are you kidding me?

I should be sleeping in on my day off right now.  Instead, I got up to use the rest room, checked my OKC account, got a message from B31 and now I have to write this blog.  So I REALLY like B31.  I've been thinking about him non stop since our last date.  I have not heard from him for almost 2 weeks so I just assumed that he dropped of the face of the earth like the rest of my bachelors do.  Then I get this message:

Hey, sorry for falling of the faces of the earth!  After freezing my ass off up north I  got home to all kinds of weird shit...my ex might be able to move to Chicago with her job.  I had a lot of fun when we went out and you know I want to do scary movie night.  I feel weird thinking about how fun it would be to hang out with you, but still thinking about my Ex way more than a sane man should.  W were together a few years before I moved here last month.  This is strange now, you're actually very cool, so instead of trying to sleep with you and then get weird about this shit...I decided that I should just put it out there then I don't feel like a dick.

Haha, since I'm only human I feel that I have to put this out there also, if your normal booty calls were all busy one night before December 1, you could send me a message on here anytime and I would want to get with you...but you already know that didn't you?

Are you kidding me?  I just can't win.  I've never had a guy be this straightforward and honest with me and I appreciate that. In fact, it makes me attracted to him even more. There is a huge part of me that is totally bummed about the girlfriend moving to the city.  If this bitch had really cared to begin with she would have made plans to move when he did.  However, I really want to get with him regardless.  I know that's a whole mess of complication (do I think I am going to steal him away from his girlfriend?) but if I don't hook up with him I think that will make me even more crazy.  I was planing on sleeping with him on scary movie night anyway.  So maybe I get a month of awesome hook ups and then just move on.  Knowing me I'll become attached, but at least this time I'll know why I'm getting dumped.  Weigh in with your thoughts.

B31. he's interested. i'm interested.

I won't lie, things have been tough in the dating world lately.  My last date with a new bachelor was in May and that didn't go so well.  Since then old bachelors have popped up here and there, but nothing has stuck. I'm still smitten with B10 and we hook up every few weeks, but he has a girlfriend and they are talking about moving to the suburbs.  B29 texted me on my birthday and now texts me every few days but hasn't taken me out yet and B17 is also messaging me, but has yet to ask me out.  It's all very frustrating.  Then I met B31 and things changed.  

I was pretty sure I've cycled through every decent guy in Chicago, but it turns out B31 just moved here a month ago.  We only exchanged a few quick messages and then he asked me out.  I love it when a guy asks me out instead of exchanging numerous messages with me.  We met at a local bar and I got him to dink a shot of malort which was pretty rad.  He's probably the most regular type of boy I've ever dated.  He's a bro but not a douchebag.  Oh, and he looks like Ryan Reynolds -super cute!  I'm not going to go into too much detail about our dates but we've had two good ones.  We finally kissed after our second date and then I got this message in my inbox shortly after I left him.

'Someday you'll invite me home with you right?  haha.  Like with my customers, I don't want to seem desperate and freak you out, but I hope you know I'm interested....lets eat Gyro's and do other stuff?'

This might not make much sense to an outsider, but it means he likes me and I like him too.  Can't wait to get him into bed and take advantage of him. 

fall book picks

There are so many good books coming out this fall that I’m overwhelmed.  I wish I could take October off just so I could catch up on my to read list.  Here’s what I plan to read.

I just started Lowland by Jhumpa Lahiri and this is turning out to be one of my top pick for the fall.  It’s the story of two brothers and is set in 1960’s India.  This is a topic I really care nothing about, but I’m only in a few chapters and I’m hooked.  The writing is so powerful that I just can’t put it down.  If you haven’t read Interpreter of Maladies then I suggest you pick up a copy of that as well.

I’m not a huge Stephen King fan (although I do seem to like the few things I’ve read by him) but I’m going to give Doctor Sleep a try.  It’s a follow up to The Shining and this is one of the most anticipated books of the season. 

All of my bookseller peers rave about The Secret History by Donna Tartt.  It’s been on my to read list for a while and now she has a new book out called The Goldfinch.  I’m not sure which one I’ll start with, but from what I hear about her writing I should expect a powerful narrative.  Fingers crossed that I fall in love with her.

Tampa by Alissa Nutting has had a lot of controversy surrounding it.  First off the cover is hideous black velvet.  I hate gimmicky covers like this.  I wouldn’t have thought twice about this book until they reviewed it on Literary Disco (a book podcast I listen to).  The plot involves a young teacher who seduces her male students.  From what I understand the writing is pretty explicit and it seems more 50 Shades than Lolita.  I get the topic is taboo and I’m okay with that, but I have a feeling the book was written more to shock then to prove a point.  I’ll give it a try though and report back.

Cuckoo’s Calling is the surprise J.K. Rowling book that she wrote under the pseudonym Robert Gailbraith.  It’s Hollywood noir and is certainly not what I’d expect from here.  Reports say the writing is solid so it’s on my list.

The Bones of Paris by Laurie R. King looks right up my alley.  I’m a sucker for mysteries lately and I’ve had many people recommend King to me.  This one is set in Paris during the Jazz Age.

Bridget Jones: Mad About the Boy.  I’m a huge Bridget Jones fan and can’t wait for the third book in the series to come out.  I don’t even care if it’s good – I just need my Bridge fix.

Meaty by Samantha  Irby.  This just satisfies my need to read funny memoires by funny girls with blogs.

The Silent Wife by A.S.A. Harrison.  Basically for the ‘if you like Gone Girl’ crowd.  I’ve heard it’s good and it’s been on bestsellers.  Also, it’s set in Chicago so I’m biased.

And the book I’m most excited about?  Allegiant, the third book in the Divergent trilogy by Verionica Roth.  Teen. Dystopian.  Chicago.  That’s right.

