has it's highs and lows, but the lows are far outweighing the highs lately. Plus, I'm having this whole 'what do I want to be when I grow up' crisis.
• Money. I've got credit card bills to pay so I just cant up and quit my job. I need to find something that pays close to what I'm making now. Either that or move to a shitty neighborhood, rent a studio and live off ramen...not an option.
• On top of all of that I'm getting zero lovin. I haven't had sex in months, I'm horny as hell and the only boy I can think about is B10. Frustration times 10.

So I've decided to start being strategic about all of this because that's what I do best. I really love the idea of being a bartender. I know it's not really a career that most aspire to, but I think I might like that job. So, I started checking around to see what bartenders make. I figure that if I can pull in $1000 a week in tips I can make ends meet. I'm going to check out bartending schools and maybe do that and get a job bartending a few nights a week. If it works out for me I can quit my job. Eventually I'd like to become a certified cicerone (which is a beer sommelier) and for my long term goal I'd love to own my own bar. I've decided that I also like museusms so if I can swing the bartending gig I can also find time to volunteer and get my foot in the door. Who knows, this may just be the career change I need. I'm going to just take the next logical step with each thing and hope it works.

Now, all of this could just be my exhausted brain talking. I just got off an overnight at work and haven't slept in almost 24 hours. I could very well wake up later today and decides that this isn't such a great plan. One thing I do know...my heart is still tender and that awful feeling is just not going away.

knowing me, knowing you (a-haa)

I was organizing my CD collection the other day and got this crazy idea to listen to my entire music collection in alphabetical order and blog about it. Some will have more info than others, but I'll try to include interesting stores, concerts, and anything else that sparks my fancy. So here you go.....

ABBA!

I only own the greatest hits CD, but damn if I don't like me some Swedish 70's music. Abba is a great motivator for cleaning and doing laundry. The gay man in me just loves Abba, especially the musical Mamma Mia.

Also, there was a very funny BBC series with Steve Coogan called Knowing Me Knowing You with Alan Partridge. Very funny stuff.

Favorite songs: SOS, Take a Chance on Me

Mad Girl is ready to get inked

I've wanted a tattoo since I was about 15. I remember the first one I was going to get. It was a rainbow around my bellybutton with the word imagine written underneath. I'm glad I didn't go for that one when I was 18. In fact, I held off for two big reasons: money and the fact that I knew I would become addicted. It's no secret that I like tattooed boys. Also, most of my friends have tattoos. I was laying in bed the other night thinking that now was the time. I have a few tattoos in mind that I plan to get over the next few years. The big one is my pin up girl, but I'm going to start small with some cherries:

I know it's simple, but I've always had this thing for cherries. It's something I will be able to live with for the rest of my life and maybe expand into a bigger design (I'd love to get a sleeve). I'm just not sure where to get it. I was thinking that since cherries are sexy and the inside of my thigh is sexy that I should get it there. I also like the idea of getting it on my upper arm on just inside the elbow crook. I worry that the elbow crook might be a little too unprofessional for my line of work though. What are your thoughts?

I want to start with the cherry and go to a really good artist. If I like them they will do my pin-up girl:

I'm thinking about putting her on my thigh. I'm going to change her wardrobe up a bit though. Red bow in hair, dark brown hair, blue sweater, black skirt and stockings and red shoes. She's going to be reading a copy of On The Road. This image has always stuck with me. It's the perfect girl for my first tattoo. My friend has two awesome pin-up girls and I want them to be like hers. They are works of art and very sexy. I'm thinking about going to either Hannah or Kit at Deluxe tattoo, but will take suggestions on other good Chicago tattoo artists.

I have a few other tattoos in mind. I want to get a compass rose between my shoulder blades. This is one is for the traveler in me. I was thinking that instead of directions I can get the names of important people in my life or something like that...not quite sure yet.

The one other things that I'm going to get is a tattoo with my sister. She already has a few and I think it would be neat for each of us to get sister in Polish (which is sisostrzany) tattooed somewhere.

So there is my short term ink plan, what do you think? I'd love suggestions, ideas and tips from those of you in the know.

the origins of Mad Girl

The only people for me are the mad ones, the ones who are mad to live, mad to talk, mad to be saved, desirous of everything at the same time, the ones who never yawn or say a commonplace thing, but burn, burn, burn, like fabulous yellow roman candles exploding like spiders across the stars...