These authors also have books out or coming out this fall: Elizabeth Gilbert, Amy Tan, Malcolm Gladwell, and Bill Bryson.

I know what you read last summer

I'm not a beach reads type of girl.  Mostly because I hate the sun and sand.  I'm also very rarely in the mood for some light fluffy chick lit book (unless there are vampires or zombies involved).  I pick books based on my mood, my destination, the weather and where my life is at that particular point in time.  Books are part of my memories.  They are what I've built my life on and I know they will always be there.  So here are some of my book recommendations for your summer adventures.

Feeling Quirky

I am in the midst of devouring Mr. Penumbra's 24-Hour Bookstore by Robin Sloan.  I haven't torn through the pages (okay, it's on my NOOK so that would be digital pages) of a book like this in a while.  It's like reading the Eyre Affair.  There are so many touchstones of modern living in this book.  Google plays a huge role in it and e-readers are a point of discussion as well.  There is also a book related mystery to solve.  I just love this book and can't put it down.  Get your copy right now.  You can thank me later.  Vampires in the Lemon Grove by Karen Russell is another good option if you won't have time to sit down and read a whole novel.  This is her second collection of short stories.  She was a Pulitzer Finalist last year for her book Swamplandia (which I also recommend).  This collection of stories is bizarre and imaginative.  It's unlike anything I've read and it will certainly make you wonder how she comes up with her story ideas.  Let's Explore Diabetes with Owls by David Sedaris is another good recommendation.  I'm normally not the type to recommend something on audio, but David Sedaris is just such a joy to listen to.  I've read all his books and I've seen him speak before.  He writes humorous essays about his life and is a great suggestion for all types of readers/listeners.  That's why I think this would make a great companion to any road trip.

Want to be thrilled?

Dan Brown (of Da Vinci Code fame) has a new book out.  Inferno takes place in Florence and centers around the theme of Dante's Inferno.  Yes, he's a summer blockbuster kind of writer, but I'm still looking forward to reading it.  I did enjoy the fast pace and historical aspects of Da Vinci Code and Angels and Demons and I think this one is going to live up to the same expectations.  However, if you are a bit of a literary snob then might I suggest you pick up something from Umberto Eco?  I just placed Foucault's Pendulum on my wishlist and think this will appeal to those of you who are looking for more after reading Inferno.  The writing is a higher quality and most of his novels are set in Italy.  If you don't mind a bestseller then maybe you should try Daniel Silva.  He's on my list too and I'm going to start with The Kill Artist.  The main character is an ex-Israeli assassin turned art restorer.  This looks like a series I can get hooked on.

I also have books by Joe Hill on my short list.  His stuff is on the scarier side but he's been recommended by a few friends.  I guess I will just have to read him with all the lights on in my apartment.

And for the literary minded

I just started reading Life After Life by Kate Atkinson.  It's a story about a girl who keeps dying.  She will die and then the story will start again and move on as if she did not die.  It's beautifully written, but I think it's going to be one of those books that will take me a while to digest.  If you are a sucker for a literary adventure (think Possession by Byatt or Shadow of The Wind by Zafon) then you should pick up The Bookman's Tale by Charlie Lovett.  It's the story of a man who loses his wife, moves to a small town in England to set up an antique bookstore and finds himself wrapped up a literary mystery.  

Because I like humorous memoirs by women

Lets Pretend This Never Happened by Jenny Lawson has everything from taxidermied hamsters to the main character getting her hand stuck in a cows vagina.  It's funny and strange and now I'm dying to meeting Mrs. Lawson in person.  I also got How to Be a Woman by Caitlin Moran which I suspect is the British version of Bossypants.  My guilty please pick is Drinking and Tweeting by Brandi Glanville.  She's one of the Real House Wives of Beverly Hills and I can't wait to see what this mouthy broad is going to say.  But I think the one book that will make my summer is the new memoir by Jen Lancaster, The Tao of Martha.  I'm a staunch Lancaster supporter, but her last two works of fictions haven't lived up to my expectations.  I think this one is going to be awesome.  Plus, I've met her in person a few times and I just really like her.  Totally BFF material.

and for the non fiction readers

Eighty Days by Matthew Goodman is the story Nely By and Elizabeth Bisland's race around the world.  Bly was a reporter and certainly the type of lady I'd want to be friends with.  In 1889 she raced around the world in an effort to outpace Jules Verne's fictional 80 day voyage.  If you like Erik Larson or Laura Hillenbrand then this would be a great pick for you.  I also think that Lean In by Sheryl Sandberg will be a good summer read.  She's the COO of Facebook and writes about gender roles in the work force.  It's not overly feminist and I think many women will enjoy hearing what she has to say.  And for the quirky read I suggest The Drunken Botanist by Amy Stewart.  She details the botany behind some of our favorite spirits.  It's a pretty interesting read for cocktail and biology geeks.

don't bother

May 29th 5:40 pm
Mad Girl: Are we still on for tomorrow?

May 30 9:27 am
MG: Morning Sunshine

May 30 6:59 pm
B23: Still working ugh these apartments will kill me.  I'll make it up to you.

May 30 8:11pm
MG:  Don't bother

What is wrong with these guys I choose to date?  When you make plans with a girl you keep them or you don't fucking keep her waiting all day and ditch her at the last minute.  I was willing to give B23 second chance because I liked him and the sex was pretty awesome, but no man is worth this.  I'm throwing in the towel and not going to go out of my way to date guys anymore.  I'm going to reinvest the time I put into into dating into looking for a new job.  The bachelors of Chicago are just going to have to wait while I tend to my future happiness.

B30

I'm going to start at the end of this tale.  This past Tuesday I found myself walking home in a horrible downpour without an umbrella.  I was drunk and spent most of the walk home ranting to my friends about my horrible date.  By the time I got home my adorable green dress was clinging to my body and I was ready to swear off men forever.  I just couldn't take any more bad dates and boy was this one bad.  The strange thing was that it was really only the last 20 minutes that got awkward.

I joined a new dating site a few weeks ago (How About We) because I am pretty sure that I've dated every decent guy on OKC and I liked the idea of suggesting a date right off the bat.  It's good to know who wants to go for a jog or catch a Sox game on a first date and reject them right away.  I've been messaged by a few guys, but hadn't responded to any of them until I met B30.  He seemed like a cool guy who was into good beer and food.  We exchanged a few messages and then just decided to meet up.  He suggested a gin pairing dinner at Barrelhouse Flat.  This seemed interesting but I don't like to do dinner on a first date.  It's nice to have an out if things go south.  I knew I'd be taking a chance, but this seemed like fun so I said yes.

We ended up meeting at Atlas Brewing for a beer first.  He had a saison ready for me and I liked that.  I wasn't really attracted to him right off the bat, but he seemed like an nice guy.  We chatted for a bit and then we got our tab.  I put in $10 for my beer and was slightly annoyed that he didn't offer to pay for the first round.  Whatever, I realize that most guys don't make this gesture and i'm fine with going dutch on dates.

We headed across the street to Barrellhouse Flats for the Leatherbee Gin dinner.  It was four courses paired with gin cocktails.  The food wasn't anything mind blowing (although there was pork belly!) but the cocktails were yummy and I was getting drunker with each course.  I had to start pacing myself at the end and realized that maybe a dinner like that was not such a good idea because I was getting pretty drunk and not feeling so hot.

B30 and I chatted away and I could tell that he was really impressed with my food knowledge.  Once again, I found myself in the position of being with a guy who was probably going to be more into me then I was into him.  However, I thought back to B29 and how I wasn't really into him in the beginning either.  I'm willing to give guys a chance to grow on me.

Dessert came and then the check.  This is when it started to get weird.  The bill was $120 not including tip.  I put in $80 to start and he put in $55.  I made the comment that we needed a little more to cover tip and he put in about $5 more.  Weird.  The waiter came to get the tab and I really was too drunk to argue with my date so I had to put it on my debit because I didn't have enough to cover the rest of the tab plus tip.  I pocketed the money and took care of the tab.  B30 then made an off hand comment that basically made me feel like he thought I was taking advantage of him.  It was really weird and my drunk brain couldn't process it.  I told him I had to use the restroom because I had to get out of that tense situation.  I kind of wanted to make an exit through the back door because things had just gotten really awkward.

I came back to the table and sternly insisted it was time to go.  We said brief good-byes and then I took off up the street.  After drying off that night I went back to my wallet to count the money I had.  It was $110 dollars ($80 of that was mine).  Was he too drunk to realize that he hadn't given me enough money to even cover the bill let alone the tip?  Was he just cheap?  I'm totally confused and so very disappointed in this date.  How did I end up footing most of the bill and soaking wet?  I really need to stick to my golden rules of dating and maybe it's time to find a guy who is willing to foot the bill.

Hey!  Remember that time I dropped off the face of the earth for about 6 months?  Let me give you a brief update on my world.

• Up until about a week ago I've been exclusively dating B29.  I got past the whole kids thing and grew to really like him.  However, dating a cop is not easy.  He's been working 6 day work weeks which leaves little time for me.  We were seeing each other once every 10 days or so and sometimes only for a quick lunch date.  Not good at all and this made me realize that I do need a little bit of attention (and a lot more sex) in a relationship.
• My sister got married on NYE and it was the party of the decade.  Great time and everything went off perfectly.  I love planning weddings and other big events.  However the stress of the wedding (fun stress) and work (not fun) nearly killed me.
• Speaking of work...I was at my tipping point and had more than a few work related nervous breakdowns.  It's been tough, but I have a new store and have actually been considering getting out of retail.  I'm looking now so maybe there will be some change soon.  For now I'm less overwhelmed and don't want to hide under my desk and cry (on most days).

So this is where I'm at and I'm not quite sure where I'm heading.  My dream life would be a new job (office manager, beverage director, professional beer drinker) that pays me a bit more than I'm making now, a new boy that treats me well and a new apartment in a new neighborhood.  I'm working on all of these as we speak so I promise to keep you updated.  

Thanks for sticking with me,

Mad Girl

xxxxx

bachelor demographics

I've decided to update my demographic list.  I'm can be a bit of an analytical gal and I'm always interested in looking at trends and numbers.  So this is my most recent update of 'research'.  I think I just need to date an Indian and I'll have dated every Village People character.  Also, is it sad that I don't actually remember the names of most of these Bachelors?