Every superhero has an origin story and mine begins with Jack Kerouac. This quote (from On The Road) has always struck a cord with me. When I first read OTR as a teenager I yearned to be part of the mad ones. I wanted to live a life on the outskirts of society, full of adventure and booze. I wanted to hop a train out West and shack up in San Francisco with gay poets. Well, this never played out, but I did spend most of my high school an college career pining over hipster poet boys.

However, I did continue to study the Beat generation in college. I took this class on youth culture of the 1950's and for one of our projects my friend and I wrote this screenplay intertwined with selections of our poetry. I really wish I still had a copy of it. We decided to name it Mad Girl's Manifesto. I guess that idea has always stuck with me and eventually lead me to this blog. So there you have it...the Mad Girl origin story.

why I need to stay away from 4am bars

I am writing this blog from the depths of the worst hangover ever. I think my drinking binge actually started two nights ago. Wednesday was just an all around shitty day for me. On top of feeling horrible about the whole B10 situation, I also had a royally sucky day at work. I can usually manage through a bad day, but this one was just sucksville. So, I did what any normal gal would do. I came home, balled my eyes out and got drunk. My companion for that evening was a bottle of Evan Williams 10 year single barrel bourbon and some Johnny Cash CDs. I felt way better by the end of the night and have to say that bourbon is cheaper than therapy.

So yesterday I go to work and afterwards I head to a Bucktown pub crawl. We started the evening at the Map Room. I had a Bockor Cuvee des Jacobins Rouge which is a Blegian sour red ale. I've been into sour ales lately. If you are a beer geek and live in Chicago then you've been to the Map Room. They have an amazing beer selection from around the world and even offer one cask conditioned selection. After leaving the Map Room we walked up the street to the Charlston. This had to be my favorite bar of the night. It's been a bar since the 1930's and has this amazing old time bar vibe to it. The original wood bar, ice box and tin ceiling add to the worn in charm of this place. The bar was actually used as the green room when they shot High Fidelity and Untouchables. They have a decent selection of beer on tap and the bartenderesse made these awesome mint and cucumber margaritas for us. She had fresh ingredients, bitters and a muddler. I was in heaven. I also tried this amazing white Belgian ale, Blanch de bruxelles. It was almost buttery in taste and smell. So very good. When we finished there we walked around the corner to Danny's Tavern. I love that this bar is basically an old Chicago apartment made into a bar. It's got that whole college house party vibe to it. It's a great place for a date. I went with a beer from 5 Rabbit, which is a local Chicago brewery and one of the only brewery's run my Hispanics. After this we went to Lottie's Pub which is kind of a Kansas City doucebag bar and not really my thing. The pub is named after it's original owner who was a transvestite who ran a gambling ring and other nefarious affairs out of the basement of the bar.

Before we move on with the rest of the night I will add a little bit about Bucktown. It's boundaries are Fullerton to the North, North Ave to the South, Ashland to the East and Western to the West. The name Bucktown comes from the Polish immigrants who originally settled here when it was just farm land. They raised goats here and male goats are called bucks. Also, you will notice that sidewalks are raised and many older homes are sunk into the ground making the second floor the first floor. The reason for this is that, at one point, Chicago decided to have everything at sea level. Sidewalks and streets were raised leaving the house to have look like they've sunk into the ground.

Alright, ready for more? After Lotties we went to Peace brewery for some awesome pizza, some beers and apparently it was Karaoke night. Everyone there was young and douchey and I was feeling particularly superior to them all. There were all the usual suspects, the girl who kept getting up and singing soulful Karaoke songs, the guy wearing a stripped polo shirt and plaid shorts and some hipster looking types that were not actually very friendly. When we were done here I should have just gotten in a cab and gone home. I didn't. My friend and I then went to Delilah's and proceeded to drink more bourbon. We had a Rowan's Creek and then I had the house bourbon. I was originally put off by the female bartender who couldn't make a sazerac, but turns out that she was pretty awesome and knew her bourbon. I also like the atmosphere in Delilahs, it's dark, the music is good and they have an amazing selection for the bourbon geek as well as the beer geek. The owner is also building up a solid collection of tequilas. You are probably wondering how I am still standing after all of this. I wonder the same thing. We then went to Late Bar where I ordered a suntory yamazaki neat on B10's recommendation. (He's sucha stand up guy that he offered to come pick me up and bring me home....sigh). I took about two sips, it was awesome, I was going to vomit. I left my friend and got in a cab. I thought I was going to vomit in the cab, but I somehow made it safely to my bathroom.