number/race/ age/ neighborhood/ job/* if I've slept with him

Bachelor#1/white/38/Lincoln Square/Lawyer/*

Bachelor #2/white/34/Logan Square/Sound Tech

B3/???/31/Lakeview/IT/*

B4/Palestinian and Black/28/suburbs/student and soccer coach/*

B5/creature of middle earth/34/Loop/works in a dungeon

B6/Mexican/36/Lakeview/writer/*

B7/white/31/near O'Hare airport/construction worker

B8/white/33/Uptown/teacher/*

B9/white/32/Lincoln Park/psychologist

B10/Mexican/31/Bridgeport/IT/*

B11/Colombian/33/Andersonville/IT

B12/white/38/Lakeview/design/*

B13/white/34/Rogers Park/teacher

B14/Indian/31/Uptown/IT/*

B15/white/40/Lakeview/musician

B16/Indian/33/River North/marketing

B17/white/40/Andersonville/web design/*

B18/white/31/Wicker Park/IT

B19/Mexican/33/somewhere on the south side/graphic design/*

B20/AA/32/Roscoe Village/Apple employee

B21/white/31/Lincoln Square/banking/*

B22/Egyptian/Greek/36/Northbrook/med school

B23/white/26/Lakeview/rehabs apartments/*

B24/Greek/38/North Center/Medical Engineer

B25/white/38/Private Investigator

B26/white/34/Food writer and IT guy

B27/Chinese-American/46/corporate travel

B28/white/40/restaurant owner

B29/Puerto-Rican and Arabic/43/police officer*

B30/Black/32/self employed

B31/White/28/IT

B32/White/27/manny*

Fun fact: I've slept with 14 our of 32 Bachelors.  That's 44% of my Bachelors.  What percentage makes me a slut?

giving B23 a second chance

B23:  I miss hanging out with ya
Mad Girl:  Well you are the one who dropped off the face of the earth
B23:  I guess I did but you made it seem like you wanted to date more than just me

So this is the recent e-mail exchange I've had with long lost B23.  It's been about two months since I gave up on him and I was shocked as hell to find a message in my OKC inbox the other day.  It's got me wondering what I did to make him believe that I wanted to date other people because he was the only one I was dating at the time and I really liked him.

I think I'm going to give him a second chance and try to figure out exactly what gave him that impression.  I know I try to play it cool and sometimes that comes across as uninterested.  I think I do it to protect myself from heartbreak (thanks B19).  So maybe I need to be upfront with B23 about how that made me feel and how I actually did want to date just him.  I mean, the guy made me carbonara for Pete's sake.  You don't just go throwing away a chance to be with carbonara making man who is good at sex and fun to be around.

To complicate this situation a bit more, I've been seeing B29 again.  Remember how I ditched him because he had kids?  Well a few days later he started texting me again and and we've been speaking ever since and have even gone on a few dates.  I don't know what to make of it all.  I think that part of me just likes the attention (he texts me every morning and calls me beautiful).  I also like a guy who doesn't take no for an answer.  Also, I do have this thing for cops...  However, I'm not feeling the spark with him.  I like him, but don't necessarily desire him.  He came over the other night (we still haven't had sex yet....very strange for me) and we had a heavy make out session and just cuddled on my couch.  It was nice, but I'm not sure I want us to go further.  I don't want to lead him on and I'm really confused about what I should be doing with him.  I think that when it comes to dating confusion is the name of the game.

B29 and his little suprise

This was supposed to be a happy blog about how I think I may have met someone worth keeping around.  B29 was also supposed to be kid free.

B29 was someone who responded to my Dark Lord ad (the one where I say I'm not interested in anyone who has or wants to have kids).  We exchanged a few e-mails and then started texting.  Turns out he is a cop (hot!) and a little kinky.  He's also half Peurto Rican (you know I love the Latin men)  I felt I was on the right track.  We finally met about two weeks ago and had a nice date.  I wasn't wowed with him, but I did like him and felt that there was definitely more chemistry via text.

We've spent that last two weeks texting every single day.  It's been nice and I've been looking forward to dating him again.  We finally managed to meet up again last night.  So there we are at Sheffield's sharing some beers and basket of ribs and wings.  I'm being my normal Chatty Cathy and decided to ask him some serious questions.  I had been warned about married men working the dating sites so I flat out asked him if he had ever been married.  Turns out he was recently (as of February) divorced   Okay, I can deal with that.  He was married for 13 years so he can obviously commit.  On a whim I decide to ask if he has kids.  I said this almost jokingly because I've been talking to him for almost a month and he hasn't once mentioned kids.  Also, he knows how much I hate them.  Oh and there is the fact that I put that disclaimer on my FUCKING AD.

Surprise....he has two sons who are 6 and 8.  What the fuck!  I'm sure he saw my reaction to that, but I tried to play it cool and knew I needed time to processes this information.  However, a big part of me wanted to just end the date and run.  We continued our date and had a nice time, but by this point I wasn't even feeling like kissing him and just ran into my apartment when he dropped me off.

Now that I've had time to process I know what I need to do.  I need to let him know that I'm really not cool with the kids.  The part that bothers me the most is that I clearly stated this in my ad and he proceeded to date me without being upfront about that.  Also, I'm not into him enough that I would be willing to accept  kids into my life.  This is a deal breaker for me and I'm not going to budge.  Guess it's back to the drawing board.

B28

B28 was another response from my Dark Lord add.  He was probably the most up front and cocky of the group.  Here is the first message he sent me:

A little about me:

Seeking a LTR with a single lady who's First and foremost-Honest as trust is the foundation, confident, secure, loving/big heart, fun and can hold a good stimulating conversations or debates, ect...

I'm Single White(1/2 Italian, Polish & Irish). Never married. No kids, only 1 overly friendly, well trained(off leash), non-allergic dog. 40 yrs old. 5'11" 195lbs. Love to laugh and make people as well, loyal, honest to a fault at times, very witty, sarcastic, like stimulating conversations, great kisser, very passionate, sexual & sensual. The common compliments, I receive are: Eyes(blue/green but can change), strong chest, wide shoulders, muscular legs, well endowed, funny, witty, adventurous, daring, good w/business & financial advise. I like going out to good dinners, cocktails, random walks, lakefront, walking my dog, camping, hiking, outdoors, biking, concerts, music, travel ect.. Independent business owner that has somewhat flexible hours. I live alone on the northside in the Lakeview neighborhood. After all said, I'm not arrogant. I believe it's respectful of each others time to be honest and show a bit of yourselves.