I have now spent most of my day being unable to hold anything down. I had to get up for a conference call at 10:30 and was actually still drunk at that point. My whole day has been spent in misery. Lesson learned: no more 4am bars.

Mad Girl is kind of pathetic and not too proud of herself right now

I am so not proud of myself right now, but I am cyber stalking B10. I really, really, really, like him and I realize that I screwed things up by not making a move on him when I had the chance. He's now dating someone and just changed one of his relationship status to dating...it's killing me. I just came across his profile on OKC and may have creeped his pictures and sent him an e-mail. I'm so pathetic. I knew he was seeing someone a month ago when I tried to hook up with him, but I secretly hoped it wouldn't work out. Looks like he's still seeing her...even referred to her as 'sugar' on FetLife. I'm most frustrated with the fact that I'm being such a girl about all of this. And also, if he really was into me too then wouldn't he have done something? Or maybe he didn't think I was interested in him like that?

I have this terrible feeling in the pit of my stomach and sort of want to cry. I no longer think that i really like him. I know I do. This sucks because I clearly can't act on anything now, but he is really what I've been looking for and I was too stupid (and afraid) to realize it. He's fun to be around, cuddly, makes me happy and is amazing in bed. I feel really comfortable around him and he's one of the few guys that I've ever cooked for. I wish I could go back in time and make it right. I don't have anyone to blame but myself but damn if this doesn't hurt. I figured I had to put it out there right now or else I'd just keep these feelings inside. There, it's been said.

What's a girl to do? I'm going to give you guys a chance to help me out here:

a) Put on your big girl pants and get over it.

b) Wait until B10 is single again and let him know how you feel.

c) Tell him.

d) Get sauced on tequila and drunk text him.

Mad Girl refuses to pay $120 to NOT go on dates

I joined match.com 6 months ago thinking that I might be able to find some bachelors who were a bit more serious about a relationship. I expected to meet some well established guy who wanted the same things out of life that I did. I ended up going on just one date in the time I was on the site. I chatted with a few guys, but honestly didn't find anything I really liked. Most of the guys on the site were looking to pro-create so it was actually pretty frustrating. OK Cupid has been way better for me and I think I'm just going to stick with that. For those of you that are keeping count I've been on eHarmony, Zoosk and Plenty of Fish as well. I consider myself pretty well versed when it comes to online dating and I have to say that OK Cupid has my vote.

Yesterday morning I got a notice from my bank letting me know that my account was overdrawn. I thought that was strange because I knew I had over $100 in there so I jumped online and saw that Match.com had decided to automatically renew my subscription without letting me know. I was livid. Fist off, you send out a notice before you renew someone's subscription. Secondly, why the hell would I pay $120 to NOT go on dates? The first six months were a total waste of my money and I did not want to repeat that ordeal. In all my time doing online dating I've never felt bad about my situation until I was on match.com. That site constantly made me feel defeated and unworthy. What the hell is up with that?

So I called the customer service number to cancel my subscription. I had to speak to a man who wanted to know why I was canceling and then encouraged me to stick with it. I seriously wanted to reach through the phone and punch this guy in the throat. Obviously he had not seen the slew of potential 'suitors' I got e-mails from. Nor did he know that I frequently sent out messages to guys that I thought had potential only to have those messages unanswered. He didn't know about the guys who can't form a sentence or send me text messages wanting to hook up. He didn't know about the guys who ask for my number but then never ask me on a date or the ones who have kids, live in the suburbs and want to get to know me because I have pretty eyes. As far as I'm concerned Match.com can shove it up their ass. What a joke.

Maybe I am a bit bitter, maybe I haven't been laid in months and maybe I haven't gone on a good date in a while. I'm just sort of fed up and still not willing to settle. So I will keep dating and I will keep kissing the frogs because something has to give eventually.

Mad Girl has a thing for Mexicans

I guess it all started back in high school when I first watched Desperado. From that moment on I was in love with Antonio Banderas (who I realize is actually Spanish). The grit, the danger, the passion, even the mariachi outfit just did it for me. And don't even get me started about his oh so sexy accent. I still struggle with the fact that Puss in Boots kind of turns me on. I've always had this thing with dark, handsome men and now that I've dated a few Mexicans I can honestly say that I have a thing for them. For the past few months I've totally been cruising every decent looking Mexican boy that comes into my line of sight. I find big Mexican men with tattoos to be irresistible. (I blame B10 for this). Hell, I even went for B19 based on the fact that he reminded me of B10. The formula just seems to work for me.

I can't quite explain what the draw is exactly. I like that the Mexican men I've dated have close ties with their family and were raised by mothers who taught them how to treat a lady. Both B10 and B19 do this thing where they make me walk on the inside of the sidewalk because their mothers told them that only prostitutes walk on the outside. I found this practice strange at first, but now I've come to like that. I see it as a sign of respect. Even though B19 ended up being a total jerk, he did treat me well when we were together and I believe that goes back to how he was raised. Just wish his mother had taught him how to be a big boy and talk about his feelings rather than post some nasty shit on Facebook. Guess you can't win them all.

My interest in all things Mexican doesn't stop with men. I love the culture too. The food is amazing, tequila is one of my favorite spirits and the art and cultural history is rich. I took a trip to Guadalajara a few years back and fell in love with the country. I choose that city because it seemed like a real Mexican city (not some touristy beach town). It is the second largest city in Mexico and not the first place most Americans would think to visit. It's a town known for Orozco murals, home of the mariachi and one of the biggest indoor markets in Central America. Also, it's right by the town of Tequila so, clearly, I had to go. I discovered so many things that I loved in Guadalajara: the Mexican muralists, taco stalls, tequila bandera and birria (a goat stew). I wonder if I was Mexican in a past life? Or maybe I'm just destined to be with a Mexican man.

toxic friends

Cutting people out of my life does not mean I hate them, it simply means I respect me.

I saw this quote posted the other day and it really struck a cord with me. Over the past few years I have cut a few very close friends out of my life. I call them my toxic friends and the decision to part ways with them wasn't easy. In fact, it still haunts me sometimes. However, I know it was the right choice. These were my toxic friends and I had an 'a ha' moment with each of them that made me realize that I was not being respected as a friend.

I am fiercely loyal when it comes to friendship. I am fortunate enough to have two best friends in my life. One of them I've been friends with since kindergarten and the other since middle school. They are awesome women and we've shared many good memories. I have never once doubted their friendship. I use them as my guide for how friends should make you feel.

And then there are toxic friends. I seem to have a knack for picking these people up along the way. The thing that really sucks about it is that I always have a great time with these people. We've shared many adventures and big life moments. They aren't bad people, they just weren't always the best friends. I don't think friends should make you feel left out or disrespected. For some of these people there was just one thing that set me off and for others it was just years of build up. I admit, I'm not the best about confronting people and when I do it's usually a gigantic blow up of pent up feelings. However, I feel that even if I had addressed some of these issues in a different way I still would have ended up taking these toxic friends out of my life.

So let's start with Toxic Friend #1. She was someone I became friends with in middle school and stayed close with all through high school. This friend did have some mental instability, but she was a good person and fun to be around. I stayed loyal to her through college. When I graduated and eventually moved to the city things got tougher. I was always the one reaching out to her, visiting her, calling her. She never made an effort to reach out to me. It was all about her. My a-ha moment with her was when I found out she had come up to the city to get a tattoo and was literally a few blocks from my apartment. She never bothered to visit me. I had been living in the city for months and she would never make the effort to see me even after numerous invitations. This one gesture really clicked with me and from that point on I cut off contact from her. What really hurts about all of this is she did not fight for me. She never once called or e-mailed asking what had happened. She didn't care. She just let me slip away. What kind of friend does that?

Toxic Friend #2 was probably the toughest to let go of. She was also the one who probably did the most damage. I knew her in middle school and high school, but we didn't really become good friends until college and that's when she became my partner in crime. I had so much fun hanging out with her and we had so many adventures. She even studied abroad in England with me. The issue I had with her is that she always had to be the center of attention and at that point I was way to much of a wall flower to do anything about it. It was always about her, her stories, what she wanted to do and I just let it happen. I had a few nasty blow out fights with her that always left me feeling like the bad guy. She never owned up to how I was feeling. I stayed friends with her until after college. We lived in different cities so being friends with her got easier.

My a-ha moment with her was when I called her one day to let her know I had gotten promoted to a store manager position. This was a big moment in my life and I wanted to share it with her. I left her a message letting her know I had some really exciting news. She never returned my call. We went for months without speaking. I did not really feel like talking to someone who had not put any effort into our friendship and couldn't be bothered to ever call me and see what was going on in my life. A few months later she resurfaced because a mutual friend was visiting from England. We had a nice time out and we started talking again. She was having some issues with her husband and it became clear to me that she was becoming part of my life again because she needed my friendship, but where was she when I needed her? We stayed distant friends and then I found out she was going to be moving to Chicago.