 

I appreciate a guy who is direct, but he really came across as a douche bag -don't you think?  We IM'd a bit and he didn't seem all that bad so I figured I would give him a try.  He works in the restaurant business so we had trouble meeting up.  He kept wanting to meet up at 10pm which is way past my bedtime on most nights.  I finally managed to meet up with him after work one night last week.  We met at Sheffield's and had a few drinks there.  I liked talking to him, but I don't think I was quite feeling it.  He spoke about starting bar fights and other displays of testosterone.  That kind of manly behavior just doesn't fly with me and certainly wasn't a turn on.  Also, he kind of spits when he talks.  It wasn't horrible, but it was noticeable.  These are things you overlook when you like a guy.  However, I just don't know if I can date a llama.

We left there and he invited me back to his place.  I declined and suggested we grab a beer somewhere else.  We went to this really shitty douche bag bar on Clark street and had a few more.  The conversations was fine and it wasn't like he was bad looking, but he just didn't wow me.  At the end of the night he invited me back to his place once again and I once again declined and left it at that.  He texted me later and obviously felt a bit of the cold shoulder from me at the end of the night.  I told him I had a nice time and that we could go out again, but honestly, after writing this blog and reflecting on my date I'm thinking that i really don't want to waste my time with a testosterone filled spitter.

B25, B26, B27 and an appearance from B21

I don't even know where to start.  Operation Dark Lord has kept me really busy.  I've turned into a dating fool these past few weeks.  I think that in the end there will be two Bachelors standing and I actually haven't even gone on dates with them yet.  So here is the breakdown of my next three Bachelors.

B25 responded to my Dark Lord add.  He's a private investigator and I thought that was kind of cool.  I actually had this whole film noir thing playing out in my head.  However, he did not show up in a trench coat, order a whiskey on the rocks and call me a dame.  We did have a nice date involving a few beers at Fountainhead, which is becoming one of my favorite beer bars in Chicago.  He was nice enough and we had a good conversion but I really wasn't feeling a spark.  Also, he kept staring at my boobs so that's pretty annoying.  We left on good terms, but he hasn't called me and I honestly wasn't that in to him so I figured I should let it pass.

B26 is actually someone I met on OKC a bit ago.  He really wasn't my type, but wrote me a really nice e-mail and it turns out he is a food critic so I was thinking I could be foodie friends with him.  I sort of lied and told him I wasn't looking for a relationship.  He e-mailed me a lot and we finally decided to meet up.  We went for lunch (this wasn't a date so I was okay with getting food) and then had a few beers at Sheffiled's (which is now my go-to date place).  Turns out he can not hold his booze and was out after only two drinks.  Pathetic.  I could tell that he was into me, but I was so not into him.  It was fun to talk foodie stuff with him, but he looked like Newman from Seinfeld and can't hold his booze.  No way Jose.  He's been e-mailing and texting me ever since our date last week and I've kind of stopped responding because it's getting a little creepy.  If you send three texts to someone throughout the day and they don't respond then you should probably take a hint.  Also, I think I have issues with guys liking me.  I only seem to like the ones that don't like me in return...what the fuck is up with that?  I feel that's a whole other blog and a few sessions at the therapist.

B27 is someone I might go on a second date with.  He really isn't my type physically   He's the first Chinese-American I've dated and I'm just not turned on by Asian men.  I'm always willing to prove myself wrong though and I like that he seemed very polite and was a world traveler.  Turns out that he's a beer geek too and a pretty funny guy.  I had a really nice date with him, but I just wasn't feeling it.  I'm thinking about giving him a second date before I write him off though.

B21....now this is a strange twist of fate.  So I had some issues with my debit card and needed to stop by my bank to see if they could help me.  I thought i was just going to go to the teller and make a quick withdrawal and leave   I knew B21 worked at that branch, but I've never run into him.  So I get there and they decided I need to speak to a banker....who happens to be B21.  There was a little awkward moment and then we fall into conversation.  We decide to meet up for a drink.  Turns out that I actually do enjoy hanging with B21 as a friend.  We had a really nice time out and got to catch up with each other.  We agreed to stay in contact and have been texting ever since.  Now, the twist to all of this is that B21 is REALLY into me.  Not only did he make me make a pact to marry him at 40 if we are both single, but he also told me that he had the most amazing sex with me.  It was a total confidence boost to hear that I'm so skilled in the bedroom.  Kind of want to put that on my resume.  He was so kind and sweet to me that I felt bad for not liking him that way in return.  He wants to hook up with me again, but I'm not sure if that's what I want to do.  On the other hand, I'm horny as hell and this might keep me from jumping into bed with an unassuming bachelor.  We'll see, but I'm going to try and keep it in my pants.

So there you have it.  I have 2 more potential Bachelors to try out and then Operation Dark Lord will come to a close.  I don't know if I've found anyone worthy of my Dark Lord yet.  I might have to try posting again and see what I find.

Operation Dark Lord

Operation Dark Lord actually started as a joke.  I recently became the owner of a bottle of 3 Floyds 2009 Dark Lord Imperial Stout.  For those of you who aren't beer geeks this is a big deal.  Dark Lord is only produced for one event during the year (Dark Lord Day) and if you can get your hands on a bottle you are a lucky duck.  My friend and I were enjoying lunch when I started musing about how it would be funny to post an ad about how I was looking for someone special to share my Dark Lord with.  We figured I would either find some beer geeks or Satan worshipers, but either way it wold be fun.