I panicked because I did not want to fall back to the way things were. I had changed a lot. I was the quiet introvert who would just follow her around and let her take center stage. I knew I had to do something. I consulted my two besties and decided to let her know that I did not want to continue being her friend. This was one of the toughest things I've ever had to do and it wasn't about hating her, it was about respecting me and not allowing myself to enter into a toxic friendship.

So toxic friend number three only involved one thing, but it was enough to really hurt my feelings. This was one of my newer friends that I made when I moved to the city. We got along well and I really enjoyed her company. She even came on a cruise with me and my family. Her birthday was approaching and we had made plans to celebrate it together. We were out at dinner one night (with the next toxic friend I'm going to talk about) and she made the comment that two of her other friends wanted to hang out with her and she was thinking of doing something with them instead. Just the way she put it really stung, but it didn't hit me until later that night that she had actually just told me that she would rather hang out with these other people than commit to the plans we had. I would have been all for including the other friends (it was her birthday), but just the way that it was presented really hurt my feelings. I felt it was a low blow. I let it sit until after her birthday. We didn't see or talk to each other for a few weeks and then I sent her an e-mail letting her know that she had hurt my feelings. I was just looking for an acknowledgement of what had happened and then maybe some sort of commitment that she wouldn't do it again. Instead she sent me a message back saying she did not want to discuss this over an e-mail and the way she put it actually made me feel worse. Why was I wasting my time with someone who could so easily do something that would hurt my feelings and then not simply say she was sorry?

My final toxic friend is a doozy. He's actually my ex-gay boyfriend and we had a blow out fight during last year’s Pride parade when he drank way too much and got very evil. We got kicked out a restaurant and the he proceeded to harass me, call me names and act like a pretty evil motherfucker. I had him following me up the street yelling at me telling me what a horrible person I was. He brought me to tears and made me feel like an abused woman. That day was the last I ever saw of him.

So there you have it. These are the toxic ghosts hiding in my closet. They are by no means bad people, but they have been bad friends. Cutting them loose was more about respecting me. I realize that now and it make me feel good about the choices I made. I deserve to have friends that are going to complicate my life or make me feel bad about myself.

puma

The urban dictionary defines a puma as a woman who is not old enough to be a cougar, but likes to date/mate with younger men. I think I might give this puma thing a try. Why the hell not?

Last night I was walking home from work. It was about 11pm and I ran into a group of boys who were trying to get directions from some drunk trixie sitting outside a bar. When they were unsuccessful they turned to me. I find people often ask me for directions. I must look like I know where I'm going. Anyway, it turns out that they were one leave from the Army and had asked a cabdriver to bring them to an all ages club. They had some people in their group where were not 21 and wanted to find somewhere they could all hang out. The cabdriver had dropped them in the middle of nowheresville, they didn't even know what neighborhood they were in and there certainly weren't any all ages clubs that i knew of.

I explained where they were and they said they wanted to find somewhere to hang out. I directed them towards a few hookah bars that I know about. They were super friendly and we chatted for a bit. They kept calling me miss, which I kind of liked. They also told me that I was the most helpful person they'd met so far. I really should work for the City of Chicago tourism office.

One of the guys then asked me if I wanted to join them, but I declined. I told them that I was about ten years older then they were and they seemed really surprised (I knew that using a moisturizer was going to pay off one day). I guided them up the street and then we parted ways. As I was finishing my walk home a group of young, drunk college students walked past and one guy stopped and told me I had a nice outfit and pretty eyes. Now, he was clearly drunk, but a I'll take a compliment when I get one. He then invited me to the bar with his friends. I declined.

That's twice in one night that I got invited out by men who were way younger than I am. I have set a minimum age for dating at 28, but I'm even uncomfortable with that number. I've always fancied myself ending up with an older man (45 is my cap). My mom and dad were 12 years apart and I thought I would just follow suit. However, maybe I am ruling out a whole group of men. I was looking at the negatives (inexperience, don't have their lives together, no solid job) and the fact that I didn't want to date anyone who was in my sister's peer group (she's 7 years younger). I never stopped to consider the positives. I could have someone to mold into an awesome boyfriend, teach him all the good habits and train him to be a dynamo in the bedroom. Also, younger guys are open to new experiences and not set in their ways yet. I also suspect that their libido and stamina would be a bonus. Hmmmm....perhaps I do need to consider becoming a puma.