Later that night I went on to Craigslist and started hashing out an ad.  Here is what I ended up posting

Looking for someone special to share my Dark Lord with (32F Lakeview)

I have this bottle of Dark Lord 2009 and I was just thinking about how I would like someone special to share it with. So if you are a beer geek who does not have an ironic beard or mustache then you should message me. I'm looking for someone serious so if you are looking for a casual hook-up then keep looking. I love to eat and drink good food, go on adventures, and cook. If you are interested in finding out more then just reply to this ad. I will send pictures if I decide to respond to your e-mail.

Also, I'm not interested in anyone who has or wants to have kids, doesn't live in the city and is over the age of 45.

Devil worshipers need not apply.  

I had never considered looking for love on Craigslist.  It just seems really dodgy and after looking at the some of the ads that other people had posted I wasn't quite sure this was going to end well.  However, I was  inundated with responses from real, normal men.  I got about 50 messages after the first day!  I'm now messaging about 20 guys and three have already asked me out!  Holly Hannah!  Had I known it was going to be this easy to attract a man I would have done this months ago.  I think the only way I would have gotten more responses is if I posted a pic of my boobs.  I guess it's just a matter of having the right bait.  In this case, Dark Lord.  It's like worms for beer geeks!

So I've decided to name my new endeavor Operation Dark Lord.  We have passed phase 2 and are one to phase 3, actual dates.  We'll see how it goes, but don't laugh at me when I tell you I met my boyfriend on Craigslist, okay?

B24

When will I learn to follow my gut and stick to my rules? The rules are there for a reason. I am still a little raw because I have officially lost contact with B23. After our exchanges almost a week ago he has totally stopped responding. This annoys me to no end, but I know there is nothing I can do about it. I'm honestly considering talking to the next guy I get serious with and just asking him to please let me know when he's done with me. It's so much nicer to just get a text message letting me know he's not interested than sitting around and wondering what the fuck is going on. So I have somehow frightened off another bachelor. Drats.

I had decided that I really wasn't going to search for any more bachelors until after the holidays. My heart just needs a break even though I know my vagina will be angry. I was on OKC Friday afternoon when I get a message from B24. I checked out his profile and he's really kinky and a little cocky so I figure I'm going to have some fun with this guy. He's one of those types who thinks that girls can't 'handle' him. I immediately put him in his place and let him know that the kinky stuff does not frighten me off. We chat for a bit and then he makes a comment about inviting himself over to my apartment. I respond that there is not way in hell that is happening and that I thought that was a typical douche bag response. He apologizes, we chat for a bit more and he asks for my phone number. I give it to him, but am really not impressed with this guy.

Also, his two pics he has posted are a little dark and fuzzy so I can't really see what he looks like. His profile says he is 38 and white so I don't really think too hard about this. I also figure there is always the chance to ask for more pictures. So on Saturday he texts me and pretty much sets up a date within 5 minutes. He's so forward that I don't even realize I've agreed to a date until it's over. I figure what the hell. I have a Saturday night free and I should go out and have fun. I tell myself that this could be a good opportunity and that I should be spontaneous. This could be the guy I've been waiting for.

Turns out that he is NOT the guy I was expecting. First off he looks more like 48 and he's not white. I immediately believe him to be Arabic and I'm not too excited about that. I've dated Arabic and Indian men and they are just not for me. He looks like the men who wear gold chains and run family style restaurants back in Northwest Indiana. Also, he's not even good looking so there is no sexual desire on my part at all. He even kisses my hand when we first meet and this makes my skin crawl. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

So we find a table and have a few beers. Turns out he was born in Cyprus and raised in Montreal, but has lived in the states for about 13 years. He's a medical engineer (which means he makes a lot of money) and loves to read self help books. He enjoys dancing (especially Latin) and has been dating a lot of Eastern European women who are not kinky. I am so not into him.

At this point I know that this date is a waste of lipstick. I kindly sit through one a half beers and then I decide to be straight with him. I let him know that i am not feeling it and that I don't think it will work between us. The sad thing is that I think he was on a way better date than I was. He was nice enough to talk to and I felt it was my duty to introduce him to the kinky community and FetLife, but there was not way in hell that I was going to go on a second date with this guy let alone get into bed with him.

The moral of the story is that I had signs and just choose to ignore him. First off his messages were in broken English, but I just thought he was typing too fast and didn't have spell check or something. Second, always get a few good (recent) pictures. Third, if they seem too forward there is probably a reason for that. Confidence is okay, but being cocky can district you from finding out some important information before you jump into a date.

B10 is dating again, B23 has dissappeared and B6 is the Penis Whisperer

My apartment is a tragic mess and I'm recovering from a mini-hangover I inflicted on myself last night. Turns out that my stomach does not like beer, tater tots and a turtle sundae for dinner. I feel the need to write about my bachelors and how I might be heading towards heartache or awesomeness. At this point, It's any one's guess.

So after B23 couldn't find parking I decided to invite B10 over. He was able to find parking without a problem and we had amazing sex (as usual). I even learned a new trick which I will share with any individuals who private message me :) After sexy time we were laying around talking about relationships and it turns out that he is seeing a chef who lives in Guernee and has 14 year old kid. WTF...this guy moves fast. I really wanted to say something, but we also had this chat about not asking guys about important relationship things right after sex....umm then when the fuck am I supposed to tell him that I've had a crush on him and want to give US a chance? Seriously, they say girls are complicated, but I just don't get men.

I did end up patching things up with B23. I swallowed my pride and apologized for being bitchy with him about the parking situation. He accepted and when I went over to his place a few days later he greeted me with a glass of wine and a massage. Now, this is where it all gets twisty. I messaged him last Friday and asked he wanted to come over for a dinner sleep over this week. I received no answer. This was very strange because he's good at getting back to me and we've texted every day since we met. Every morning he texts me a good morning message and I've started to look forward to that. I didn't hear from him all Saturday or Sunday. So Sunday night I just sent him a simple text asking him how his weekend was and got no response. I was starting to think that I lost him.

Yesterday after work I tried to meet up with B10 but he was busy (and apparently is going to spend a week in Dallas with his new girl...seriously?). I ended up drinking at the Local Option by myself because I was dealing with my stupid girl emotions. I'm sitting at this bar, drinking good beer and wearing a tight leopard skirt, my hair down, and red lipstick. I looked hot and not a single guy (and there were many) chatted me up. I don't get it. By the time I left I was drunk so I dialed my friends and family and ranted about how much men suck. I hate being THIS girl. I sent one more text to B23 which was this: ....?. Still no reply. I then remembered some advice I got from B6 about sending a racy picture to get a guys attention. It wasn't really my style, but I decided to try it.

Turns out B6 is the Penis Whisperer and after sending a few saucy pics I got a response from B23. Amazing. Guess if you want to understand men you should just ask a male friend for advice. Anyway, B23 says that his phone wasn't working (which actually is believable because it broke on him the other day when I was with him) and he spent the weekend celebrating his mom's birthday. I still don't understand why he couldn't send me a quick e-mail letting me know that his phone wasn't working, but hey, I guess that guy brains don't work like girl brains. Anyway, I'm hoping things start working out with B23. I think I'm going to stop holding back and see what happens. I admit that after B19 I started to build some walls. I really didn't' want to get hurt that way again. So it's time to do things differently. If I like a guy I need to go for it and let him know because I don't need another B10 situation on my hands.

why do I even bother?

B23: I can't find parking

MadGirl: Uh-oh.

B23: Nothing, even like 5 blocks away..How about an 830 breakfast wake up call?

MG: :(

B23: I know! It's like no one is leaving and there are tons of moving trucks so a lot less spots.

B23: ?

MG: Ok...I will just spend my evening all alone :(

B23: Don't make me feel guilty ;)

MG: I am not sure if I will be up at that hour. If you are not coming over I am going out.

B23: Ok

I am seething right now. Why can't I just find a guy who does not disappoint me? If B23 really wanted to be with me he had so many other options. He could have invited me to his place or taken the bus. We are only about 15 minutes away from each other by public transportation. I can't believe he wouldn't even make an effort. So I immediately sent a text to B10 who might be stopping by later. I'm hurt and I figure sex with B10 can't make things worse. Most likely I'll be drinking bourbon and feeling like speaking the truth. I'm feeling bold tonight. Let's see what happens.

The B10 situation

The good news is that B10 is single again. The bad news is that if I don't act fast he may not be for long. About a week ago I was stalking his OKC and FetLife profile and noticed that he had made some changes and it seemed like he might be single again. That night he texted me letting me know he was single. I was thrilled. Finally my chance had come. However, I really do enjoy B23 and think that might lead somewhere. Deep down I know I'm a sucker for B10 though and need to see where that will lead. B10 and I exchanged a few texts where he told me he had a date with a girl the next night. Damn, this guy works quickly and clearly I wasn't the only girl on his mind. That was a bit of a bummer, but he isn't taken yet so I know there is still time.

So we haven't set a time to meet yet, but have texted each other on and off this week. My most recent text from him said that he might not be single for long and I know my window of opportunity is small. I have something I need to do. I need to find out if I have a chance to be with him because not knowing is going to eat me up. I need to let him know i have a crush on him and that I want a chance to be with him. I really don't know what he is going to say. Did he ever think of me like that? I know we are friends, but will he want more? Best case scenario is he likes me too and we live happily ever after. Worst case is he rejects me. It's frightening going into the unknown and I know it will need to involve some booze.

There is also the B23 factor. The guy is growing on me. I cooked dinner for him last night and we cuddled and watched movies (and had multiple rolls in the hay). We haven't really established where we stand with each other yet. Hell, I still don't know his last name! So here I am, at a cross roads. I know i'm going to try to come up with an excuse not to tell B10, but if I catch him before he's dating someone again I need to come clean. This is about my happiness. This is about me growing a pair and telling a boy that I like him. It's a whole new adventure for me. Wish I could just slip him a note and run away....

B23 breaking the rules...again

It's Sunday and I've seen B23 three times since last Thursday night. I met him on FetLife when he e-mailed me commenting on all the losers that had posted responses to a recent ad I put up. The first thing I noticed was that he was 26 which was a bit outside my age range. However, he didn't' seem like a douche and had something to say that was original so I e-mailed him back. Turns out he is on OKC so I was able to stalk his profile there. He looked young, but I was also really interested in him because he didn't seem like the average looser I am used to attracting. We exchanged numbers and so the texting began. Texting turned into sexting and we soon had plans for a first date (which was last Friday). He tried to get me to come over before then, but I stood my ground and insisted on a first date without sex first. This almost worked.

Last Thursday I went over to his apartment after work for a pre-date. First, off his apartment is amazing. He owns the building and has been restoring everything himself. It is by far the most grown up place I've been in. Secondly, he doesn't look as young as his pic and I am definitely attracted to him. Thirdly, we had sex. I didn't mean to (hell, I hadn't even gotten waxed) but I couldn't resist myself. It started with harmless cuddling and the we started fooling around and the next thing you know.... It was awesome and I have no regrets. So, this was our pre-date.

For the real date we hung out on Friday night, went to dinner and then had more sex. The chemistry is definitely there, but i worry about when he will loose interest and drop off the face of the earth. It's been known to happen with my bachelors and now I'm a bit nervous about it. He also came over this afternoon for a very intense sex session and boy has be pushed my boundaries. I can say that there are a number of things I am crossing off my kinky bucket list and I like it.

I'm trying to not get too emotionally involved yet, because I really don't want my heart to get broken. I'm not sure I can handle any more heart break for a while. So this is where it stands. I'm very excited about this bachelor and can't wait to spend more time with him. I never would have thought that a younger guy could really fulfill me, but it seems that things are finally working in my favor. Keep your fingers crossed and I promise to post more about B23. I think you are all going to like this one.

Mad Girl does not like kids

I am really not a huge fan of kids. I just don't have patience for them. There used to be a point in my life when I wanted 6 kids. Maybe it's because I got wiser as I got older, maybe it's because years of retail have made me NEVER want to procreate or maybe it's because I like the lifestyle that not having kids affords me, but I am 99% sure I NEVER want children.

The thing is that I do like kids. I love my cousin's kids and they seem to like me as well. I also plan on being an awesome auntie one day. However, in general, I hate other people's kids and I guess it's not really the kids fault, but the parents. Unfortunately I see the worst side of parenting. I work in an upper middle class neighborhood where both husband and wife work and decide to hire a nanny to watch their children. There is something to be said for parents who raise their own kids rather than leaving them in the hands of a nanny. I also think that a lot of parents I see have kids more as status symbols. I really don't think I could hate any object more than a double wide stroller. When I see one coming I just think chaos, destruction, and temper tantrums. It gives me anxiety.

I could honestly blog for days about how much I hate these horrible parents and their nasty little children and I'm sure there will be more blogs to come, but let me vent about one very frustrating incident I had yesterday.

I got a phone call from a child of about 7 or 8 who clearly had some communication issues. I couldn't understand what they were asking for and had to ask them to speak up repeatably. I was so fricking frustrated. This conversation took up about 20 minutes of my time when my store was very busy. I had to ask the kid to spell things out and the I would repeat things back only to get it wrong again. I finally found what the kid was looking for, but I really wanted to have them put their parent on the phone.

What the fuck parents!!!! Have you never worked retail? Your child is not prepared to handle a phone call like this. You are not teaching them a lesson you are annoying the fuck out of someone who has way more important things to do. If you can't teach your child to speak clearly then you should not be putting them on the fucking phone. It's little things like this that make my angst build up. I have a laundry list of things like temper tantrums, Cheerios, damaging product, and not watching your children that I plan to rant about. It's time someone spoke up for those of us who are making the choice to not have kids and really don't want to have to live their lives in a kid friendly environment.

bartending school and therapy

I've decided to start making some major changes with my life. I just don't know where to begin. The crap has been building lately and with everything that happened involving my cousin's death I am just not dealing with life very well right now. I feel like I'm very close to a nervous breakdown and I just don't know how to fix it.

This is why I'm going to see a therapist. However, this step is not as easy as I thought it would be. I went to my insurance website and they referred me to therapists and psychologist. I have no idea what type of person I need to see, but I do know I need to speak to someone soon. So I start calling, but half of them didn't answer and the other half were booked for a month! I don't want to wait a month to start fixing my life. Maybe I just need to go to my GP who can then refer me to someone appropriate. Ideally I want to speak to a woman who is under 40 because i need someone who understands what life for a 30 something is like. I really don't know what I need. Grief, Anxiety and maybe a little depression are all creeping into my life more than I would like. I need someone to help me get back on track and make positive changes and maybe I need some meds too.

The other day I was thinking about the things I'd like to change in my life. Here's the list I came up with and it seems that a lot of it is connected. I tried to put my list in my head in order of importance. So, here's what's making me unhappy and stressing me out:

Work - that nasty four letter work probably has me the most stressed and unhappy. I used to love going to my job, but these last few years have been tough and I really can't wait to work my shift and get the hell out of dodge. The problem is that I don't really know what I want to do and the things that do interest me would not pay me enough. I know I've always wanted to be a bartender and there is a chance to make some decent money there so I have an appointment with a bartending school next week. I'm not sure that I'm going to be able to do anything until after the new year though due to time and money constraints.

Relationship - or I guess this would be lack of relationship. I would even settle for a few play partners right now, but I really do want a boyfriend. I want to find that person that makes me want to run away to Vegas and get married. I also suspect I would be a pretty rockin girl friend. Just need a chance to try my skills out. I'm still sore about B10 as well. When I think about him my heart aches like it never has before. I hate that he's got a girlfriend....just hate it.

Money - this is tied to the whole work thing, but, like most Americans, I have debt. I also live a certain lifestyle that I love (going out to eat and drink, buying cute clothes). I really can't make less than I make now and ideally I need to make more so I can get some of my credit card debt down.

Weight - I know this is the eternal girl problem, but I have gained weight this past year and would just like to fit comfortably back into my size 14s. Either way this isn't a major problem for me because I'm confident with my body (most days). I just don't want to get any bigger and want to make sure I don't experience any health issues. I think portion control is the best option for me because I am sure as hell not dieting or working out.

So these are the major areas I need to work on. On the flip side there are things that I love about my life.

Strong Support System - My friends and family are amazing. The only down side is that all of them live at least an hour away. I love my family and miss them very much. It does bum be out that because of my retail job I miss a lot of family functions that are held on the weekends. As for friends I really don't have a support system in the city any more, but I'm working on building one. However, I do have two amazing friends that have basically been my therapists these past few weeks. They are awesome ladies and I am so happy to have them in their lives.

Chicago - It's no secret that I'm in love with this city. I love going on new adventures and taking in all this city has to offer. I'd say I'm in a very serious relationship with Chicago.

Me - I like me. I'm confident in my ability to survive and get through this. I like the life I've built for myself. Sure there are some things to change, but I don't have low self esteem issues and plan to get my life back on track. Also, I'm so excited to be writing on a regular basis again. What the hell made me stop doing this? Too bad this couldn't pay me enough to make a living.